Rollin'

It's taken me a bit, but I am finally going to mention the highlight of my weekend. Saturday, thanks to my friend Shane's urging and Subarau piloting I went to Long Island (yuck!) to see something called Suburban Brawl. Sounds awesome, yes? Indeed it was. Suburban Brawl was roller derby. A double header of ladies roller derby to be exact. First up was Wicked Wheelers of the West vs. East End Ladies of Laceration, followed by Manhattan Mayhem vs. Queens of Pain.

It was good shit. Good competition, some aggression, some crashes, great competitor and referee names, some falls into the fans (aka me) ... I guess the word I'm looking for here is entertaining. It was fucking entertaining.

I got me some photos so you can get a wee taste of what it all looks like. I'd recommend that you go see if for yourself though so you can get the full effect --

Instead of some CDs filling the air with pre-competition firin' up, roller derby gets a real band.
They were rockin' it pretty hard.

Warning signs everywhere. Warning signs ignored. I sat front row, right on turn two -- the center of wipeout alley.

Two of the "pivots" lock it up.

Queens of Pain's Suzy Hotrod blurs by.

Slamtime. Nice!

Official recap here
Official photos here

Crossbreeding the Annoyance

We have a television mounted on the wall at work. Usually, we have something that makes us look like we are on top of our game -- you know, CNN, MSNBC, Bloomberg, etc. Well, today Ch. 7 (ABC) has been on all morning. It was fine until 10:00 ... God, no! The Rachael Ray Show.

The sound was really low so at least I couldn't really hear her squawking, but it is still awful to watch her animated excitement and interest. I was just starting to achieve my goal of ignoring this madness, when her guest comes out. I'm not sure if things could get any worse. It's Dr. Phil. Rachael Ray and Dr. Phil. It's like a tag team of awful.

They cook, they smirk, they chat, they giggle, they touch, they laugh ... P U K E !

Worst Mom Ever

This story really is one of the worst I have ever heard. An accident, I'm sure, but still. People who believe that kids should be learning abstinence instead of learning about birth control options should really be forced to read this article and/or talk to this "mother":

Teen Mom Arraigned in Horrific Baby Death at East Harlem Shelter

Friday September 22, 2006
by Adam Goldman
Associated Press Writer


NEW YORK (AP) -- Four-month-old Niah Ford should have been sleeping in a crib. Instead, her teenage mother after swilling gin put the baby in her bed at their East Harlem homeless shelter.

The decision cost Niah her life. The infant fell into a bucket filled with vomit, water and cleaning solution that was next to the bed.

Savarin DeJesus, 18, was arraigned Friday in Manhattan Criminal Court and charged with criminally negligent homicide and endangering the welfare of a child.

"I loved my baby. I want you to know that," a weeping and visibly shaken DeJesus told the judge during the brief hearing.

The criminal complaint filed against DeJesus revealed more details about the horrific case, and what DeJesus was doing in the hours leading up to Niah's death.

DeJesus told a NYPD detective that she had a date on Sept. 15 and left the infant late that night in the care of a person living at the shelter.

During the course of the evening, DeJesus drank a 20-ounce soda bottle that was filled half with soda and half with gin, according to the complaint.

The next day, at about 3:40 a.m., she returned to the shelter stinking of booze and retrieved her baby. A few minutes later after chatting with some residents of the shelter and smoking cigarettes, she took Niah back to her room and changed her clothing and diaper.

That's when she told police she felt sick and vomited into the bucket next to the bed. She then laid down on the bed and passed out, clutching Niah's legs.

When she awoke between 2 p.m. and 2:30 p.m., DeJesus found the baby's head inside the bucket that contained about six inches of liquid. The baby was taken to the hospital where she was pronounced dead.

The cause of death was either asphyxiation or drowning, according to the medical examiner's office. The complaint said the baby smelled strongly of alcohol.

It's not clear if the shelter, called the Fox House, had a crib. A spokeswoman with the city's Department of Homeless Services was trying to determine if the shelter had one available and whether an investigation had been launched into whether the shelter had followed appropriate guidelines.

On Friday, DeJesus' lawyer told the judge that Niah's death was unintentional.

"She loved her baby and would never hurt her," Kenneth Gilbert said.

Gilbert said DeJesus had no criminal record and was taking antidepressants in the wake of Niah's death.

He said his client, who's from Staten Island, was living at the shelter so she could be closer to the baby's father.

DeJesus was being held on a $1,000 cash bail or $3,000 bond. Gilbert expected her to be released Friday.

Associated Press Writer Sam Maull contributed to this story.

Losing Wisdom

Finally, about 15 years later than I should, I have made an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out. So, fill yourself with all of my wisdom now, because as of October 13, 2006 the wisdom will be yanked out and replaced with stitches, gauze and pain killers.

In a possible bit of bad planning (if you are a superstitious type) my appointment making went something like this:

Me: Hi, I'd like to make an appointment to get my wisdom teeth removed.
Dental Office: OK, do you have a date when you would like to do that?
Me: I was thinking of October 13th
D.O.: OK, how about 10 o'clock?
Me: Sure. That sounds fine.
D.O.: And do you want local anesthetic, nitrous or IV drip anesthetic?
Me: Ooh, I didn't know I had a choice ... I think knocked out. You think that is my best bet?
D.O.: How many teeth?
Me: All four and a couple of them are in there pretty good.
D.O.: Well, probably go with the IV, the knocked out option. You just need someone to pick you up after.
Me: OK. Well, then let's go knocked out style.
D.O.: You can always let us know if you change your mind.
Me: Great.
D.O.: So, I guess that's it. We'll see you Friday, October 13th at 10am.
Me: Friday the 13th ... I didn't think this through very well. Friday the 13th probably isn't the smartest choice for something like this.
D.O.: And they call 'em wisdom teeth.

