Vader Visits

This past weekend my nephew came down from the 'cuse (that's Syracuse for those who don't know) for a visit to the big city. We got to do all sorts of fun stuff. Watched Spaceballs, ate donuts, played X-Men Next Dimension on Xbox, fed squirrels, went to Coney Island for some Nathan's and New York Aquarium and built a monkey at the Build-A-Bear store. It was fun in the city for sure. After a trip to Toys R Us, a good chunk of nephew's weekend was spent as Darth Vader.



The Vader mask has a voice changer built in, so anything you say while wearing it makes you sound robotic. There was a lot of yelling "You don't know the power of the darkside" and assorted raspy breathing. I'm betting his mom really appreciates that gift. It's not annoying at all.


Who knew Darth Vader shops at Gap?

I also was able to teach him to rock back and forth on a spring held motorcycle to the point of creating a blurry photo. Safety first!

More Human Than Human

A bit too lifelike for comfort. This is some creepy Terminator-lookin' type shit. Slightly sexier than Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I still don't trust it:

Japanese Develop 'Female' Android
Link to story
By David Whitehouse
Science editor, BBC News website

Japanese scientists have unveiled the most human-looking robot yet devised -- a "female" android called Repliee Q1.

She has flexible silicone for skin rather than hard plastic, and a number of sensors and motors to allow her to turn and react in a human-like manner.

She can flutter her eyelids and move her hands like a human. She even appears to breathe.

Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro of Osaka University says one day robots could fool us into believing they are human.

Repliee Q1 is not like any robot you will have seen before, at least outside of science-fiction movies.

She is designed to look human and although she can only sit at present, she has 31 actuators in her upper body, powered by a nearby air compressor, programmed to allow her to move like a human.

"I have developed many robots before," Repliee Q1's designer, Professor Ishiguro, told the BBC News website, "but I soon realised the importance of its appearance. A human-like appearance gives a robot a strong feeling of presence."

Designed to look human
Before Repliee Q1, Professor Ishiguro developed Repliee R1 which had the appearance of a five-year-old Japanese girl.

Its head could move in nine directions and it could gesture with its arm. Four high-sensitivity tactile sensors were placed under the skin of its left arm that made the android react differently to differing pressures.

The follow-up has the appearance of a Japanese woman. To program her motion, a computer analysed the motions of a human and used them as a template for the way Repliee Q1 moves.

She can be designed to follow the movement of a human wearing motion sensors or to act independently.

"Repliee Q1 can interact with people. It can respond to people touching it. It's very satisfying, although we obviously have a long way to go yet."

Professor Ishiguro believes that it may prove possible to build an android that could pass for a human, if only for a brief period.

"An android could get away with it for a short time, 5-10 seconds. However, if we carefully select the situation, we could extend that, to perhaps 10 minutes," he said.

"More importantly, we have found that people forget she is an android while interacting with her. Consciously, it is easy to see that she is an android, but unconsciously, we react to the android as if she were a woman."

Frosty Beverage

On my way home from work today I bought a cup of lemonade from some little girls who had a little business going on the corner of Irving Place and 15th Street. They even had a little plastic cash register to store their loot (which they seemed to have quite a bit of cash -- I saw a ten dollar bill in there). $1 for a Styrofoam cup full of lemonade and some ice. Just what I needed to chase the heat way for a few blocks.

Beyond enjoying the lemonade, I always feel I'm doing some sort of good deed by purchasing drinks from young entrepreneurs because I recall trying that lemonade venture on my street when I was young. It was always unsuccessful. The traffic on my street was minimal and foot traffic was pretty much non-existent so I would usually drink the profits and then pack that venture up for the year. Plus I know I wasn't selling it for anywhere near a dollar a cup. It was probably more like 10 cents. Man kids are greedy these days! Thanks and you're welcome little girls.

I'm wondering if Ben Harper is going to get his ass off his tour bus (parked right across the street) and buy a cup before his show at Irving Plaza this evening? That would be nice.

Look at Me

Looks like somebody wants a little attention. Well, my friend, I think you can stop worrying about attention for I'm fairly certain that you'll soon be having a whole lot of it -- mostly in the form of prison sex.

Backpack Bomb Scare Empties Penn Station

Jul 25, 2005 6:28 am US/Eastern
(NEW YORK) Police arrested a man following a bomb scare that emptied Pennsylvania Station and disrupted service on Amtrak, commuter trains and city subways for about an hour on Sunday.

The busy commuter hub was evacuated after the man allegedly threw a backpack at an Amtrak agent and said it was a bomb, said Marissa Baldeo, a spokeswoman for New York City Transit. The threat was a false alarm, and service on all lines was restored at about 1:25 p.m.

Police arrested the man, Raul Claudio, 43, Sunday, according to Manhattan District Attorney's office spokeswoman, Barbara Thompson. Claudio is awaiting arraignment on felony charges of making terrorists threats and falsely reporting an incident, Thompson said. Each count carries a sentence of up to seven years in prison.

Lance the Machine

Unbelievable ...

Since You've Been Gone Nuts

Wanna see something that will have you wondering if you should laugh or cry? Yeah? Then watch this: http://music.yahoo.com/video/21782810 (You need to have a Yahoo! ID)

It's alarming enough right at the start, but then around the 55 second mark things get so out of sorts that I don't even know what to think. I find myself watching in stunned horror. The animal band is odd, but not even close to how frightening the little shits in the audience are.

Yikes.

So Sticky

I don't want to start complaining about the weather, but today was hot enough that complaining is justified. Not even just hot, but sweaty.

Nobody needs this Mother Nature. Humidity at 97%? Give it a rest. I see there is more of this shit planned for tomorrow too. If I wanted humidity like this I would move to Thailand or Malaysia or a greenhouse. You don't need to be dropping this soggy shit in NYC. Especially during the week, when work requires me to dress business casual aka not summer friendly.

The ABCs of APs

I guess there are a few things that need to be addressed about the A.P. in question from my last posting and the comments related to said posting.

The A.P. firing off comments like the LAPD fires their guns is NOT the Associated Press. A.P. is also NOT the A.P. who used to work with me. The A.P. discussed is my former roommate from college. I would just put everyone's real name down, but I'm guessing none of them want their name associated with this blog, me or being searchable by the information superhighway in general.

Let's compare the A.P.s shall we?

The news organization A.P. - likes distributing news/photos, making rules, and ... well, keepin' it real I guess. They'll let you know all the things you need to know when writing news type stuff. Like these two need to know entries from the AP Stylebook ...

• Dr Pepper - A trademark (no period after Dr) for a brand of soft drink Headquarters is in Dallas.
• kids - Use children unless you are talking about goats, or the use of kids as an informal synonym for children is appropriate in the context
• Oreo - A trademark for a brand of chocolate cookie held together by a white filling. The use of the word by blacks indicates belief that another black is "black outside but white inside."

