Hand Off

Now that Saddam Hussein has been handed over the Iraqis in a legal capacity I am anxiously awaiting the physical handing over. I picture something fun like this happening --

United States President George W. Bush: Here is Saddam Hussein. The man who oppressed you, squashed your freedoms and murdered your families, friends and countrymen.

Director of Special Tribunal for the trial, Salem Chalabi: Thank you President Bush and the rest of all of the liberating countries involved. This would not have been possible without your help.

Iraqi Prime Minister, Iyad Allawi: We'll take him from here and see that he receives the justice he never gave any of us.

Saddam is ceremoniously passed between the men with flash bulbs galore.

Iraq's new national security adviser, Mouwafak al-Rubaie: Welcome back Saddam. I think you will find your palace slightly damaged but home sweet home nevertheless. You are free to go.

Iyad Allawi and Salem Chalabi: Maniacal laughter ~

Saddam: I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book! What a fool, what's with you man, c'mon? So, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.*

Saddam and Co. exit stage left

British Prime Minister Tony Blair and United States President George W. Bush: Shit!

Playground = Battleground

I just saw a blurb for the news that was talking about new threats from Al Qaeda (surprise). While trying to entice us into watching the upcoming news they are playing a video we have all seen a thousand times of some Al Qaeda training camp. I always find this funny. It is a bunch of guys running around the desert going hand over hand on the monkey bars and shooting guns off into the nothingness.

NEW THREAT FROM AL QAEDA!! NEWS AT 11 ... Monkey bars? In the desert? Somehow I doubt Al Qaeda will be attacking us via the playgrounds of the U.S.A. I'm guessing their training and strategy might be a bit more complex then monkey bars.

Mermaid Wrap

As previously mentioned, I attended the Mermaid Parade out in Coney Island on Saturday. Good times.

The whole thing is ridiculous. I think the quote in this story on NY1 summed it up best: "The costumes are crazy," said one reveler. "There are boobs everywhere." Everyone has a different body type, and I respect that, but I think it is safe to say that most of the people with the "boobs everywhere" really shouldn't be quite so free with the revealing.

Here are some sites with photos if you'd like a taste (hopefully the photographers/site owners won't mind me linking to them:
http://ortgeist.com/mermaid_parade_2004
http://www.forgotten-ny.com/mermaid2004/mermaid2004.html
http://thingy.typepad.com/photos/coneymermaids

I got to see Moby and Theo representing as rulers of the whole thing. They weren't very exciting, but it is always fun to say you saw a celebrity I guess.

After the parade I helped myself to two Nathan's hotdogs (one with chili and one with mustard), a lemonade and some cheese fries. What else to do after a stomach full of heart attack? The Cyclone of course. Yes, a ride on the Cyclone and some freak watching wrapped up the Coney Island experience quite nicely.

Done and done ... 'til next year.

Out Of The Depths ...

Saturday is the annual Mermaid Parade in fabulous Coney Island. As opposed to Memorial Day -- the fake kick-off of summer -- The Mermaid Parade is actually the official summer kick-off. Just because you go running off to your house in the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore doesn't mean it's summer. Memorial Day is in spring. This weekend -- Mermaid Parade weekend -- is the first weekend of summer and don't you forget it!

According to the Coney Island USA web site, "The Mermaid Parade celebrates the sand, the sea, the salt air and the beginning of summer, as well as the history and mythology of Coney Island, Coney Island pride, and artistic self-expression." Well that may be important, but it also celebrates hot dogs, The Cyclone, freaks, beer and scantily clad "mermaids" ... isn't that the real definition of summer and the most important part of the day?!

As if all this isn't enough, it looks like Moby (of Moby fame) is King Neptune and Theo (of Lunachicks fame) is Queen Mermaid!

See you there. Yes!

Tropical Cancer III

Come on! Must this madness continue?

R.J. Reynolds gathers the reinforcements. I have spotted another advertisement for flavored cigarettes. Clearly outnumbered by the choices offered by Brown & Williamson, R.J. Reynolds has backed up its flavored Camels with some menthol of its own -- Salem Silver Label.

