Kneed

If for some odd reason, during your times reading this blog you start to take a liking to me and you start to think you may like to be friends with yours truly, think again. Before you make such a plunge into the unknown, read this e-mail I received today. You may reconsider your craving for friendship.

This e-mail comes from my friend Andrew. Andrew and I met back in 1993. We lived together for a semester in college, rowed together competitively, vandalized things, went on road trips, dressed up in tuxes for each other's weddings, laughed our asses off at all kinds of inappropriate shit and numerous other things that certify us as friends.

Here is the e-mail I get today from Andrew:

From: AP
To: WJR
Date: Apr 3, 2006 2:22 PM
Subject: You're an asshole......

I'm having problems with my knee again. I swear, if I need surgery, I'm coming to NY to beat you with my crutches.

AP

I vaguely remember this knee injury but can't for the life of me remember what the incident was. I was fairly certain booze was involved (ya think?), and remember feeling bad, but other than that all was blank. I have to e-mail him back:

From: WJR
To: AP
Date: Apr 3, 2006 3:20 PM
Subject: Re: You're an asshole......

What were the circumstances around this injury again? I can't for the life of me remember how I damaged you.

The answer arrives:

From: AP
To: WJR
Date: Apr 3, 2006 3:47 PM
Subject: Re: You're an asshole......

WE: Chris N.'s bachelor party on a bus.

YOU: Drunk standing in the aisle

ME: Drunk sitting in a chair with my right knee in the aisle.

YOU: Somehow fall on my outer right knee forcing it to the ground.

ME: Damaged MCL.

ME: Something else is going on in there. My knee clicks and snaps whenever I straighten my leg. Problems walking up and down stairs. Hurts to the touch. Never had a problem until this happened.

If it wasn't so painful, I'd laugh. I'm seeing a knee specialist in two weeks.

Thanks for nothing, asshole.

AP

See how I work? We'll be out drinking, smoking cigars, and having a grand ol' time one second and the next I'll be destroying your medial collateral ligament. And this was a good friend of mine. Imagine if you were fresh on the friendship scene! It'd be uglier for sure.

Heed my warning!

Just Like The Sun

So, for those of you who were wondering about my father's eye operation (apparently even some strangers were concerned), it seems that all has gone well. I guess the vision is about what it was before the operation, but it should gradually improve over the next six to 12 months.

I got an e-mail from my mother giving the non-scientific prognosis: Your dad went to the dr. today and got the bandage off. Right now he sees about as well as before the transplant and hopefully his vision will improve as the healing takes place. The dr. has a "TV screen" that shows what he sees when he looks into your eye. I saw dad's eye - big - and the stitches all around the cornea. Just like a little kid draws the sun!

Obviously, my mother is fascinated with the technology and kid art.

The donated cornea came from some guy who died from "a fall" (I'm guessing a high fall). You know your clumsy ass is going to wind up falling at some point, so, let this be a lesson to you . Sign up to donate your eyes and other junk your body doesn't need upon death. Your parts come in handy to someone rather than just being worm food.

Eye For An Eye

Tomorrow my father is getting a cornea transplant. The mere thought makes my non-corrective lens wearin' eyes cringe. His eyes have been a mess for some time though, and when it can't get much worse, I guess the prospect of being able to see better is enough of a plus for him to avoid the cringing.

The actual procedure involves taking the cornea of someone who has died and inserting it as a replacement for my father's existing cornea. So, the next time I see him, he'll have a piece of someone else doing the lookin'. Modern science is pretty cool. I just hope the cornea doesn't come from an evil donor. I don't want any incidents like with Frinkenstein on The Simpsons.

Sweet glayven!

Not Here

There's no denying that I enjoy discussing bodily functions. Well, when I'm alone with nobody to talk to, I find that signs pertaining to dog's bodily functions sometimes will work as a substitute.

Just when I was starting to feel lonely on my walk home from work and in need of a little juvenile humor I came upon this pick-me-up:

I don't know if it is new or if I just finally noticed it, but this sign on the wall of 333 (half evil I guess) East 14th Street was just what the doctor ordered. Not as funny as this one, but what is?

By the way, building owners ... I don't think dogs can read and even if they could, they certainly can see a sign hung five feet above the ground.