The A.P. who used to work with me - likes Space Ghost, Long Island, legal matters, Kelly Ripa, rockin' out and he often wears goofy shirts

The A.P. from college - likes beer, iguana feces, strip bars, Bruce Springsteen, smashing pumpkins (not the band, just the big orange vegetable), sleeping, and talking shit

So as it turns out, it may be the same initials, but certainly not the same.

Now that we've got that all figured out perhaps we can move on. Oh, special request granted for Anise -- Fuck you Associated Press! Fuck you and your not-for-profit news providing cooperative!

Pickin' Winners

Back when American Idol 4 started, upon seeing and hearing her for the first time I predicted that Carrie Underwood would win it all (ask my co-workers if you don't believe me). Right I was.

Don't get all excited and start making fun of my A.I. watching. I'm not one to watch American Idol every time it is on because after the initial onslaught of shitty singers dissipates, the show starts to irritate more than entertain. That said, I have been watching ROCK STAR: INXS the last couple of nights and I wanted to throw a prediction out there again. Granted there are way fewer competitors, so if I predict correctly it won't be the amazing feat that the Carrie pick was, but nevertheless ...

I did my first predicting using only the ROCK STAR: INXS site. Read the bios and looked at the pictures and I picked two possible winners. I missed the premiere of the show, but caught the second night. After watching the performances I have stuck with the same two singers. So, here is my prediction ... (drum roll) ...

Winner: Ty
Runner Up (aka First Loser): Jordis

Both are entertaining to watch, have good voices and have some fashion sense. Also, neither is too much like the old singer of INXS so it won't be alienating INXS fans too much.

Prediction made. Now we just wait to see if I once again I prove myself an A&R genius.

Numbers Don't Lie

I realize (or realise as the Brits would say) this is probably only adding fuel to the fire, but A.P., I feel I must address your comments in public. Public being right here, not on a soap box in Times Square or something.

According to the Site Meter I have strapped onto this blog, I am averaging 49 visits a day. Now granted, most are accidental and most visitors aren't sticking around for hours to read my retarded ramblings, but as you can see on the accompanying graph, my numbers are still significant enough to make me feel like somebody. Somebody Damn you!! SOMEBODY!!

By the way, take note of the numbers in November. That's when I mentioned Tara Reid's boob falling out of her dress. If the only thing printed here sinks in is this, well then at least you now know that breast exposure makes you feel like even more of a somebody without even trying. Good to know.

So, in closing I'd like to say that although you, A.P. are probably one of my biggest fans, and you are probably only trying to encourage me to "challenge myself" and "push the envelope" and all that shit, but with the science of the internet and free internet tracking devices, I can prove that I am not yet done for. Thanks for the support though. Also, T.D. (I'm guessing it's you), thanks for backing me up in the comment arena.

In your face A.P.

Those Crazy Rockers

This past Friday I went to see Mindless Self Indulgence at Webster Hall. I'd never seen them before and only knew a couple of songs, but I had a good feeling about the whole thing. I was correct as usual. I realized as soon as MSI took the stage that my money was well spent. The singer goes by the name Little Jimmy Urine. So, between the songs I already knew and that name (I can't even think about Little Jimmy Urine without smiling to myself), I'm pretty much sold (yeah, that's an easy sell). To complete my MSI approval, Jimmy is slightly nuts too. The rest of the band is fairly wacky, but he is like part Johnny Rotten, part Mr. Peepers so it's a complete spazorama.

Beyond the band, my favorite part of the show was a girl named "Twelve." I'm guessing that wasn't really her name, but she had a red T-shirt with "12" on the back, so that is what her name became. Most of the crowd was really into the show, but Twelve was lovin' the show to the maximum. Jumping around, singing, dancing, gesturing with her hands, it was great. Twelve had a friend with a Cookie Monster backpack and socks like the nanny on Muppet Babies wears. She too was lovin' the show, but Twelve was my favorite with her lack of accessories or need to imitate the band. Twelve didn't give a shit what she looked like. Fuck getting her hair all alternapunked and whatnot. Just throw on the shorts, the "12" shirt and some sneakers and out the door to rock.

Part of me wished I was Twelve. I never had a shirt with a "12" on the back, but I certainly attended concerts back when I was a young chap where I was in my glory as she was this past Friday. I just don't have it in me anymore.

The Eats

Tonight's "dinner": waffle cone with one scoop Grasshopper Pie (Creme de Menthe Liqueur with Oreos and chocolate flakes) and one scoop Caramel Moose Prints (Butterscotch ice cream, a caramel swirl and chocolate peanut buttercups blended in) from Emack & Bolio's and then when I arrived home, one ear of corn with butter, salt and pepper.

Summer has arrived.

God Bless America

I love my new 4th of July skirt almost as much as I love the U.S.A.!

Big (Dumb) Talk

I read an interview NY1 had with WTC developer Larry Silverstein today during an "exclusive" tour of the new 7 World Trade Center. I'm no terrorist, but if I was, this comment would sound like a dare to me:

"The building is built totally differently than the initial 7 World Trade Center. This building will not come down," says Larry Silverstein.

Granted, the construction specs do sound impressive, but " ... will
not come down" sounds a bit to me like the Titanic being unsinkable.

Funny Business

Do you want to know why I listen to bands that some critics (and probably you) find useless? Because they are fucking funny, that's why. Check out the following two entries from the Bloodhound Gang's web site and try to tell me you don't appreciate the humor (and that's before the music even starts!) If you truly don't appreciate the humor, maybe I'll give you a shot to the bridge of your nose with my funny bone next time I see you and we'll see if it is funny then:

Bloodhound Gangsters spread it.
While our main objective in organizing a street team is to procure grass roots marketing at a minimal cost to ourselves by exploiting the unwavering devotion of our most dedicated fans, we're hoping some fat nerds handing out Weezer stickers get beat up in the process. If you're into indentured servitude, send an email to Holmes.

P-fucking-A.
The official state song of Pennsylvania sucks mad dick. Therefore, we have decided to petition the state legislation of the people's dumpster known as Pennsylvania to have it changed to our song, the appropriately titled, "Pennsylvania." Now go here bitches.

Yo Ho Ho

My birthday is in April. Next time someone feels motivated enough to make me a cake I'd like a baby slaughtering pirate themed caked like this one.

Thank you.

It's been a light week on the blog front. It's not that things haven't been happening, it's just that I haven't really felt like writing. Anyway, here are some photos I took the other night (nothing great, but photos nevertheless). The moon was looking big and cool, but as is so often the case the scale and presentation of the moment didn't really translate over to photo form very well:

This one is of the majestic East River, looking south from 18th Street. It used to be a good place to throw the bodies of my murder victims, but now look at all the fucking lights! Take note of the one street light that seems to be way above the rest. It's not a streetlight. It's the moon.


