Swagger In The Slammer

I have never given a shit about her music, but how I miss the good ol' days when Lil Kim was running around celebrities, fans and photographers all braless and carefree. Now that she is locked up for being an idiot, I guess we won't be seeing any of her craziness for awhile.

Lil Kim MTV Music Video Awards New York 9/9/99
Pic Credit: WENN/ Sidewalk
Her lawyer, L. Londell McMillan said, "I was amazed at just how good Kim looked on my two visits to see her in prison last week. Even in a jumpsuit, Kim still has the style and swagger of a star ... "

Somehow I have a hard time believing that inmate 56198-054 FDC has the same style and swagger at the Philadelphia Detention Center, sporting jail duds (short sleeve, green button down shirt along with green pants and slippers) as she did when she was free.

Stay strong Lil Kim. You'll be out of prison before you know it and right back to making a spectacle of yourself and making shitty music too.

Some New Tunes

In the numb-mouthed aftermath of my visit with the dentist I strolled in to Best Buy and exited with some new tunes -- the first I have purchased in months (if you overlook my V.I. purchase from last month). Here's what I got (clockwise, from upper left):



Rise Against - Siren Song Of The Counter Culture
Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine
Better Than Ezra - Before The Robots
Blackalicious - The Craft

A nice variety, no? Ask for a listen if you'd like.

And by the way ... $9.99 each at Best Buy. That certainly is nicer than the raping that Virgin Megastore hands out on a regular basis.

Day Off For Doctors

I took today off from work for a trip to the podiatrist and the dentist. So fun! Anyway, I did get some X-rays of my feet which was cool. It's not often you get to inspect your retarded bone structure in your feet.

I left $30 poorer, but did get some tape wrapped around my feet which feels nice.

At the dentist there was a new hygienist. Every other time I have been to this dentist he has just done the whole procedure himself, but apparently he is now living large enough to have someone else do his dirty work, so hygienist it is. I wound up getting a filling that I had managed to smash while sleeping fixed by the dentist though, so I didn't miss out on my quality time with him.

Anyway, the hygienist is busting my balls left and right. I think it was good humored busting, but you never can tell with hygienists. Very sneaky, they are. My dentist is very much the opposite of this, so it throws me off a bit.

First, while she is doing the X-rays (yes, more X-rays), she comments on my earrings, "Are you stretching our your ear holes?" I tell her that this is as big as I'm going and she says, "Good, because if they get big enough to fit my finger through I start getting grossed out and I don't think I'd be able to do my job."

Then when doing the cleaning, she is giving me the business about not flossing enough. I'm pretty much guilty as charged there. She goes continues on with, "Your gums shouldn't be bleeding this much unless you are involved with hormone therapy. I presume you're not?"

I got out of there $80 poorer, a numb right side of my mouth and a new found appreciation for being mocked by dental professionals.

A nice day to use the cash on my FSA (finally) and get my deteriorating body a bit of a tuneup.

Tickets Will Be In Demand

Personally, I like soccer, but God knows most Americans aren't, so Major League Soccer is always wondering how to get more asses into the seats at their games. Well, perhaps it's a bit too XFL, but maybe MLS should take a page from West Ham United's marketing book and add some cheerleading incentive to entice those who aren't so into the actual sport. Some cheerleaders, a tailor who cuts pants a bit too short, and BINGO! You've got yourself a crowd (and who knows, maybe some of the crowd will even grow to enjoy the game):


West Ham cheerleader
Soccer - FA Barclays Premiership - West Ham United v Aston Villa

The Hoff

I'm a sucker for bad white rappers, but I think this may very well have crossed the line. Just one step too far. Then why am I so intrigued?

From Ananova.com:

Ice-T to Produce Hasselhoff Rap Album

Ice-T is to produce David Hasselhoff's first hip-hop album.

The pair are neighbours in Los Angeles and are said to have struck up a close friendship.

Hasselhoff has had some success as a singer, releasing seven albums. He's also said to be very popular in Germany.

Ice-T, who was one of the first real hip-hop stars in the late 1980s, said: "The man is a legend. And we are going to show a whole new side of him."

The rapper is said to be convinced that the 51-year-old for Knight Rider and Baywatch actor can take on the biggest names in rap, reports The Sun.

Ice-T added: "He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff -- I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."

Can't Win 'Em All

Well, I predicted right for the winner of American Idol, but I guess my big job I lined my self with as an A&R guy ain't happenin' yet. My predictions for the next singer for INXS were off by quite a bit.

Crap.

Battle of the God(s)

I wish I could have been in California yesterday so I could have joined the California Christians and help protest and possibly put a stop to these pagans.