You can choose Cool Myst (A creamy fresh menthol sensation with a hint of vanilla), Dark Currents (A luscious menthol sensation with a hint of berry), Deep Freeze (Intensely cool with a streak of spearmint) and Fire & Ice (fiery spices and cooling menthol).

The war rages on ...

Anabolically Correct?

Headline from CBS SportsLine.com: New 'roid allegations enrage Bonds

Enrage? Do they mean that Barry Bonds has some 'roid rage?

I like to picture a group of reporters around Barry's locker after a game. Someone asks Bonds a particularly stupid steroid-related question as opposed to just discussing the status of the Giants or Barry's view on the upcoming interleague/crosstown series against the A's. He snaps. He grabs the nearest bat and starts handing out his homerun style swings to reporters. That's when 'roid rage comes in handy.

As Rage Against The Machine once said ... "Anger is a gift" Be as "enraged" as you'd like Barry. Keep on swinging for the fences (and the reporters and other athletes).

Legal Memo

Dear DMX,

We already know you are gangsta as all hell and totally keep it real and all that, so it is unnecessary to do stupid shit like this. Let me know when you would like to meet as to discuss a plan to get you out of this jam.

Sincerely,
DMX's lawyer

Tropical Cancer II

Not to be outdone by R.J. Reynolds it seems that Brown & Williamson has decided to give the flavored-up Camels a run for their money.

I saw an advertisement today for Kool cigarettes avec flavor. Watch the fuck out Camel. Kool already has menthol on its side and now there are flavors too! Here is what Kool has going:
note: the words in parenthesis are the descriptive words for the add, not part of the actual name

(Alluring) Caribbean Chill, (Enchanting) Midnight Berry, (Tantalizing) Mintrigue and (Enticing) Mocha Taboo

I don't know if the American Dental Association has approved them yet, but Kool's Mintrigue sounds like you can brush your teeth with them.

Someone (one of you ultra-hip smokers) please smoke some of these things (Camel or Kool) and give me a report as to whether they live up to their delicious names.

Roman

I woke up early today to go running before work. I'm trying to get my lazy ass back in shape.

Getting up early sucks, but so does running. As with many things, when you do them half-asleep (like work), they aren't as bad. If I don't get running out of the way before I am fully awake, I sometimes like to skip out on actually doing it later in the day. There are too many distractions/excuses that arise after work. The heat, happy hour, television, eating, etc. ... all the enemy of exercise.

This morning, while on my run along the East River I see something out of the corner of my eye. I look over toward Long Island City and see fireworks. My brain says, "Ooooh fireworks!" A second look, and it turns out to be the Roman Candle variety (which my brain is still sort of excited about). Then a small detail hits me ... it's 5fucking40 in the A - M.

Who lights fireworks at 5:40 in the morning? Does this person stay up all night rockin' out and then when it starts to get light out they think, "Hey. Why not launch some fireworks?" or is it someone who sets their alarm as to start their day off with some excitement?

I do not know, but I thank you LIC pyromaniac. Thank you for the show!

1lb. Please

Here is a little snippet from an interview with Michael Clarke Duncan (the giant guy from such films as The Whole Nine Yards, The Green Mile and Daredevil). I don't remember where I got it from, but does it really matter? All I know is Michael Clarke Duncan is not coming to my house for breakfast unless he brings his own eats ~~

You have a big appetite?
MCD: Yes, I do and I try to watch it but you know, all the
time...once I start eating, it's my passion.

What's it take to fill you up?
MCD: As a child, you have to remember I started cooking at the age of six. My mother taught me how to cook because she never wanted a woman holding over my head that she wasn't going to cook for me on any given occasion. So I know how to go in and burn. Every morning I'd go in and have 12 eggs with cheese, I'd have a pound of bacon and six slices of toast. That's what I would eat every morning. My cousins were in town one day and they said, "Your brother is so nice, he's making breakfast for everyone." My sister looked at them and said, "That's not for you guys, that's for him." My cousin said, "No, no, he got a pound of bacon, he's cooking for everyone." She said, "well go in there and ask him." My cousin said, "Michael that's really nice of you to cook breakfast..." I was like you're not getting any of this, and I sat at that table and ate EVERYTHING. And that's when the weight started coming on as a young kid.