It's All In The Genes

+ =

Not Able To Get The Job Done

How embarrassing is it to get hired to kill a 51-year-old nurse, be armed with a fairly fool-proof weapon and still wind up getting strangled to death? Embarrassing!

Worst. Hired killer. Ever.

Police: Strangled 'Intruder' a Hit Man

By ANNE M. PETERSON, Associated Press Writer

PORTLAND, Ore. - When Susan Kuhnhausen returned home from work one day earlier this month, she encountered an intruder wielding a claw hammer. After a struggle, the 51-year-old nurse fended off her attacker by strangling him with her bare hands.

Neighbors praised the woman for her bravery, and investigators said they believed the dead man -- Edward Dalton Haffey -- was burglarizing Kuhnhausen's home. But after an investigation, police now say the intruder Kuhnhausen strangled was apparently a hit man hired by her estranged husband -- Michael James Kuhnhausen Sr. -- to kill her.

The 58-year-old husband was taken into custody Thursday and charged with conspiracy to commit murder and attempted murder. He was ordered held on $500,000 bail.

Haffey had worked as a custodian under Kuhnhausen at an adult video store, according an affidavit filed by the Multnomah County District Attorney's office.

Kuhnhausen and his wife were in the process of getting a divorce, and she told officers "her husband was distraught about the divorce and wanting to reconcile but that she was insisting on the divorce," the affidavit states.

A background check showed Haffey had served lengthy prison terms for conspiracy to commit aggravated murder and convictions for robbery and burglary.

Inside a backpack Haffey left at the scene was a day planner with "Call Mike, Get letter," scribbled on the week of Sept. 4, the affidavit said. Michael Kuhnhausen's cell phone number was jotted on the inside of a folder, it said.

An emergency room nurse who lives in a southeast Portland neighborhood, Susan Kuhnhausen arrived home on the evening of Sept. 6 to find Haffey coming at her with a claw hammer.

She was struck in the head and wrested the weapon away, but the struggle continued and Haffey bit the nurse, according to police. A large woman, she was eventually able to get the slight Haffey into a chokehold and police later found him dead in a hallway. An autopsy revealed the cause of death as strangulation.

Police say she acted in self-defense.

There was no sign of forced entry into the home, but according to the affidavit, Susan Kuhnhausen offered an explanation for the lack of evidence of a break-in: Her estranged husband had the security codes for the home's alarm system, and would have been able to disarm it.

Michael Kuhnhausen denies any involvement, the affidavit states.

Susan Kuhnhausen was out of town attending a nursing conference and did not immediately return a phone call seeking comment.

She left this message on her voicemail: "I'm not able to answer all the calls that I've received in the past few days. I'm being comforted by your concern and your support. I want you to know that our lives are all at risk for random acts, but more likely random acts of love will come your way than random acts of violence."

It Isn't Breaking The Rules If The Comments Come From Someone Else

I made a little rule for myself to stop writing about Rachael Ray anymore, because (a) it just gives her more exposure that she doesn't need or deserve (b) it's not very nice and (c) watching her drives me nuts, and to get material I would have to watch.

Today, I'm on the computer and my wife is watching Rachael whip up some 30 minute meals. The comments coming from behind me were too good to not put on record. During one 30 minute show, here are some comments my wife made that almost took away the pain of Rachael's annoying voice pumping abbreviations and alliteration into my ears. I couldn't have said it better myself:

God, your ass is getting huge!

Of course you can, look at your fucking gut.

What is wrong with your boobs!?

Rachael: I put butter and cheese on lots of things.
WJR's wife: Like your toothbrush?

Obviously, rules are made to be broken.

Almost Genius

So, Supernova has a new singer and my prediction wasn't quite right. Almost a genius, but not quite. Lucas Rossi is the guy. I only missed by one, though as Dilana came in second.

Here's another prediction. Actually, not a prediction, but rather more of an opinion stated: Supernova sucks. The guys in the band may be good and may be famous, but the two songs I have heard are average as hell and boring as hell. All show, the guys are telling the potential singers, "You need to bring the rock" but they aren't following their own advice. They are bringin' jack shit. Fucking blah.

Starts The Meal Off Right

I caught a commercial for the exciting new appetizers at T.G.I. Fridays yesterday. Just seeing the SIZZLING TRIPLE MEAT FUNDIDO -- A combination of sizzling cheeses blended with pepperoni, Italian sausage and bacon. Served sizzling with warm breadsticks for dipping -- makes me feel like shitting in my pants.

And if that wouldn't do it, the CRISPY GREEN BEAN FRIES (fried green beans) and FRIED MAC & CHEESE certainly would finish me right off.

Sort of Back

Well, my computer is back from round 2 of its fix-o-rama. Hopefully this will be the last. Now I can start blogging about all the awesome shit I have been doing/witnessing/thinking.

[cricket chirps]

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