Halloween Mouth

I had a blue Charms lollipop on my ride home from work today. I stop by the ol' Duane Reede along the way to get the kiddies some candy (in the event that any come knocking).

The girl at the register says to me, "I see you've already been into the candy."

I think she is referring to the candy I am purchasing, so I say, "What, is one of the bags open?"

She responded, "No, your mouth is all blue."

I get home and realize that she was quite correct.

Backlash from the delicious flavor of blue.

License To Look Nuts

Normally if you saw someone with their hair all out of sorts like this and making this face, you would think they were psychotic, but luckily I'm a movie star, so this is considered stylish.

Mena Suvari

Risky Rules

This past Saturday I was in the big Toys "R" Us in Times Square. My nephew was in town, and when he is around, a trip to T.R.U. is always a given. Anyway, as I was wondering around the sea of drooling little kids and I hear this discussion coming from a group of four dorky teenagers:

#1: So I was thinking we should make rules later for Risk

#2: Rules? Hmmmm ... well, yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

Um, cool? I doubt that.

Crazy Like a Fox or Crazy Like a Keg?

I don't want to complain, because my college years were a good time, but sometimes I wish I had gone somewhere different for my higher education. Maybe somewhere bigger or further away from home or with sports teams that make it to bowl games or partake in March Madness, etc. Well, add another thing I didn't take into consideration when making my educational decision. Mascot.

I wound up with the Red Fox as my mascot, which isn't horrible, but look at the "unofficial" mascot of Dartmouth:

It seems pretty great at first glance, but then it gets even better. The mascot's name is "Keggy."

Awesome! I bet that mother fucker can get sports fans fired up or if no sports are in sight, can get a party started before most mascots can even get their big furry heads on.

If only I had studied while in high school. I may have been at an Ivy League school with Keggy instead of hanging out in Poughkeepsie with a fox.

Slacking Like A Champ

I know I haven't posted anything in forever and I'd like to thank the anonymous supporter who left this note of encouragement for me. So, as to not be a complete slob, I figured I would at least post this response to the comment. Here you go. I'm blogging again! Woooooooo!!

I don't really have a reason for the lack of posts other than just a general lack of interesting shit to report. I haven't witnessed anything astounding, memorable or even entertaining. I haven't even had any deep thoughts or insights to pollute the world with.

Sorry.

This weekend I have a football game with some jokers I work with on the agenda as well as some in-laws visiting, so hopefully that will lend some shit that will fix this writers block ... or writers apathy as is probably more accurate. We'll see. Until then, try to stay strong and check back often. You can also browse the links down the right side of the page. Perhaps you'll find something of value there.

Oh, herro ...

I've been slacking, I know.

i - Dot

The other day at work we got an e-mail from an angry client. This isn't all that unusual, as someone is always pissed at something. I don't want to reveal too many details as I don't like to incriminate myself with work-based information (hence the "*"), but the gist of this guy's anger was the fact that a phone number was altered on a document that was sent to us that shouldn't have been.

The irritated client isn't funny. God knows I'm all about customer service, and messing shit up is not good. What is funny though, is the third paragraph. I love the sarcastic "Thanks." That's funny. Even better is a simple spelling, or more likely, a typing error. Spelling errors really take the steam out of a furious e-mail. Using the word "iDot" is now all the rage for me in situations where "idiot" would normally be used.

Hello,

I called to get this release corrected. I would appreciate confirmation when the correction is sent. I just spoke to the *********** ** office and they confirmed that the number that you changed it to before distribution does not work in the UK.

Everything would have been fine in the release but for some unexplained reason the ** bureau dropped the leading 0 from our phone number. A representative said that it was what you had to do to call the number from the US, I agree, but this is a UK distribution.

This release was our grand announcement and now we look like culturally insensitive idots. Thanks.

I don't think I should be charged for the terrible error nor the correction that must be issued.

S****

Gift of Gab

As I sit and watch the Yankees vs. Angels tonight, one thought keeps coming to mind. "Hey announcers. Try shutting the fuck up for two seconds." Blah, blah, blah, all game long.

I'm talking to you, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Especially you McCarver.

Drunk, But Still Hip-Hoppin'

Monday night I went to Hip-Hop Karaoke for some old school fun. My favorite part of the night, was when this girl gets up on stage to do the song she has signed up for. She tells the crowd that she is drunk. Everyone enjoyed that, of course. Then she tells the guy who runs the karaoke (and assists those who need extra vocal help) that she is a lawyer. The guy finds it rather cool that right in front of him, he's got a drunk lawyer who likes hip-hop.

The girl says, "Number one, I'm a lawyer. Number two? I'm drunk. And number three? I loooove Tribe Called Quest." The music starts.

So, what could have been the coolest intro to a great karaoke performance, was pretty much an honest intro followed by a drunk girl on stage occasionally adding lyrics when her brain allowed.

It was pretty funny, but the crowd was polite. I guess you have to give credit to those who have the guts to get on stage, unlike myself who steered clear of embarrassment. Maybe next time.