This next shot is of the entrance ramp to the FDR. Hey, there's the moon again!


Here is the aforementioned FDR ramp. I guess I was a bit shaky on this one, so the scene looks like the cars might be flying from the wide open spaces of the sky above to drive on the not so wide open space of the FDR. The streaking lights also remind me a bit of when I used to play Missile Command on my Atari 2600.


I'm off to a wedding in Massachusetts tomorrow morning. Rental car + lead foot + E-ZPass = good times.

Are Those Meatballs?

Having never been a cheerleader, I don't really know all of the cheering tricks of the trade.

To be honest, most of what I know is from movies.

I can't say I remember this cheerleader trick of the trade mentioned in Bring It On or Sugar & Spice, so I appreciate the girls at Keller High keeping my learning going. The best part of this cheerleading lesson is that you can use it in non-cheerleading camp environments.

And ladies, the hours of laughs you'll get telling this story when you are in college and beyond? Shit, getting sent home early from camp is so worth it (plus I'm sure those sluts from Fossil Ridge deserve almost eating shit).

Cheerleaders Disciplined for Feces Pizza

KELLER, Texas (AP) -- Four Keller High School cheerleaders were sent home early from camp after allegedly putting human feces on a pizza and trying to frame rival cheerleaders for the deed.

Cheerleaders from rival Fossil Ridge High School had sent the pizza to the Keller squad on the last night of a four-day camp at the University of Texas at Arlington. Less than an hour later, some Keller cheerleaders took the pizza to the Fossil Ridge sponsor, claiming that Fossil Ridge cheerleaders had doctored the pizza with feces.

After questioning, four Keller cheerleaders were sent home, cheerleaders and parents told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram for a story in Thursday's editions.

Federal laws bar officials from discussing the girls' discipline, but such an incident would be considered "serious misconduct," district spokesman Jason Meyer told the newspaper. He said punishment could include sending the girls to the district's disciplinary alternative high school and removing them from the team.

The day after the pizza prank, other Keller cheerleaders apologized and read a letter to the Fossil Ridge squad.

Get Back Down On All Fours Please

I find this to be one of the creepiest animal photos ever:


Futa, a lesser panda, is proving a hit at a zoo near Tokyo
as it can stand on two legs like a human being for
about 10 seconds, an unusual feat for the species,
zoo officials said. (Chiba Zoological Park)
My brain keeps trying to convince me that it is a stuffed animal or something, but apparently it is not. They have these lesser pandas (aka red pandas) at the Central Park Zoo. The few times I have been there they have been sleeping, but now I see what they are capable of and I don't like it. It looks like some sort of molester, and the last thing I want is to be molested or raped by a lesser panda.

Creepy fucker.

It's Better Than a Riot I Suppose

As I was walking past the bus stop on 14th Street & University Place I saw a girl waiting in line for the bus (which was just pulling up) start vomiting like crazy. It was quite a scene.

No word on whether the incident stemmed from the announcement of the Michael Jackson verdict.

Lesson To Remember

This is a posting for the kids. More specifically, the kids who are thinking of getting a tattoo or tattoos. If you are to get a tattoo, I'm not one to judge, I'm just giving you these words of advice: Don't get a name permanently on your body unless it is your own.

This includes boyfriends, girlfriends, sports teams, band names, etc. I don't even recommend getting my name tattooed on you. Although stylish, you may wind up regretting it.

I mention all this because of this classic example of bad tattoo decision: Chris D'abaldo, guitarist for Saliva who is no longer in Saliva because of "creative differences" is now stuck with "Saliva" etched into his forearm in black ink.





Other people's mistakes come in handy if you take note to not do the same. Remember "that guy from Saliva" kids. You'll thank yourself someday.

How I Spent My ...

I thought I would throw a couple of pictures from my vacation (or holiday) as the rest of the world likes to say) up for your viewing pleasure:

Here we have what is called an Agouti.
They are sort of like what you would get if you could mate a large guinea pig with a large rabbit. They look like fun. I ate a close relative of the agouti, a paca (aka gibnut) for dinner one night.

Tasty.









Here we have some sort of dung beetle doing what dung beetles do best ... push poop around.

Notice his little friend (or perhaps rival) Mr. Fly in the lower portion of the photo trying to get a piece of the action.












Here is a skeleton of a human sacrifice in Actun Tunichil Muknal, or ATM as many (including myself) like to call it.
The Maya would use this cave for sacrificing and bloodletting rituals. The skeleton is from around 900 A.D. Apparently the Maya would go in this cave and get all trippy on mushrooms or other hallucinogens and carry on their rituals. It must have led to some pretty bad trips, especially for those sacrificed. If you ever go to Belize this is one stop I would call a "must see." It's fucking cool.














Here's a little friend of mine I met briefly in Guatemala -- the coati.

The coati is sort of like a raccoon, but hangs out during the day and isn't so fucking fat. This one didn't give a shit about me and came out of his tree and walked by me close enough that I could here his panting from the effort in the jungle heat.









This is the van/license plate of the douche bags who drove us to Tikal in Guatemala. They tried to fuck us out of some money.
That shit didn't go over too well.

Don't ride with them unless you like getting fucked with or if you like walking around ancient ruins really pissed off. If you like those things then pile in the van.










Here's me doing one of the things I do really well ... staring at my feet while swinging in a hammock.

















Here are some kids in Hopkins, Belize showing me that hammocks can be used for more rowdy fun than what I use them for.
I'm old and lazy. I get it kids. Fuck off, I'm on vacation.















Here is where footwear belongs while on vacation. No place near feet. Barefoot is the way to be.


The beach in Hopkins. As you can see there's not a lot going on. Just the way I like it.

















Ah, back to the creatures. Here is a bird I like.
There was a whole posse of these suckers around and they would stalk and eat insects, especially around dusk.

He's got one in his beak right now! Nice work champ. One less bug pissing me off while trying to sleep.









Here's some of the kids who lived next door to the place I was staying in Hopkins. I would like to emphasize some. Holy crap, those parents of theirs must like gettin' busy.

There was a lot of activity over there. The activity (such as the running pictured) would usually lead to somebody crying.












Next stop was Tobacco Caye (pronounced key). Just what the doctor ordered.

As if the island isn't enough as is, there was a bar just steps from the water.

















The view from the front porch of my cabin at Tobacco Caye Lodge.

SWEET HOME indeed.















The aforementioned bar had a happy hour that began at 5:00pm.

Rum and Cokes? $3.00 Belize. That translates into $1.50 U.S.

As if that isn't enough to keep me content, there would also be kickass sunsets easily viewed from barside.