Just Like Kiefer Sutherland

My last 24 hours have brought these happenings/thoughts to the forefront:

(1)
Phish fans are probably the most annoying people in the world. Hippies suck! ... especially fake hippies. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food, on the other hand, is not annoying, nor does it suck.

(2)
If you are going to let make a 20 million dollar space plane don't let Michael Melvill pilot the thing:

After burning its rocket for 80 seconds, SpaceShipOne sped up to more than three times the speed of sound and then coasted to its peak altitude, making Melvill weightless.

Melville said he released a bag of M&Ms chocolates to see if they would float in the cockpit.

"It was amazing, these M&Ms were going around everywhere," he said.

Asshole. This is a 20 million dollar project we're dealing with here. We don't need M&Ms melting into the control board.

(3)
It is possible (according to one girl's mother) to have a fetish even when you are under the age of five.

(4)
I found a bar that is worth checking out called Croxley Ales located on Avenue B (btwn. 2nd & 3rd Street). They have a lot of beer, an outside eating area and specials that include 10 cent wings, cheap nachos, cheap beer and other yum yums depending on the day. They have other locations on Long Island, but you won't catch me there anytime soon.

Everybody Likes Awards

I have been digging through my work e-mail archives which pretty much consists of things that I found funny enough at the time of receipt to save. Some, as am reading years later aren't that funny, but I enjoyed this one from way back on 04/05/2001 from my good friend Andrew:

Today's "I Shit On You Award" goes to ...

That stupid fucking seagull that crashed into the roof of my car a couple of weeks back. I discovered last night that you ripped a nice sized paint chip off my roof. I hope you broke your neck and suffered a miserable highway death ...

Sliding Doors

On my way home from work yesterday, my train pulls into my stop (14th Street/Union Square) in its usual fashion. I stand up and move towards the door, as do some others.

The conductor announces, "14th Street, Union Square."

Long pause.

Door doesn't open.

Pause.

"Next stop 8th Street. Please stand clear of the closing doors."

Train starts rolling.

Guy next to me, "They didn't even open the fucking doors! What the fuck is this?!"

I think that guy said what we all were thinking. I don't know if the doors on my car were broken on that side (at the next stop the doors opened on the other side), if the conductor just forgot the whole back end of the train, or if it was all some funny train worker joke. Drug use? Terrorism? Who's to say.

Surprise!

From CNN --
9/11 panel: No al Qaeda cooperation with Iraq
http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/06/16/911.commission/index.html

From me --
(sarcastically) "No shit!?"

An Audience Who We Weren't Allowed To Kill ...

I wish I had seen Black Flag back in their glory days. Everything I read or hear about their shows sounds awesome. I guess I was a bit young for my parents to agree to drop me off at a Black Flag concert where death for me was guaranteed. I did catch Rollins Band once, in 1991, but that was hardly the same.

I just read an interview done with Rollins by nutty Canadian Nardwuar the Human Serviette. Nardwuar loves to bring up questions pertaining to Canada, loves to repeat himself and brings up oddly obscure crap from people's pasts. All of this often throws off the interviewee which I enjoy quite a bit.

I like the following exchange, not because of the confusion factor, but rather because I think it is great how Rollins goes from angry to reflective. He is fuckin' nuts. Nuts when he was in Black Flag and still nuts now. His spoken word tours and poetry aren't fooling me:

Nardwuar: Why do you think that people think you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg, because people think you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg. People think that you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg.
Rollins: 'Cause I used to very much. 'Cause I would come up here and you guys would be a shitty, spitting, heroin shooting, equipment stealing audience who we weren't allowed to kill ... So, after I got out of Black Flag and I didn't have to come here anymore, when I became the boss of the system, I stopped coming here so I didn't have to get spat on and have my equipment ripped off by, by idiotic punk rock junkies. So I gave the city about seven years to cool off, and came back and found it to be a very wonderful place.

