Members Only

Last night I went to see a concert at S.O.B.'s here in the NYC. It was my first concert that was entirely hip-hop. I've seen a few rappers/hip-hoppers in my day, but always with some sort of rock and or roll to mix things up a bit. You know, like Public Enemy with Anthrax or Ice Cube mixing it up with all the "alternative" musicmakers at Lollapalooza back in 1992.

Anyway, this show was Swollen Members (insert genital-based joke here) along with openers Gym Class Heroes and Sweatshop Union (actually, just 4 out of the 7 Union members).

I photographed some of the stage antics. You can click on the photos for a larger view if you really care to.

First it's Sweatshop Union:
Sweatshop Union doing their thing. Left to right, you have Kyprios, Metty, DJ Itchy Ron (peaking over Metty's shoulder) and Mos Eisley.

This is Metty the Dert Merchant or Metty for short. He reminds me of Toole, if Toole was Canadian, rapped and owned a Orioles hat. Notice the middle finger. So like Toole. He even had some wacky facial hair, but not quite wacky enough to outdo Toole. His friend to the right is DJ Itchy Ron. As far as I can tell, you just can't go wrong with names like Metty the Dert Merchant and DJ Itchy Ron.

Next up ... Gym Class Heroes:
Gym Class Heroes. From Geneva, N.Y. of all places. Not exactly the center of the hip-hop world. Not even the center of anything. Who would've guessed?

Here is the guitarist and singer of Gym Class Heroes. The guitarist looks like a slightly less beefy and slightly less full of bullet holes 50 Cent. I even saw him dancing around a bit during Swollen Members and he even dances like 50 a bit. Awesome. By the way, the singer makes this face quite frequently.

Travis, singer of Gym Class Heroes. He was constantly fidgeting around and messing with his face. All that busyness reminded me off a combo of Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys and Leonardo DiCaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

I was really looking forward to Swollen Members (insert joke with my name and genitals here), and to be honest they were a bit disappointing. I don't think the crowd, or lack there of, helped much. That said, it's Swollen Members:
This is Mad Child from Swollen Members. I always thought the "Mad" was as in "Crazy" but about 30 seconds into the show I started thinking it was just "Mad" as in "Pissed off." He was bitching about the monitors being to loud, then the sound being too low, then the lights being too bright, then the monitors being too low. He also wasn't too concerned with the smoking ban.

Prevail and Mad Child.

This is Rob the Viking, DJ for Swollen Members. Although he has Viking in his name, I didn't see any sign of a helmet with horns, nor was there any pillaging or plundering.

Swollen Members blurrin' it up.

So, in all it was a $12 well spent. Sweatshop Union was really impressive. Gym Class Heroes was a pleasant surprise. Swollen Members as I mentioned was a little bit of a let down, but I'd be willing to give them another shot.

Keep on rockin' hip-hoppin' in the free world.

Plantastic

It seems that as of late, every single day there is a story or study about how global warming is making a mess out of the Earth and everything on it. The frogs, the coral, the beachfront homes, the polar ice caps, people, etc. All fucked. I personally think the "experts" who say that global warming is a myth are nuts. The whole thing is scary to me and to be completely honest, it makes me feel pretty depressed.

I was also recently reading some articles in Business 2.0 about space. Mostly the business angle (obviously), but it went into some of the innovators and innovations coming down the pipe to make all this space business possible. Cool shit. Space elevators (by 2021), space hotels (by 2015), tourism spaceships (by 2023), humans on Mars (by 2030) and all the crap that goes with it.

So I'm no scientist, but all this reading has given me a possible plan to reduce our problem with global warming. I know there is more to it than this, but I know the buildup of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is part of the trouble. Well, if my 10th grade biology memory is correct, plants convert CO2 to oxygen. The atmosphere doesn't need all that CO2 and us humans can use that oxygen. So, my plan is this: Take some of these fancy space innovations, get some plants way up in the atmosphere, put them on some sort of platform or hanging system and let them do their thing. Clean the air, reduce the speed of the slow baking death the Earth is heading for. Boo-ya!

Now, I don't really have the resources or knowhow to get this done, so I invite whoever has the skills to use my idea. I don't even need any credit, although a simple "thanks" when you accept your Nobel Peace Prize would be nice. Or if you are really nice, perhaps a job which involves a space suit . I look forward to the results.

Oh, and if all this is not actually a help to our global warming problem, please let me down easy. And I'd like to see some proof, because I can't imagine this plan possibly being incorrect.