On the way back to Belize City to catch a flight home to the U.S. of A., flying sounded a bit less annoying, and not much more expensive than the bus. As it turns out, the plane was smaller than a bus.

















The inside of the plane.
This fucker holds 12 plus a pilot and co-pilot. Notice the pilot's head up there in the front? This flight had no co-pilot and certainly had no cockpit door to stop terrorists from taking over.

I almost asked if I could sit in the co-pilot's seat, but figured in this winged minivan maybe the pilot didn't need any distractions.






This was a group of missionaries from Georgia waiting for their flight at the airport.

I saw at least three groups such as this during my time in Belize. They like wearing matching T-shirts and spreading Jesus' love throughout the land. Ya gotta stop those blood-crazy Maya from doing all their sacrificing you know.

The majority of them had a look that would have me uninterested in asking them for directions to the bathroom, nevermind the answers to my spiritual existence.

I was trying to guess if any of the teens were perhaps using the low chaperone/teen ratio to push aside thoughts of eternal damnation and get it on. A few looked suspicious.

A heard a female member from a different group of red T-shirt wearing missionaries from Texas say some comment about " ... such a stereotypical Yankee." I wanted to go up and ask her how her stereotypical southern ass was going to be speaking so negatively about northerners when she is trying to promote Jesus, but I didn't. Instead I just stuck my Yankee foot up her fat redneck ass. No, I didn't do that either, but I should have.

The last slide in our vacation slide show is just one more reason to dislike Florida.

This is my receipt from the purchase of two newspapers at the Miami International Airport.

Notice anything odd? Tax. Fucking tax on newspapers.

So stupid. So annoying.
















THE END

Mystery Solved (Almost)

I don't exactly know what this is all about. A lunatic with a PR firm? A promotional item? A joke? I don't really care. Be sure to get to the URL in this release and check out the photos and video. AWESOME!

Loch Ness Investigator Goes Public
Forensics Investigator William McDonald has Been Researching the Loch Ness Monster for 12 Years
PHOENIX, June 7 /PRNewswire/ -- Forensics Investigator William McDonald has been researching the Loch Ness Monster for 12 years. The former U.S. Marine is now on the threshold of breaking new evidence that, for the first time, reveals what the creature is, proves its existence, and explains why the animal is only seen on blurry photos. McDonald is also prepared to reveal why the Scottish Highland Government is covering up information about the monster's true identity.

With exclusive photos and video, McDonald is prepared to detail:

• Slide Tracks taken in December on the banks of Loch Ness of an animal reported to be 50 to 60 feet long.
• A half-devoured deer carcass found by two American students in March.
• A four inch barbed shed tooth found in the deer's remains, confiscated by Scottish Authorities, confirmed by biologists to be real.
• The actual species of the animal known as Nessie.
• Why it is not a plesiosaur, as the Highlanders claim it to be.
• How the animal entered Loch Ness prior to 1930 and why it is trapped.
• Why it only surfaces to feed on winter nights.
• Why the Scottish Government confiscated the tooth found by the American students' and how their footage came to appear at http://www.LochNessTooth.com

Because of a nondisclosure agreement with author Steve Alten (The LOCH), whose publisher funded part of McDonald's research in exchange for the exclusive, the investigator has been forced to remain quiet. However, due to McDonald's recent meetings with marine biologists, paleontologists, and board members from several prestigious museums who are lending their support in recovering the tooth from the Highland Government (offering $100,000 in reward money) Alten's publisher has agreed to release McDonald from his non-disclosure.

McDonald is now looking for the largest print media venues upon which to deliver never-before-seen photos of the tooth and renditions of what the monster actually looks like.

Mr. McDonald can be reached at 480-330-7553 or e-mail at bill_kia@hotmail.com.

He is representing the efforts of the two American students and can arrange an interview by phone with one of the students if necessary.

Contact: Michael Drew, 850-747-8188

This press release distributed by PRWEB (http://www.prwebdirect.com/ ), a service of eMediawire.

SOURCE Steve Alten
###

Door Prize

A few minutes ago my doorbell rang. This never happens unless I am expecting someone such as a food delivery guy or maybe on an exciting day the UPS guy. I go to the door wearing my boxers and a T-shirt. My stereo is on and is louder than necessary. I have my 200 CD changer on shuffle.

I open the door and there are three people. A guy, a woman and a kid maybe in high school or early college. The guy sticks out his hand and says, "Sorry to interrupt your music, but I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm __________ and I'm running for _________." I missed the details because all I could hear was Insane Clown Posse yelling, "Yeah bitch, it's all about clown love!"

According to the literature this is Jack Lester, running for City Council. He looked a bit unsure as to what he got himself into ringing my doorbell and I'm sure I looked a bit confused as well. I gave the hand a shake did the thank yous and pleased to meetchas, took his literature and shut the door. Just as the door closed the CD changed to "Yellow Submarine" by The Beatles.

I know the music is easily heard out in the hall, so I'm sure this poor guy is now thinking he just shook hands with someone with multiple personalities and is in no way receiving my vote.

Don't worry Jack. I'm not a total nut. Well, maybe my music is a bit nutty, but at least I like to flex my American rights and vote.

You Are Someting Else

Anonymous said...
Its shows how smart you must be to result to calling people names, such as RETARDO. Give it up man, just cause you dont like the winner doesn't mean you result to calling them names. Thats someting children do, I suppose you are still a child.

The comment was attached to this post yesterday, which to be honest was initially quite long and a tad violent and perhaps Secret Service alarming so I trimmed it down after Blind Cavefish advised me via comment numero uno.

A few comments to the person who left me that anonymous comment:

1. This post was originally posted on November 3, 2004. I appreciate the feedback, but I feel it's a bit late to be bitching at me at this point.
2. Posting as "anonymous" is "someting children do." If you are going to talk ill of me, try to be adult enough to leave your identity.
   
3. Speaking of "someting" -- "Its" should be "It", In two cases I think when you say "result" you mean to say "resort", "dont" should be "don't" or "do not", "Thats" should be "that's" or "that is" and "someting" should be "something"
   
4. You are a numskull. Whoops -- there is that childish name calling again. I just can't stop I guess.

Still the Same

It's nice to know that no matter how long you are away from your normal routine, there is one thing that stays constant -- crappy movies on TBS every Sunday.

I haven't seen a TV in 16 days and when I turn mine on this morning Deep Blue Sea is on.

Constant crapathon.

You Gotta Belize

I'm gonna be a non-blogger for a couple of weeks, for I am off to Belize for some much needed vacation. I doubt I will be near a computer and if I do stumble upon one I probably won't be down with sitting in front of it. On a non-vacation note, but perhaps something that will be enjoyable to think about while I am gone, I leave you with this:

Near my work is this nice chunk of green, green grass. Despite never being any dogs around, there is a "keep dogs off" sign on it makes me laugh every time I walk by.