Nardwuar: So it's no longer "Drunkville" to you?
Rollins: No.

Lake(ers) My Ass

You Lakers should be pretty embarrassed. Not because you lost. Lost BIG mind you. You should be embarrassed at your lack of effort, heart, grit, passion, responsiveness, concern, zeal, enthusiasm, interest and of course balls. When you were down you fucking quit. Everything worth rooting for in sports, you lack. During the last quarter, you would have been better off putting in the team I was on when I was in 6th grade at Blue Creek Elementary School. I doubt we could have won (hell, we could barely beat other teams of 6th graders), but at least we would have tried.

All-Stars my ass!

113 Used Syringes

You should read this article I originally read in POPsmear magazine (one of my favorites of all-time until they went bottom up) on the fiasco that was the underground and underrated Meat Puppets: http://www.popsmear.com/popculture/features/20/meat.html

First reason I say to read this is that it is good/interesting. After that first reason, it can also be useful:

- as a reminder that you should do drugs -- especially heroin.
- to let you think that your own life ain't half bad.
- to scare little kids (or other rock stars) into avoiding drugs

It also reinforces what almost everyone knows already:
- Seattle does fucked up things to people
- rock stars just have to fuck up the good thing they have going

OK. Get reading. I'll expect a full report when you are done.

Icy Therapy

I've been noticing, now that the summer heat is upon us, that ice cream may very well be the greatest form of therapy. Everyone I see with an ice cream cone in hand looks happy, or at the very least ultra-content. I can't think of one other item on this earth that can accomplish this feat. Just watch out for that ever-lurking brain freeze and we can probably do away with psychiatrists. Sweet!

I Wish I Had The Power Of Flight

Here are some lyrics by (the apparently now defunct) Little T and One Track Mike that I have taken a liking to (just verse one and the chorus is all you get for now):

Wings
If I had wings I'd take off work,
fly around town until it got dark,
watch the kids playing basketball down in the park,
with their shoes on,
and laugh at them ~
Ha! Ha! I'm outta here,
gravity free in the stratosphere,
don't need a blunt or a can of beer to get high as the sky,
and wave bye bye ~
I flap my wings in double time,
rappin in double rhyme,
and look down on the world feeling innocent and thinkin',
I never want to land again ~
'cause an average day can ruin a man,
have me thinkin' about suicide again,
and a whole lot of crazy other things,
like if I had wings ~

If I had wings I would fly away – fly away
If I had wings I would laugh all day – laugh all day
If I had wings I would fly away – fly away
If I had wings I would laugh all day

Monkey Business

I recently read an article on some reality TV shows that were pitched to television networks but turned down. Maybe the networks were correct, but I think these two sound great (I don't know if I would have actually watched them, but the ideas are pure genius):

Iron Lung
Several smokers under one roof try to kick the habit cold turkey. Withdrawal and paranoia set in, and the place gets as bitchy as the Tri Delt house during group menses. That open carton of cigarettes lying on the dining room table doesn't help. One puff and you're out.

I've Got a Monkey On My Back
In a new frantic cross-country relay race, the contestants are not carrying a metaphoric monkey or two on their back. Nope, a real live banana-munching, feces-flinging simian plays the role of a baton that must be moved from one coast to the other.

Don't Play With Matches

I just caught a video on Launch.com by Gene Simmons. He does a version of Prodigy's Firestarter now retitled I'm The Firestarter. I'm guessing this is because Gene Simmons is a self-centered prick, but I don't know for sure. The whole thing is ridiculous. Check out the video here.

I think Gene probably woke up one day, and maybe Prodigy came on the radio. Gene decides that he hasn't done anything in awhile, so why not cover that catchy tune and make a video that centers around him with a bevy of bikini clad beauties. Done and done. Being in KISS seems to really pay off nicely.