Check Yourself

Dear Rachael Ray,

You know, I used to find you OK to watch on the ol' Food Network every so often. I even have one of your cookbooks (a gift) and it comes in handy on occasion. Well, you have overstayed your welcome in my eyes. You are on the tube way too much, you wear really unflattering shirts and worst of all, your use of E.V.O.O. for a shitty acronym for Extra Virgin Olive Oil is maddening. Just fucking say "olive oil" or if it really has to be extra virgin, just spit it out. I know you are trying to save time so you can make an entire meal in 30 minutes, but come on! E.V.O.O.? That's NOT a time saver and it is NOT going to sweep the cooking world and make you some sort of word originator. It IS annoying. Get your shit together. Take a look at some of your old shows and compare with some recent ones. I think even you will notice how annoying you have become.

Sincerely,
Me

Chicken!

I get a IM from Lozo today containing this clip:


That never gets old. You may want to keep this link on file just in case you need a laugh injected in your day.

Ready To Serve

Starting tomorrow I get to head down to New York Supreme Court for some jury duty. Well, at least the process to have jury duty. The last time I got called for this American right and legal responsibility, I pretty much spent three days sitting in a big room with a bunch of slobs, waiting for them to call my name for a case. No case ever came my way.

Anyway, hopefully this time it will be a bit more like the Pauly Shore movie Jury Duty. That would kick ass. Me hangin' out with Pauly Shore, Tia Carrere and Abe Vigoda! Well, probably mostly Tia.

Sweet, sweet justice.

Everyone's A Winner

I'm not a big watcher of the Academy Awards. I watch a little, but then get bored of everyone and their acting. I reviewed the winners and some photos, so I think I have it all figured out anyway.

As they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words." I think that rang true:


Jon Stewart gives someone a verbal lashing for talking during one of his monologues as he hosts the 78th annual Academy Awards in Hollywood March 5, 2006. (REUTERS/Gary Hershorn)


South African actress Charlize Theron, nominated for an Oscar for best actress in a leading role for her work in 'North Country,' seems to be going to the same hair stylist as Marge Simpson. A bit more hair and some blue dye, and Marge and Charlize could be the makings of Single White Female 3.(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)


Actor Felicity Huffman, nominated for best actress for her film 'Transamerica,' does her best blow up doll imitation as she arrives at the 78th annual Academy Awards in Hollywood March 5, 2006. (REUTERS/Brian Snyder)

What the hell happened here? Holy shit!

Musician Eddie Van Halen arrives at the 14th Annual Elton John Academy Awards Viewing Dinner and After-Party in West Hollywood, Calif., Sunday, March 5, 2006. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Mercury and Chrysler

Thursday, March 2, 2006 @ 9:15pm

Consistent

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't had shit to say lately.


I still don't.

... and Your Little Dog Too!

I consider myself to be a liker (not licker) of dogs. Small dogs I like a bit less, but I think it is mostly due to the way owners treat their little dogs like babies. Dress them up, carry them around in a bag, talk to them with baby talk, etc. If you are going to be like that with your dog, buy a cat or make a real baby. I had two canine encounters the other day that got me feeling annoyed.

The first encounter was a tiny little fucker. The owner was yapping away on her cell phone and not paying any attention to the rat size dog at the end of her leash. She also had the rat dog dressed in a pink sweater of some kind. So dumb. As I was passing said dog I closed my phone (it's a flip style). The noise of the closing phone, which is no louder than snapping my fingers, made this dog jump like I had fired a gun next to it. Stupid.

Here is the rat dog in action:





The next offender is mostly the fault of the owner. I go to get my hair cut and the guy in the chair had his fucking dog on his lap.

First of all, I think you should leave your dog at home when you are going for a trim, but if for some reason you can't, the dog can stay on the floor, unless it too wants a trim. I was really hoping Michael (my barber) would "slip" with the clippers just once. Maybe give that dog a nice Mr. T haircut. By the way, not to be outdone by the little rat dog, this dog had accessories too. No pink sweater, but a Burberry (or imitation Burberry) collar and leash.

I could tell Michael didn't really find it very amusing, but he is too professional and nice to say anything. He's all about getting the cut right and all about getting his BIG $9 payment when it is through. Man I wanted to punch that dog owner right in his cleanly trimmed head.

Northern Roots

What's up with the U.S. Olympic team using Roots (a Canadian company) for their official Olympic outfits? This is the third time (Salt Lake City, Athens and Torino). I'm all for global economy and all that, and I like Canada as much as the next guy, but with an event as full of country pride, shouldn't we get some American company to whip up some outfits? I think there are a couple of American designers/manufacturers out there. Before you say it, I know every country wears our crappy Nike stuff, but perhaps they should think about doing otherwise as well.