The two sides differ a bit on their views of the third annual Pagan Pride celebration held on September 17, 2005 at Redwood Circle in the west side of Balboa Park, San Diego, Calif.:

Christians: There is an emergency need for prayer and fasting for central San Diego ... The activities of Pagan Pride are so vile, that this notice could not reveal everything in one writing that they do. Extreme witchcraft, curses, demonic rituals, sacrificial altars and occultism are just some of the highlighted events occurring at Pagan Pride. This is going on in Balboa Park in the same park where thousands of tourists will be as they visit the park and the San Diego Zoo. Hundreds of pagans, witches, warlocks, wiccans, psyhics and black magic practioners are all marching on the park for their demonic festival.

The Pagans: The price of admission is a donation of goods or funds to one of our worthy charities however, no one lacking a donation will be refused admission.

Pagan Pride events taking place across the country will be accepting donations for various charities to help during the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. Thousands of people are displaced with many towns destroyed. The hope of many lie with organizations like the American Red Cross to bring them clean water, food, shelter and clothing. We will be collecting monetary donations for the Red Cross to go directly to the hurricane relief. Please bring cash or your checkbook and give generously on September 17th!

Boy those pagans sure seem vile and full of satanic thoughts and actions. Donating food!? Making donations to the American Red Cross!? It's pure E-V-I-L!! They must be stopped!

Forever A Train Wreck

Is Courtney Love trying to look like Courtney Cox Arquette when she wears her "fat suit" on Friends?

Singer Courtney Love stands during her sentencing hearing in Superior Court in Los Angeles Friday, Sept. 16, 2005. Love was sentenced to 180 days in jail for violating probation in three criminal cases, but Judge Rand S. Rubin said she could serve the time at a live-in chemical dependency program. (AP Photo/Pool, Gene Blevins)
What a mess.

Noise For The Weekend

Ready for the weekend? Take a listen to this bit fantasticness and get your ass fired up for drinkin' or fightin' (or both) or whatever it is you do on your days off.

It is from the upcoming Roadrunner United The All Star Sessions release (in stores 10/11). The whole album will be tunes by teams of Roadrunner Records (where I once interned) artists -- current and former. Four "team captains" chose teams and recorded the tracks. The album will consist of 56 artists from 45 bands. This song comes from captain Robert Flynn. The players on this track:

Robert Flynn (Machine Head)- rhythm guitar/vocals
Andols Herrick (ex-Chimaira) - drums
Howard Jones (Killswitch Engage)- vocals
Jeff Waters (Annihilator) - lead guitar
Jordan Whelan (Still Remains) - rhythm guitar
Christian Olde Wolbers (Fear Factory) - bass

So much rock! It is ridiculous.

Alaska --> Iraq

I'd like to give a shout to former co-worker, neighbor and friend Brian P. aka Tas who is heading from his current land of ice, oil and caribou over to a less friendly land of sand, oil and (insert local animal here). In case you aren't putting the pieces together (which I'm sure you're not), that means from Alaska to Iraq.

Yup, Brian is going over to try to spread some love and democracy around the Middle East while keeping his eyes peeled for any bad guys.

I have definitely question this whole war issue from time to time, but I am also well aware of the crazy fuckers in the U.S. Military risking their lives in an attempt to keep our asses safe and free. I appreciate that.

Tas may be the only person I know that has the balls for such a commitment, and he is definitely the only person I know who will probably enjoy his time over there.

Good luck and keep your head on a swivel over there, Tas.

Still Refreshing?

I just picked me up tickets to go see Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers at B.B. King's this Saturday night. Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers are a reincarnation of The Refreshments.

Back in 1996, when I had first moved to NYC, my recently acquired friends/drinking compadres all got passes for the Macintosh Music Festival which was a week of concerts all over the city. You paid for a pass and the rock (or whatever else) was yours for the listening. The last night of the Fest I wound up at Roseland to see Seven Mary Three with openers The Refreshments. During the show my friends and I decided that if we got separated during the show or on the way out, which inevitably happens, that we would meet across the street.

I wound up being the first one out and got to the other side of the street. There is a guy standing outside of the place across the street who asks me if I am there for the show. Without having a clue as to what show this might be I say, "I could be." He asks if I have tickets and I tell him "No." The guy gives myself and the rest of my posse free tickets and in we go. As it turns out, apparently opening for Seven Mary Three hadn't been sufficient for The Refreshments so they were playing an acoustic gig. Sort of an unexpected concert doubleheader.