That's A Nice Box

I didn't want to talk about this here, but I just can't stop myself.

This Ronald Reagan thing is really starting to piss me off. Nevermind the fact that Reagan was not the great President everyone is making him out to be. He may have been a nice guy, a good husband, and a President, but there was no way in hell he was a good President. Anyway, the other thing that is pissing me off is the media coverage of the idiots walking around his coffin AND the idiots actually doing the walking. I don't know why anyone would want to stand in line that long to look at a box (that may or may not have a dead president inside), with an American flag draped over the top. "Hey, honey. As long as we are in Washington, D.C. on vacation, why don't we stop by and see the box that dead President Reagan is in." No! Seeing a President might be cool, but seeing a dead President in a box is not. It is stupid.

Did I mention that Reagan sucked as a President?

When I went to see Hamell On Trial the other night, Hamell made mention of what a joke this whole praising of Reagan is. He said something that I think mirrors my thoughts. Something along the lines of, "Are they really going to put up a monument to this guy? If they are going to do that, why not put Pauly Shore up on Mount Rushmore?"

I'm sorry to talk shit about someone has died. I know that is not nice, especially when I am sure they tried their best and did some good in the world. I'm just not buying into the worshiping behavior. Pay your respects if you knew him, but if you simply voted for him or got rich during the S&L scandals you could probably just say a prayer or something like that. Oh, and if you are CNN, you don't need to show the whole process live.

Now I'm Bigtime

I have had the first proof that someone has stumbled upon my rantings by random searches on the internet. That is some exciting stuff. One search was for brian bonsall and the other for camel kauai kolada cigarettes. I love you information superhighway!

You Should Go

Last night I went see Hamell on Trial last Mercury Lounge. I can hear you saying, "Hamell on Trial?" No, it's not a new Court TV show. Hamell on Trial is actually just one guy named Ed Hamell and there isn't a courtroom anywhere in site. No Judge Wapner here. It is actually just one man, one guitar and a lot of entertainment. He has been around for awhile, and his latest album is now out on Ani DiFranco's label Righteous Babe Records.

Hamell rocks it. Plain and simple. At a Hamell show you get rock, comedy, folk, crowd participation, jokes, punk, "face solos" and almost anything else you look for in a night out for some tunes (no pyrotechnics though).

Now, before we go on, I will warn you to turn back now if you don't want to be judged. Oh, you’re brave are you? Well, here is your judgment ... if you don’t go see Hamell next time you have the opportunity then I can think that nothing other than YOU MUST BE AN ASSHOLE! Yes, I am judging.

Well, time is ticking to the time where it is determined whether the "asshole" title needs to be applied to you. For those of you in NYC, Hamell will be playing at Fez the first four Tuesdays in August. The 3rd, the 10th, the 17th and the 24th are all options. You have the rest of June and all of July to get your schedule in order. Be there for at least one. I can assure you that you will walk away not regretting it. For those of you elsewhere, you also have an opportunity to catch Hamell tearing up your town. Check out this link for your chance to have your socks rocked off.

I'm sure some of you doubters are thinking, "I'm going to go to a show recommended by a guy who owns albums by Insane Clown Posse, Seven May Three, King Diamond, Tesla, Young Black Teenagers (who aren’t even black), Warrior Soul, Europe, Ugly Kid Joe, Vanilla Ice and other crap-o-ramas? Yeah right." Well, this is different. I promise you. I have yet to know someone to go to a Hamell on Trial show and not leave happy, or at least entertained. If you don't believe me, and would like to hear from "experts" here are snippets from a couple of reviews:

ROLLINGSTONE.COM
"Raucous indie-punk folkie Ed Hamell returns with a fresh brew of satire and sensitivity. Like a machete-wielding man wearing a clown's nose, Hamell takes a few well-chosen targets behind the woodshed for a hefty dose of smarty-pants derision ... "

AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN
"If Hamell were a young cute mop-top in a pair of designer-dirty jeans, he'd be the new White Strokes."