Maybe I'm just being a dick, but for some reason it irks me a bit.

A Couple of Rock Pix

I went to see a rock show at Webster Hall this past Wednesday. The whole lineup was Zao, DevilDriver, Trivium and In Flames. I really only wanted to see Trivium, but got there a bit early so I caught DevilDriver too. Sometimes a good ol' fashioned rockathon is just what the doctor ordered.

Last time I went to Webster Hall, they didn't seem to be allowing photos. "Only camera phones and disposable cameras" I was told. Seems to me a photo is a photo, so I didn't understand that logic, but I didn't want to get thrown down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk, so I complied. So, this show I didn't bring my camera and it seemed the rules had changed as photos were happening on the regular. Maybe it depends on the band and not the venue, but either way, this time around all I could manage was these three phone-based photos which don't really do the show justice.

Paolo stays left of the light


Matt urges the crowd to chaos


Those horns aren't for Texas

Anywho, just thought I would share. I know the photos are lacking. I'll try to do better next time.

... Or Die Tryin'

While speaking to the press upon his release from the hospital, Harry Whittington expressed that he occasionally wished that the birdshot Vice President Dick Cheney shot him with was an actual bullet or two as it may have jump started his struggling rap career by boosting his street cred and possibly giving him a distinctive slur like his mentor 50 Cent. Whittington said, "Bruises don't last forever, ya know? This isn't like a missing tooth or some nasty scars. I just don't think this is going to give me the long-term appeal this business requires."

Tags For Everyone

So, I have been tagged for the first time in my blogging career by Turf. Tagging seems to be a string a questions that you answer and then throw at others who are then supposed to answer the same questions. Sort of a classy, information revealing chain mail. This tagging seems to be all the rage among the bloggers. I guess I'm a blogger, so I'll follow proper blogger etiquette and play along, even though I'm not so sure I like the whole idea.

Anyway, here we go ... Oh, by the way, Turf is out in Iowa. We don't know each other at all, other than reading the crap we spew online. Look at us! Making friends and learning about each other.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Editor at a wire news service
2. production coordinator at computer graphics/animation company
3. Lifeguard
4. amusement park ride operator

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Old School
2. The Wizard of Oz
3. Three Amigos
4. The Usual Suspects

Four places I've lived:
1. New York, NY (Manhattan)
2. New York, NY (Brooklyn)
3. Poughkeepsie, NY
4. Latham, NY

Four TV shows I love:
1. The Simpsons
2. Arrested Development
3. Good Eats
4. My Name Is Earl

Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows I havenÂ’t seen (much of):
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Lost
3. NCIS
4. all the HBO shows (Deadwood, The Sopranos, etc)

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Thailand
2. Belize
3. Costa Rica
4. Bermuda

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Seared Ahi Tuna Taco with Avocado Salsa
2. Mac & Cheese (homemade, not that boxed business)
3. Hot dogs cooked on a stick over a fire
4. Thanksgiving turkey with fixins

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Yahoo! news
2. craigslist (NY)
3. New York Hack
4. CBS SportsLine

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. in bed
2. sitting by the Hudson River in Poughtown
3. any of the places on my vacation list
4. Floating on a tube in Afton

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. DDubs (because he needs a kick in the ass to blog something
2. Lozo (because he will turn this into a fiasco)
3. AMS' (I've never even seen AMS blog until today, but I figured every list needs someone from Ireland who listens to Jurassic 5)
4. Toole (only because I know he is too cool to do this)


THE END, or -0- as we like to do at work.

By the way blogging etiquette says those who are tagged are supposed to continue the chain posting madness. Etiquette ... such a pain in the ass.

V.P. Jokes for A.P.

This one's for Andrew P. who wanted a Dick Cheney joke ~

"You can't blame anybody else. I'm the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend."

Ha! Ha! That is a good one ... no, wait, that isn't funny, but then again, I don't think I am particularly good at telling jokes.

Perhaps it will improve with some visual assistance? Try reading that quote again while looking at this photo, I think it will pass as funny, or at least funny-er:

There's our Vice President! He dodged the Vietnam draft, ran a company with a long history of sketchy behavior, makes funny monkey faces and shoots his friends.

Now, that's funny!

Remastered

So, I guess the top Olympians are being rewarded with compact discs instead of the traditional medals this year?
Sweden's Thobias Fredriksson displays his gold medal after the medal ceremony the Men's Cross Country Team Sprint at the Turin 2006 Winter Olympic Games in Pragelato Plan, Italy, Tuesday, Feb 14, 2006. (AP Photo/Andrew Medichini)

Lil' Pimps

I went upstate this past weekend for some fresh air. In order to stuff some of that crispy, invisible goodness into my lungs, I spent some time strapped to my snowboard at Greek Peak. The snow up there wasn't all that plentiful, but I managed to work with what Mother Nature (and some snow guns) gave me, and had a good time.