It was a really small crowd, I guess some would call it "intimate" and The Refreshments were pretty damn good and entertaining too. I wound up getting pretty drunk (surprise, surprise) and have been a fan ever since.

I don't really have a point to all of this. I'm just hoping that this new version of The Refreshments almost 10 years later will treat me just as well.

Now That's Marketing

Why nobody came up with this a long time ago is beyond me ...

Ministry

MasterBaTour 2006

"Ministry is gearing up for the MasterBaTour 2006, which will also feature Revolting Cocks and Spyder Baby ... "

Now that sound like some good, clean fun that the whole family can enjoy!

Best Seats Ever

See the guy's face on the bottom, just to the left of that football player?
He is the most excited I have ever seen anyone when in close proximity of a sweaty football player's ass right after a game. He looks like he is on heaven's doorstep! I'm willing to bet that the digit he is hoisting in a "We're number one" sort of way is heading for an oil check of number eighty-one immediately following this shot.

Woooooooooo. We're number one. Yeaaahhhhhh. (insert favorite Bronx cheer noise here).

One Less

Reflecting upon this long weekend as it draws to a close, I think I find myself actually appreciating the fact that the upcoming work week is one day shorter than normal, even more than the fact that the weekend was one day longer than usual.

Ladies 2, Gents 0

Here are two news stories from Reuters via Yahoo! News proving that women should not be fucked with:

One Reason To Say Yes To Lap Dancing..
Fri Sep 2,12:18 PM ET

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An angry San Diego topless dancer pulled out a knife and stabbed a customer after he refused a lap dance, police said on Thursday.

Lawanda Dixon, 24, was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon shortly after the altercation with 33-year-old Melik Jordan at the Dream Girls Cabaret early on Wednesday, San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen said.

"He was in the club with some friends watching the shows when she came up and asked if he wanted a lap dance," Hassen said. "He said no, she got upset about it, they argued back and forth. She pulled knife out of her bag and stabbed him."

Dixon was taken into custody and police found methamphetamine in a small metal container in Dixon's bag, Hassen said, adding that she may face drug charges. Officers also confiscated a small folding knife.

Jordan was treated for his injuries and released by a local hospital.

and

Anti-rape Condom Aims To Stop Attacks
Thu Sep 1,12:02 PM ET

KLEINMOND, South Africa (Reuters) - A South African inventor unveiled a new anti-rape female condom on Wednesday that hooks onto an attacker's penis and aims to cut one of the highest rates of sexual assault in the world.

"Nothing has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped and I thought it was high time," Sonette Ehlers, 57, said of the "rapex," a device worn like a tampon that has sparked controversy in a country used to daily reports of violent crime.

Police statistics show more than 50,000 rapes are reported every year, while experts say the real figure could be four times that as they say most rapes of acquaintances or children are never reported.

Ehlers said the "rapex" hooks onto the rapist's skin, allowing the victim time to escape and helping to identify perpetrators.

"He will obviously be too pre-occupied at this stage," she told reporters in Kleinmond, a small holiday village about 100km (60 miles) east of Cape Town. "I promise you he is going to be too sore. He will go straight to hospital."

The device, made of latex and held firm by shafts of sharp barbs, can only be removed from the man through surgery which will alert hospital staff, and ultimately, the police, she said.

It also reduces the chances of a woman falling pregnant or contracting AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases from the attacker by acting in the same way as a female condom.

South Africa has more people with HIV/AIDS than any other country, with one in nine of its 45 million population infected.

Ehlers, who showed off a prototype on Wednesday, said women had tried it for comfort and it had been tested on a plastic male model but not yet on a live man. Production was planned to start next year.

But the "rapex" has raised fears amongst anti-rape activists that it could escalate violence against women.

"If a victim is wearing such a device it may enrage the attacker further and possibly result in more harm being caused," said Sam Waterhouse, advocacy coordinator for Rape Crisis.

Other critics say the condom is medieval and barbaric -- an accusation Ehlers says should be directed rather at the act of rape.

"This is not about vengeance ... but the deed, that is what I hate," she said.

Now That Should Make Things Better (that's sarcasm in case you missed it)

"Oh my God, President Bush! I lost my husband, my house is destroyed, I'm so thirsty and hungry. I really need some food and water. Look, my water bottle is empty! Do you have any? Any at all?"

"Um, no. But I do have hugs."

What's In The Bag Bub?

This past work week, entering the PATH station on my way home from work I was stopped and had my bag searched on two separate occasions. Two out of five days I was looking suspect. A 2:5 shady ratio! I like that.

On a side not, I have to give some kudos to the police conducting the search. Very cordial and fairly thorough too.