BILLBOARD
"If he were on a major label, he would surely be hailed as "the next big thing." That said, consider Ed Hamell (aka Hamell on Trial) the next "little big man." A genuinely funny guy with a social conscience, a loud mouth and serious songwriting cred, his punk-folk acoustic blasts are like a punchline to the establishment's groin ... "

Try it out or forever wear the title of "asshole" ... OK, maybe you won't be an asshole, but I really think Hamell is something everyone should see. Do yourself and the music world a favor and go.

Toss That Salad

I've been noticing that McDonald's has really been busting their asses trying to make themselves seem healthier. I'm guessing most of this has to do with Super Size Me and other bad press they have been getting. Anywho, in their new commercials where they try to lure us in with their salads and Stepometer(TM) I always think, "Man, that salad looks nasty ... and unhealthy." Well, today I checked the McDonald's nutrition facts on their web site to see if my theory is correct.

The Fiesta Salad is the salad I always see and draw my "that can't be good for you" conclusions from. As it turns out, the Fiesta Salad (with Sour Cream and Salsa) has:
450 calories, 250 calories from fat, 27 grams of total fat, 920mg of sodium
a double cheeseburger?
490 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams of total fat, 1220mg of sodium

Granted, the cheeseburger is lacking in the vitamin categories, but holy crappers! That salad ain't too healthy.

I'm not one to really have a problem with McDonald's. I have even been known to eat there once in awhile (particularly on road trips) so don't get all mad that I am bashing them or knocking your dietary style or whatever. Eat there all you want, just don't bother with that stupid salad cause you know the double cheeseburger is tastier (unless you really want the Stepometer(TM).

Stupid Ronald McDonald. You're not smarter than me!

Who Wears The Pants?

Exchange witnessed on the bus today while heading for work.

(Back of the M14 bus from Avenue B to Irving Place. Mother and Step Father sitting in double seat. Son sitting in back row -- one row behind said parents.)
note: roles are presumed

Father gets up from seat to exit bus stage left. As he gets to the door --

SON: Later Bitch!

MOTHER: You're such a little little shit

STEP FATHER (walking down steps): You call me a bitch again I'll fucking beat your ass right here.

SON: quiet laugh

MOTHER: Head shake

My parents are coming to town for a vist this week. I think I may call my father a bitch to see if I get the same results.

Tropical Cancer

I just checked out a magazine add by Camel for two "official blends of summer" cigarettes. I think I am generally known to be anti-smoking, but these certainly sound intriguing. Maybe it is because they are only available for a "limited time" and apparently are the "official blends of summer" but I am thinking the intrigue is there because they sound delicious. One is Kauai Kolada (Hawaiian Hints of Pineapple & Coconut) and the other is Twista Lime (A Citrus Tiki Taste Sensation!). I can't imagine how awesome one of these would be if I were on a beach somewhere with say a margarita in one hand and a Twista Lime in the other. Citrus party! And the taste buds, lungs and tummy are all invited.

Screw you R.J. Reynolds and Camel for making me intrigued ... and making me think about being on a beach too (when I am clearly not).

That Should Dry Things Out

I just read an article on bodybuilding -- more specifically about Jay Cutler. His whole workout routine -- weights, eating, sleeping, supplements, etc is pretty retarded. Tons of food, tons of weight, tons of pills/powders and plenty of obsessing about appearance. He says that right before a competition you need to dehydrate in order to look extra cut. I'm thinking that avoiding drinking is the way to do this. No way! That's not going to do you right, fool! You have to really shrivel yourself proper!

"I didn't drink for three days before the 2001 Mr. Olympia, Cutler says, "I was eating dry oatmeal; it's like sawdust. Your body has to pull fluid from somewhere to digest something that dry, so it pulls fluid from under the skin. Your mouth is so dry you don't speak. You're walking on bones because you have no padding in your feet. You have no functioning skills whatsoever. You'll actually feel like you're going to die. But when you feel that way, it's usually when you look your best."

I'm no doctor, but I'm thinking that routine is not very healthy. Mmmmm dry oatmeal ...