During a brief break at the base of the mountain, I see two groups of kids walking along. I am guessing junior high, but my judge of age is pretty awful, so who the hell knows. One group was all guys, the other was guys, and one gal. Apparently, the guys in this group had a mission to pimp her out to the other group, and when the interest wasn't there, they did not tolerate "no" very well:

Kid from Group 1: Hey! You! Kid with the red hat.

Kid from Group 2: Yeah?

Kid from Group 1: This girl wants your phone number.

Kid from Group 2: NO!

Kid from Group 1: She just wants your number.

Kid from Group 2: I said NO!

Other kid from Group 2: Noooooooooo!

Kid from Group 1: Geeez. OK, see ya later gay group.

Wrong For So Many Reasons

You ever see that movie Outbreak? You ever heard of Avian influenza or bird flu as some like to call it? Yeah, well I guess this woman hadn't:

Woman Does 'Mouth-To-Beak' to Save Chicken

ARKADELPHIA, Ark. (AP) -- Sometimes a chicken does have lips, just not her own. Marian Morris saved her brother's exotic chicken, Boo Boo, by administering "mouth-to-beak" resuscitation on the fowl after it was found floating face down in the family's pond.

Morris, a retired nurse, said she hadn't had any practice with CPR in years, but that she was interested to see if she "still had it."

"I breathed into its beak, and its dad-gum eyes popped open," Morris said. "I breathed into its beak again, and its eyes popped open again. "I said, 'I think this chicken's alive now. Keep it warm.'"

Morris said she was pleased to find that the bird she saved was an "exotic," and not just an ordinary chicken.

The chicken is called Boo Boo, because she is easily frightened. The family thought Boo Boo was startled and flopped into the pond.

Boo-ya!

Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10

The Black and Gold

As a Steeler fan, I've had a bunch of people asking me my feelings on the big Super Bowl XL. I have to say, I feel pretty good, and let's face it -- even if they lose, I'll still enjoy my pizza, beer and wings.

I pleased and amused, yet slightly alarmed at how popular the Steelers are all of a sudden. Mostly the support seems to come from freaks, but I like having the freaks on my side. Afterall, who doesn't like freaks? Terrible Towel waving freaks ...

Punxsutawney Phil, the weather predicting groundhog, is held up by his handler Bill Deeley while holding a 'Terrible Towel' after the prediction of six more weeks of winter was announced in Punxsutawney, Pa. on Thursday, Feb. 2, 2006. The towel is used by Pittsburgh Steelers fans to show support for their team who are playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday, Feb. 5. (AP Photo/Keith Srakocic)

Management of CNX Gas Corp., of South Park, Pa., wave Terrible Towels as CNX Chairman Philip Baxter, third left, rings the New York Stock Exchange opening bell, during listing ceremonies Tuesday Jan. 31, 2006. NYSE CEO John Thain, second left, joins the celebration. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)

U.S. Airways pilot Capt. Bill Shoemaker waves a 'terrible towel' from the flight deck as the Pittsburgh Steelers football team plane arrives at Detroit Metro Airport, Monday, Jan. 30, 2006, in Romulus, Mich. The Steelers play the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl, Sunday, Feb. 5, in Detroit. (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

Yours truly, making a specticle of myself at Giants Stadium last year. Steelers vs. Giants, December 18, 2004. (non-AP Photo and game tickets/Michael Toole)

Go Steelers!

Adios Autobus

One of my favorite lunch options in the low-option world of Jersey City is a little something we call The Burger Bus. Well, I went to get my delicious $3 sandwich a week or so ago and I was informed that my favorite snack supplier would be no more. My sandwich guy Willy would be ditching the world of mobile restaurant for a standard issue, bolted to one place kind of situation. So, the Snack Truck would now be a snack place? I guess a restaurant is what you could call it.

Now, I don't mind losing the novelty of a mobile snack spot, but my problem is that the new style is not only anchored in one place, it is also two PATH train stops away. That's not really going to work for me. Damn you Burger Bus! I was briefly intrigued at the notion of trying to convince Willy to sell me the bus so I can begin a new career, but I was concerned about parking and my lack of griddle experience so I didn't follow through.

Anyway, my sorrow is certainly Lozo's joy (Lozo falsely claims that The Burger Bus tried to poison him. I say Lozo is just a bit wimpy in the guts).

Good luck to Willy and perhaps I'll make the trek to the new joint at Journal Square someday.