Partly because bodily functions are funny to me (even when a dog is involved), but more so because of the expression on the dog's face. Man that fucker is pushing that turd out with some conviction! "Come on little buddy, you can do it! Pushhh ... "


Talk to you when I return.

A.P., if you are reading this -- let's stop fucking around. Dinner when I return!

At Last, Some Sense in the Entertainment World

Way to go Fox! Thanks for renewing Arrested Development.

In a world where Two and Half Men is in the top ten most viewed television shows and Monster-In-Law is at the top of the movie heap you have made things seem a bit more sane. Another year of AD = another year of me laughing my ass off every Sunday night and then enjoying a slow trickle of laughing throughout the week as I reminisce about the genius.

So Breezy

I got a nice chuckle from a search someone did today to wind up here: men wearing mesh speedos.

Pass the Needle

I don't know how many times I've been told by the ladies that I know that my penis looks its best when I inject my penis with paraffin, lubricant gel or everybody's favorite, olive oil. Deformities? That's crazy talk!

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050513/od_uk_nm/oukoe_life_thailand_penis_1

Size-obsessed Thai Men Warned on Penis Injections

Fri May 13, 4:28 AM ET
BANGKOK (Reuters) - Thailand's health ministry warned size-obsessed men on Friday to avoid trying to enlarge their penises with liquid injections, saying it could cause deformities.

The warning followed media reports that male teenagers in central Thailand had rushed to have their penises injected with olive oil or other liquids.

"Injecting olive oil or any liquid into penises is extremely risky," Chatri Banchuin, chief of the Department of Medical Services, said after his office issued the public warning.

"By the time they know what actually happened, it is too late," he told Reuters.

The practice of injecting liquids -- everything from paraffin to lubricant gel -- has gone on for decades, surgeons say, but their patients are getting younger.

"More and more patients are school age boys, not men in their 30s or 40s like in the past," said urologist Wachira Kochawkarn of Bangkok's Ramathibodi Hospital.

"At my hospital alone, I treat one or two patients a day who have such problems. Imagine the total number across the country?"

The public health warning issued earlier week urged men to be happy with their natural size.

"Sex satisfaction does not depend on penis size, but it involves love and mutual understanding," the ministry said.

Can't We Stop the Madness?

Please America. I'm begging you. Don't do what you are going to do. Think about it, please.

Please do not go to see that inevitable piece of crap Monster-In-Law. I can't stomach the idea of this becoming the "Number One Comedy in America" at all. Can't we just let J.Lo. fall on her face like she deserves for once? And come on! Jane Fonda?

Nobody needs this.

Need For Speed

I just got back from running (this is in an attempt to get my old, fat ass back into shape). If you are one who runs, be it for exercise, escaping the law or trying to catch the crosstown bus, you should go here, where if you scroll down a bit can download Mixmaster Mike's "Board Burner" for F-R-E-E (and legally too). Plop that sucker into your iPod, mp3 player, compact disc or portable record player and head outdoors. Get that tune playing in your music maker of choice, wait about 15 seconds to get a handle on the beat and begin running. Guaranteed you will feel like you are in a sneaker commercial.

Plus, you'll feel fast ...

Crisis Averted

No, I'm not talking about the little plane that threatened the White House today. I'm talking about a crisis of beer getting too warm, too fast. Well, our friends to the north have just what the world needs as summer approaches. I just hope we can sneak that technology over the border without being caught.

By the way Labatt bottlers and canners, this cool idea (Oh, yes, that's a pun) does not excuse you from the fact that your bottles are shipped to the US of A at an 11.5oz. size instead of the usual 12oz. Every six-pack we get gypped out of half a beer. Thanks for the beer staying cooler longer idea, but I want my 6 ounces back!

Labatt Blue Solves Canada's Beer Warming Crisis

Specially-engineered can keeps beer crisp, cold and refreshing for longer

TORONTO, May 10 /CNW/ - As the days get longer and the temperature rises, Canadians look forward to sipping cold ones on their cottage docks, camping or backyard decks. Unfortunately, beer warms up more quickly during these typical summer beer occasions.

To the rescue with The Labatt Blue Cold One: an innovative can that, once chilled, keeps beer colder longer. Labatt Blue cans are wrapped with a thin, insulating layer developed by DuPont. This wrap protects beer from heat transferred from warm hands, condensation and the outside temperature -- the top three factors that cause beer to become warm.

"Our research confirmed that one of the top complaints of beer drinkers is that their beer gets warm too fast. It's just common sense for us to develop The Labatt Blue Cold One, a special can that helps keep beer colder for longer," says Bob Chant, Director, Corporate Affairs, Labatt Breweries of Canada. "The Labatt Blue Cold One was developed at the Labatt centre for innovation, in Labatt Blue's hometown, London, Ontario, one of four global centres of excellence for research and development around the globe."

The specially-engineered wrap on Labatt Blue cans called "Cool2Go" was invented by DuPont, a global leader in science-based, innovative materials. The Cool2Go wrap is made by placing a high tech, polymer insulation between two layers of Melinex film. This patented process results in a thin thermal barrier that keeps beer colder longer. The added layer of insulation also makes Labatt Blue Cold One cans more comfortable to hold.

"The application of this technology to beer cans is a first in the world," says Susan Procaccini, DuPont Packaging Solutions. "DuPont's Cool2Go Wrap is the ideal way to keep beer colder, longer. It's essentially a high tech label -- a thin thermal barrier that insulates each can of Labatt Blue, sealing the cold inside."

The Labatt Blue Cold One cans are available now while supplies last in Ontario at The Beer Store ($14.95 for a six-pack of 473 ml cans) and it will also be available at select bars, restaurants and patios across the province.

The Labatt Blue Cold One is just the latest in a long history of innovation from Labatt - from the twist-off cap to inventing ice brewing technology - with more to come. It's part of Labatt's commitment to giving beer drinkers more interesting and exciting ways to enjoy beer.

Labatt Blue is the best-selling Canadian beer in the world. Introduced in 1951 as Labatt Pilsener, it was named for the colour of its label by fans of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers football team. Labatt Blue was the first brand in Canada with a twist-off cap and most recently won a gold medal at the prestigious Monde Selection Awards in Brussels, Belgium. Labatt Blue is a well-balanced, fully matured, full flavoured beer with a fruity character and a slightly sweet after taste. Labatt Blue uses specially selected German aromatic hops and has no preservatives.

Founded in London, Ontario in 1847 and the proud brewer of more than 60 quality beer brands, Labatt is Canada's largest brewery.