Lyrical Schmyrical

Why does everyone I know like the Beastie Boys? Yes, I'll agree. Their songs are catchy. But I think more importantly, it has something to do with the fact that if I, or anyone else had a band we would be just as stupid and entertaining. You want an example I suppose? Well, here are some samples from the new album To The 5 Boroughs (due out June 15):

Crawlspace
"There's a party going on in here for real~
I got more product than Ron Popeil."

That's It That's All
"Well, I'm freaky like Winnie the Pooh~
T-shirt and no pants and I dance the boogaloo~
Like George Whipple on New York One~
I got a hairy ass and that's no fun."

Shazam!
"I'm in the lab all day~
I Scrabble all night~
I got a BeDazzler, so my outfit's tight."

The genius of stupidity! It will win me over everytime.

Alex P. Keaton Would Not Approve

I was never a big watcher of Family Ties, nor am I hugely concerned with what celebrities (and in this case I use the word celebrity loosely) are doing, but ya gotta love the answer of "Plenty" when asked how much you've had to drink.

From CNN.com:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/03/people.bonsall.ap/index.html

DUI arrest for 'Ties' actor Bonsall
Thursday, June 3, 2004 Posted: 9:01 AM EDT (1301 GMT)

BOULDER, Colorado (AP) -- Brian Bonsall, the youngest member of the Keaton clan on television's "Family Ties," was arrested last week on suspicion of drunken driving.

Bonsall, 22, was arrested early Friday by police who said they saw someone vomit out the passenger side window of his car. Asked how much he had to drink, Bonsall responded, "Plenty," then failed a roadside test.

Police said a blood test showed he had "excess alcohol content" but did not disclose the exact amount.

Bonsall, who lives in Boulder, starred as Andy Keaton for three seasons on the NBC sitcom in the late 1980s that helped launch the career of Michael J. Fox.

Bonsall later appeared in episodes of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and the 1993 film "Father Hood."

Bonsall was convicted of drunken driving in 2001 and his license was suspended, police said.

A Little (Less) Diddy

While sitting at my desk at work, if I look over my computer monitor and out the window I see very few things of interest. If I was on a lower floor or sitting closer to the window I would see a lot, but up on the 32nd floor and sitting where I am, all I see is sky and the upper portions of surrounding buildings. There are two advertisements within range as well. One for the W Hotel is fairly plain (but so high that I can't imagine very many people seeing it other then jerks like me who are staring out the window while at work) and the other is for Sean John clothing. Both signs annoy me (probably because I see them so often), but the Sean John one I am really starting to hate. It covers twenty floors and is just Sean "P. Diddy" Combs in one of his ugly-ass warm-up suits with his fist held overhead. I know you are a big Broadway star now Diddy along with all the other crap you do, but do you need to have a twenty story billboard? Dear Viacom or Artkraft Strauss or whoever controls that billboard space. Please make P. Diddy leave my field of view. Get someone fun in there -- maybe Mr. Peanut, Phoney McRingRing, the Green Giant or a Victoria's Secret model -- I don't care, just no more Diddy.

Crime Is Messy

I feel lacking in the blogging department today (could it be that my blog days are coming to an end after less than a week?), but I did find something to post as we ride out this writers block. This is an old e-mail that I had received from the management company that runs my apartment complex along with my witty intro:

Dear robber,

SURPRISE! As a special bonus to go along with the money you requested we included something that will make you look like you have a leaky maxipad.

Sincerely,
M&T

From my apartment's management company:
====================================================
TO: Resident
FROM: Management Office
DATE: 1/12/2004
TITLE: BANK ROBBERY
NOTICE: Important

Please be advised that NYPD is currently on the property looking for a man who robbed the M&T Bank on 23rd Street and 1st Avenue around 3 PM this afternoon. Below is a description:

Male
African American
Early 20's
Heavy set
Wearing dark clothing
A red dye pack went off in his pants pocket

If you have any information or see anything suspicious please call 911.

Thank you in advance.