Crashproof

I was in Patagonia yesterday doing a little shopping. Among other things, I was on the hunt for sunglasses. While browsing, this snobby woman get involved in the small sunglasses case too. We're trying glasses on and she is slowly muscling me off to the side with her snobby attitude and big ass. I decide to wait patiently to the side so I don't have to deal with her. At one point I hear her ask the sales woman, "Will these be good -- you know, survive -- a bike crash?" as if that was her plan. To do list: (1) Buy sunglasses (2) ride bike (3) crash "I love crashing my bike into stationary objects, but the sunglasses I have had in the past just can't handle more than a crash or two."

The sales woman responded, "The glasses are fairly hardy, but I'm not going to guarantee anything along those lines."

Just for the record, she didn't buy anything.

90210 and a Cool Colt

Today is everyone's favorite day to act Mexican -- Cinco de Mayo. The fabulous 5th of May. Tequila, Corona, dumb hats, margaritas, saying "Gracias" instead of "Thank you" when someone hands you a drink, etc. You know, all that shit that Mexicans do.

I was remembering back to Cinco de Mayo during sophomore year in college -- the first Cinco de Mayo I remember celebrating with any dedication. It was a good, drunken time.

The day started with some beers at my apartment. I'm guessing they weren't Mexican beers. Probably some Natural Light or something high-quality like that. Then, my fellow Mexicans-for-a-day and I packed up and headed into downtown Poughkeepsie to Cactus Club. There we took full advantage of the Mexican theming and did who knows what for many an hour. At some point we decided to leave and get something to eat. Someone then pointed out that Beverly Hills 90210 was going to be on soon. As un-Mexican (and pretty gay) as that sounds we decide that would be our plan. We stopped at a convenient store and picked up some sandwiches and beer. My beer of choice for this TV viewing was something I had never seen before. "Why not try it" I told myself. So I did. I wander home with a dinner and a 40oz. bottle of Cool Colt. That's Colt 45 with some sort of peppermint infusion. It was sort of like mixing beer and Scope. Despite the disgusting nature of my beverage, I stuck it out to the last ounce, and went back out on the town with a mind full of 90210 and the sexiest beer breath one can possibly have.

I don't know why I am really sharing this story considering it doesn't really go anywhere. I guess I just wanted to reminisce a bit if that's OK.

Good times that Cinco de Mayo. Good times.

Terrorist Profile ... skates

On my way home from work tonight, I walk into the Exchange Place PATH station as usual. Backpack on, rollerblades in hand, tired look on my face, co-worker at my side. There are a bunch of people standing around sporting green neon mesh vests (construction worker style) that say "HOMELAND SECURITY" on the back. They have clipboards and pens and are observing everyone as they go through the turnstiles. I'm thinking they are doing a count to see how much security is needed or perhaps doing some racial profiling or whatever, but as I walk by, one of the H.S. guys looks at me and says in a low voice to the H.S. woman standing next to him, "Skates" and writes on his clipboard. I ran down the escalator and escaped apprehension.

Free.

At least for one more day.

Yeeeeehaaaaa!

This past Saturday I went to one of my most unfavorite locales in the United States of America. Long Island.

It wasn't as bad as it usually is though, because I went to see the rodeo -- bull riding to be exact. The bull riding was goin' down at stop No. 21 on the Professional Bull Riders' 2005 Built Ford Tough Series. The venue was the Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, NY. It was my first rodeo experience and I'll have to admit, it was pretty fun. Long Islanders with cowboy hats on. Men trying to sit on the back of 1,000 pounds worth of pissed off animal and stay on for eight seconds. The whole thing was pretty ridiculous.

Here are some photos to feast your peepers on (click for larger view)

No NHL = dirt instead of ice


Intermission. The dirt Zamboni smoothes out the scene


Cowboy about to get dumped


Meg sizin' up her dream of riding in the big time

Some comments/highlights:

• A girl who sat in front of us had a tattoo on her lower back that I initially thought was the Ford logo (there's no way this chick is dating a Chevy driver). As it turns out, it wasn't a Ford logo. It looked like a Ford logo, but instead of "Ford" it said "Tina" I'm not sure which is worse.


• I was expecting a whole lot of country music, but there was very little. As a matter of fact, during the rider introductions there were very un-country selections such as "Enter Sandman" by Metallica, "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson and "Du Hast" by Rammstein.


• If you are ever out in the Hempstead, NY area, you might want to contact Jack at Taxi Town Cars, Inc. He has a pretty nice ride, bullshits like a champ (apparently he used to date Gwen Stefani) and gets your destination in one piece.


• I got ID'd when trying to purchase an overpriced beer. I showed the guy my ID and looked at me, looked at the ID, looked at me again and said, "What's your birth date?" I haven't gone through that routine since I was in college. Oh, by the way, in case you don't know, I'm 32-years-old.


• Meg (see photo above) thinks she'd be able to outride me if we could get in on the competition. She thinks her low center of gravity would defeat met, where I think my leg length would give me a bull torso grip advantage. I can't wait for a showdown. (I may cheat by attending some rodeo school)


• We had a brief stop at the rodeo after party at the Marriott across the parking lot. That was a scene. The riders, the crew, cowboy groupies, along with random hotel guests all in one bar makes for some sort of trouble. Unfortunately the LIRR schedule was calling the shots, so we didn't get a full dose of the fun. Next time though I'm in it for the long haul.

Air Out The Banana Hammocks

This summer is looking to be the best ever ... Cape May is finally letting me wear what I want:

N.J. Beach Town Repeals 30-Year Speedo Ban

By JOHN CURRAN, Associated Press Writer
Sat Apr 30, 7:53 PM ET

CAPE MAY, N.J. - Come on in, Speedo wearers, the water's fine: Your skimpy little swimsuits are legal now. For more than 30 years, this quaint little Victorian-themed resort at the southern tip of New Jersey said no to "skintight, formfitting or bikini type" bathing attire on males over the age of 12. For an ocean resort that once required men and women to swim at different times of day, wearing heavy woolen, cover-everything swimsuits, it made sense to modernize.

"It's a beach town, for God's sake," said Police Chief Diane Sorantino.

The town also agreed to lift a rule that stopped bare-chested men from strolling along the beachfront promenade. Not that everyone's cheering. It's often the older guys -- the ones with beer guts, or wrinkly skin, or unsightly tufts of hair -- who wear the tiny swimsuits.

"The people you want to see in the Speedos, you don't," said Maggie Creighton, 19, who works in a downtown lingerie store.

Locals who share the beaches with tourists said that despite the ban, the itsy bitsy suits have been a common sight in summer, even though most surf shops and beachwear retailers here don't sell them.

"A lot of people do come in and say 'Do you carry Speedos?' said Becky Fitzgerald, sales clerk at Della's General Store. "It's the 40- to 50-year-old group who ask. And it's funny, their bodies aren't the shape for Speedos."

The swimsuit ban was enacted in the 1960s in response to complaints about gay men who wore the suits on the beach, according to former mayor Robert Elwell, who writes a Cape May history column for a local newspaper. But the ban was rarely if ever enforced, according to the city, which voted to amend its beach regulations last week.

City Administrator Luciano Corea Jr. said the skimpy swimsuit ban was largely unknown. There was no push to eliminate it, but doing so made sense, he said. "We had no complaints, and we've never issued a summons for it, to my knowledge," said Corea. "Technically, we could've left it on the books. It was never enforced anyway."

Vince Grimm, executive director of GABLES of Cape May County, a gay advocacy organization, said the ban was outdated and holds no particular significance for gays. "We're no different than anyone else. If they (the suits) are in style, we wear them," said Grimm.

Charlotte Beheler, owner of Sports 'n Stuff, which sells Speedos for $25.95, said they're not among her top sellers. She doesn't expect any big boom in sales this summer -- or an explosion of skin on the beaches.

Neither does Speedo, which says the men's brief-style suits make up only 1 percent of the Los Angeles-based company's sales. "I could see that people may buy more, but I don't think it'll be a huge dramatic change," said Speedo marketing manager Lesley Benko. Still, some people will be watching the beaches this year just to see who's wearing what.

"I haven't been to the beach in years, but now I'm thinking I'll go down there this year," said Joann Quinn, of North Cape May. "The beach ought to be interesting this year."

Things Never Turn Out As They Should

You know that woman in Georgia that went missing just days before her wedding? Well, it turns out that she has been found, which is nice, as opposed to the usual conclusion in cases like this -- dead in a ditch somewhere -- but I have to say that I am a little disappointed that she didn't wind up being found in Mexico with some mystery boyfriend. That would have been so much more entertaining, especially since every family member and friend who was interviewed kept saying how in love she was and what a great mom she'd be. Something like this would have been cool:

Friend: "She was so in love with John. She'd never run off like this. She was so in love and really wanted to have a family. She'd be a great mom someday."

CNN: "Actually, we just received reports that she was found in Mexico with an 18-year-old man. Her motel room had a suitcase full of marijuana, an arsenal of weapons, a dead prostitute and signs of heroin use."

Friend: "Well, she was so in love with all that too."

However You Spell It

Just for the record, I prefer my seasoned sausage meat to be spelled B-o-l-o-g-n-a, but that's neither here nor there. The important thing to learn with this bit of news is that there is now legal precedent to throw your bologna (or baloney) sandwich at the deputy of your choice with no legal repercussions*.

* You may want to check with your lawyer before the throwing is performed.

Not Guilty of Assault by Baloney Sandwich

Apr 26, 2005 7:01 am US/Eastern
RIVERHEAD, Long Island -- A 47-year-old Amityville, Long Island man who was in custody has been cleared of assaulting a deputy sheriff with a baloney sandwich. The Suffolk District Attorney says the jury did find Frank Barnett guilty of obstructing governmental administration, a misdemeanor.

The D-A says it happened on April Eighth when Barnett was at the district court in Central Islip for an appearance. During a lunch break he allegedly threw his baloney sandwich at Deputy Robert Etheridge.

During the ensuing scuffle, Etheridge told the jury he suffered a back injury that kept him off the job for a month.

However, after two hours of deliberations yesterday the Suffolk jury convicted Barnett of the misdemeanor obstruction charge, and found him innocent of assault.

Slacking and/or MIA

Man, I haven't posted shit all week. Sorry for those of you who care. Things have happened, I just haven't been very motivated to type up the goings on.

Since my last post I have: gone to a beerfest, spent one of the nicest days of the year feeling hungover on the couch, gone to work, gone to class, presented a little detail on my job in front of my class (which I remarkably enjoyed), purchased plane tickets from NYC to Belize, turned one year older and went to a little company's launch party at Tribeca Rock Club.

Phewwww. Now that you are all up to speed, perhaps we can continue on as originally scheduled.

Eye In The Sky

Saturday afternoon I was heading out for some Central Park time, and up in a tree in my apartment complex is this hawk chowing down on a pigeon (click on images for a larger view). It was pretty cool:







There were some other people checking out the survival of the fittest moment. There were a bunch of entertaining comments from the onlookers. My favorite was between a guy and gal probably in their late 30's:

Guy: Oh shit, check it out.
Gal: Oh my God.
Guy walks a bit closer to the tree for a closer look
Gal: Don't get so close!
Guy: Why? They don't attack people.
Gal: You don't know that.
Guy: I know it's a bird and not a lion, plus it's already eating.

Those New Yorkers sure know their nature.

It's Not Just Tax Day

If this isn't a piece of public relations genius, I don't know what is. And everyone thought it was just tax day! Please celebrate this day with all the fury and pride we can muster. Enjoy celebrating "failure, incompetence, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, mediocrity, frustration, vengeance, cynicism, futility, chaos, apathy, anger, sarcasm, tomfoolery, buffoonery, and jackassery. Indeed, all things that suck":

April 15 Is National That Sucks Day! - When You Can Celebrate Life's Failures

SHAWNEE, Kan., April 4, 2005 -- Life isn't a utopia, it's a sucktopia. History sucks, but history has nothing on the suckable present. People have done and continue to do unspeakable things to one another. For an in-depth review, go to http://www.thatsucks.net and click on Sir Isuck Newton. Learn and understand.

Here are some cosmic constants that suck:

• Life and aging. Rigorous scientific studies have shown that most things in life suck. For starters, 10 out of 10 people die. You will be in the losing group. You will die. Of cancer or heart disease. Or both. It will be a horrible, agonizing death. By the way, have you checked your health insurance premium lately? Gotta be happy with that, or stupid beyond words.
• Love. It usually ends in split ups and divorce. Or stay together bitterness.
• Family. Your family is unquestionably a stunning collection of ill tempered, dimwitted misfits, psychos, and felons. Why do you think you're different?
• Jobs/bosses/coworkers. Your boss is a breathtakingly stupid butthole who takes credit for your best work. And blames you for his/her failures. Your coworkers are professionally inept and socially repugnant.
• Evildoers. Evildoers want to send you to hell wearing gasoline-soaked panties, and not the thong kind. They prefer granny pants cause those hold more gasoline.
• Government. Your government taxes you to death. And lies to you daily.
• You think movies are ok? Books? Service? Your car? Must we go on?

Face it, most things and people are failures. They also suck. People don't soar with the eagles; if they could get off the ground they'd soar with the seagulls. Which means they'd probably sit on a post and soil themselves.

At ThatSucks.net we celebrate failure, incompetence, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, mediocrity, frustration, vengeance, cynicism, futility, chaos, apathy, anger, sarcasm, tomfoolery, buffoonery, and jackassery. Indeed, all things that suck.

Celebrate National That Sucks Day on April 15. Remember tax day? You happy about that? Did you know the Titanic sank on that day? Well now you do.

Got something better to do on April 15? We thought not. Celebrate National That Sucks Day.

Dress 'em Up But You Can't Take 'em Out

Outside my friend Mary's wedding
Loudonville, NY
Saturday, April 9, 2005

Advert Addiction

Last night I am watching a little television before bed and a familiar bass line comes on. I look up to see a Coors Light commercial. The bass continues. It is Mountain Song by Jane's Addiction.

Of all the bands I can think of, I'd never guess Jane's Addiction would let their music be played in a commercial, let alone a beer (a crappy beer at that) commercial. The only thing I can think is that the band was just making true the lyrics: Cash in. Cash in now honey. Cash in now ...

That's Tasty

Mmmmmmmmm, taco grande ...
Seared Ahi Tuna Taco with Avocado Salsa

This Bottle Tastes Like ... Corn?

I recently read an article on a company called NatureWorks who has figured out how to make corn -- the yellow shit you like to eat during the summer -- into a polylactide polymer (PLA for those in the know). I can hear you mumbling, "What the fuck is that?" Well, PLA from what I can gather, is pretty much a plastic. A plastic made of corn that is fully biodegradable. Quite a change from regular plastic which never goes away. Ever.

So, instead of making things that are usually made out of chemicals and polymers and whatnot, they are making them out of corn. Corn that looks like plastic. I guess corn that essentially is plastic, but not.

I don't really know chemistry, but I am fascinated with this whole idea and process. I can't stop thinking about it. Everyday kinds of stuff like water bottles, plastic forks, Chinese food delivery containers, that plastic wrap around CDs, etc. is going to be made from (and already is in some cases) corn.

From fucking corn!

Smoke Signals

Watch out kids! Mom and Dad now have a new way to bust your punk ass:

Parents Now Have a Tool to Test Their Kids for Marijuana and Cigarette Use

Simple Breath Tester Reveals Marijuana and Cigarette Use

PHILADELPHIA, April 11 /PRNewswire/ -- Bedfont Scientific, a leading manufacturer of breath monitoring equipment based in Southern New Jersey, announced today that it has developed a tool that can aid parents in testing their kids for cigarette and marijuana use and it's called the Smokerlyzer(R).

(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20050411/PHM033 )

The test works on a simple breath sample with the results appearing instantly as the person breathes into the Smokerlyzer(R) carbon monoxide breath tester. Carbon monoxide is a component of both cigarette and marijuana smoke, and there are discernible differences between both substances because of the different way in which they are smoked. Marijuana use usually tends to result in higher readings on the tester. This technology has been in use for the last 20 years in clinical research and in quit smoking clinics, and now more recently by professional counselors in high schools across the U.S. Bedfont has now brought this technology to consumers in the form of a personal breath tester for $59.99.

The professional version of the technology has been extremely popular with schools all over the country, with schools in New Jersey and California leading the way. Over 100 high schools in the State of New Jersey now use professional Smokerlyzers(R) to counsel teens on the dangers of smoking cigarettes and marijuana.

"We're so excited to finally be able to bring this technology to consumers at an affordable price," says company spokesperson Jason Aversano. "For years now, we've received calls from consumers wanting to purchase our professional Smokerlyzers(R), so we knew there was a market here. We know that parents will find that the Smokerlyzer(R) is much more than a disciplinary tool and that it is far more effective as a way to show their kids the dangers of smoking these harmful substances. This is one of the reasons why it is so popular with educators and teens in schools across the country."

A test on the Smokerlyzer(R) can be conducted in a matter of seconds. So when your child walks through the door, you simply pull out your Smokerlyzer(R), conduct a test and you instantly get results. There's real value in the price too, as parents can conduct unlimited tests with the Smokerlyzer(R) and there are no additional accessories to purchase. In addition, the tester is designed to last approximately two years with heavy use.

"Parents who smoke should also be wary," Aversano added. "Kids might just be the ones buying a Smokerlyzer(R) to test their parents. Many school counselors have told us that kids are often so impressed with the monitors that they often ask to take them home to test their parents who smoke." The Smokerlyzer(R) is available at http://www.smokerlyzer.com.

SOURCE Bedfont Scientific
-0- 04/11/2005

Still Haven't Found What I'm Searching For

This past week has had some pretty good search topics that for one reason or another lead the searcher here. Here are my favorites:

• dorky duke fans (Google)
• "sheryl crow" AND "herpes" (1 on Yahoo!, 1 on Google)
• banana pants (Google)
• pyromaniac pics of burning police car (Google)
• tiffany+playboy+pictures+2005 (Google)
• celebs with herpes (1 on Yahoo!, 1 on Dogpile) note: there is a list of celebs with herpes in case you are interested right here (whether it is fact or not you can decide).
• "please molest me" (Google)
• boobs everywhere (Google)
• dear abby Iraq grandma T-shirt (Google)

Now that is what the internet is for!

It's About That Time

Jersey City, NJ
April 7, 2005
1:55pm

Eats on Wheels

Complain as I will about Jersey City, I have to say that the lunch options aren't as bad as I once believed. This recently discovered little gem called The Cafe Snack Truck (or as my co-workers and I like to refer to it as, The Burger Bus) is one of my new favorites. Located at Harborside Financial Center in Parqueado Plaza 10, it is a RV chock full of sustenance.

Before you even get your order going you can see that it will be good with just a simple glance at the back panel. Any vehicle with an illustration of a lady hot dog saying "Bite Me" has gotta be good. No?


You've got Maribez and Willy behind the counter. Maribez is mostly out of view whipping up the eats, while Willy takes the orders, then helps with some prepping and then packages everything up and collects the money. Willy is probably the friendliest guy in all of Jersey City and keeps his prices economical (i.e. bacon, egg and cheese on a roll = $2.50; hot dog = $1.00; bacon cheese burger = $4.00). Not just economical either. That dynamic duo whips up some tasty eatin'. There's a big fat menu of options and the proximity of riverside lunching can't really be beat. If you find yourself hungary in J.C. someday I suggest checking it out.

Ironically enough, despite being a cafe on wheels, The Cafe Snack Truck serves via pick ups only. No delivery. Take that for ironic, Alanis Morissette!

Spellcheck

They may demolish interiors like nobody's business, but their spelling of Brooklyn ain't so hot ...

Corner of Grand Street & Crosby Street
New York, NY

Bawk Bawk

The poultry industry mourns.
Chickens everywhere rejoice.

Frank Perdue
1920 - 2005

"It takes a tough man to raise a tender chicken."

Celebs Get That Stuff?

The other day someone got here by searching sheryl crow herpes on Google. No confirmation as of yet if the searcher was Lance Armstrong.

Lance or not, whoever you are, don't worry about it. Practically everybody has herpes these days. Whether Sheryl has 'em or not you're just going to have to deal with it.