Only Semi Valid

One of our clients at work today had some sort of beef with semicolons which lead to someone at my company being forced into making this note as to cover their ass:

Text of Report:
Combined the headlines with a single dash between them (client told me they do not believe that semicolons are a valid punctuation mark).

Members Only

Last night I went to see a concert at S.O.B.'s here in the NYC. It was my first concert that was entirely hip-hop. I've seen a few rappers/hip-hoppers in my day, but always with some sort of rock and or roll to mix things up a bit. You know, like Public Enemy with Anthrax or Ice Cube mixing it up with all the "alternative" musicmakers at Lollapalooza back in 1992.

Anyway, this show was Swollen Members (insert genital-based joke here) along with openers Gym Class Heroes and Sweatshop Union (actually, just 4 out of the 7 Union members).

I photographed some of the stage antics. You can click on the photos for a larger view if you really care to.

First it's Sweatshop Union:
Sweatshop Union doing their thing. Left to right, you have Kyprios, Metty, DJ Itchy Ron (peaking over Metty's shoulder) and Mos Eisley.

This is Metty the Dert Merchant or Metty for short. He reminds me of Toole, if Toole was Canadian, rapped and owned a Orioles hat. Notice the middle finger. So like Toole. He even had some wacky facial hair, but not quite wacky enough to outdo Toole. His friend to the right is DJ Itchy Ron. As far as I can tell, you just can't go wrong with names like Metty the Dert Merchant and DJ Itchy Ron.

Next up ... Gym Class Heroes:
Gym Class Heroes. From Geneva, N.Y. of all places. Not exactly the center of the hip-hop world. Not even the center of anything. Who would've guessed?

Here is the guitarist and singer of Gym Class Heroes. The guitarist looks like a slightly less beefy and slightly less full of bullet holes 50 Cent. I even saw him dancing around a bit during Swollen Members and he even dances like 50 a bit. Awesome. By the way, the singer makes this face quite frequently.

Travis, singer of Gym Class Heroes. He was constantly fidgeting around and messing with his face. All that busyness reminded me off a combo of Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys and Leonardo DiCaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

I was really looking forward to Swollen Members (insert joke with my name and genitals here), and to be honest they were a bit disappointing. I don't think the crowd, or lack there of, helped much. That said, it's Swollen Members:
This is Mad Child from Swollen Members. I always thought the "Mad" was as in "Crazy" but about 30 seconds into the show I started thinking it was just "Mad" as in "Pissed off." He was bitching about the monitors being to loud, then the sound being too low, then the lights being too bright, then the monitors being too low. He also wasn't too concerned with the smoking ban.

Prevail and Mad Child.

This is Rob the Viking, DJ for Swollen Members. Although he has Viking in his name, I didn't see any sign of a helmet with horns, nor was there any pillaging or plundering.

Swollen Members blurrin' it up.

So, in all it was a $12 well spent. Sweatshop Union was really impressive. Gym Class Heroes was a pleasant surprise. Swollen Members as I mentioned was a little bit of a let down, but I'd be willing to give them another shot.

Keep on rockin' hip-hoppin' in the free world.

Plantastic

It seems that as of late, every single day there is a story or study about how global warming is making a mess out of the Earth and everything on it. The frogs, the coral, the beachfront homes, the polar ice caps, people, etc. All fucked. I personally think the "experts" who say that global warming is a myth are nuts. The whole thing is scary to me and to be completely honest, it makes me feel pretty depressed.

I was also recently reading some articles in Business 2.0 about space. Mostly the business angle (obviously), but it went into some of the innovators and innovations coming down the pipe to make all this space business possible. Cool shit. Space elevators (by 2021), space hotels (by 2015), tourism spaceships (by 2023), humans on Mars (by 2030) and all the crap that goes with it.

So I'm no scientist, but all this reading has given me a possible plan to reduce our problem with global warming. I know there is more to it than this, but I know the buildup of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is part of the trouble. Well, if my 10th grade biology memory is correct, plants convert CO2 to oxygen. The atmosphere doesn't need all that CO2 and us humans can use that oxygen. So, my plan is this: Take some of these fancy space innovations, get some plants way up in the atmosphere, put them on some sort of platform or hanging system and let them do their thing. Clean the air, reduce the speed of the slow baking death the Earth is heading for. Boo-ya!

Now, I don't really have the resources or knowhow to get this done, so I invite whoever has the skills to use my idea. I don't even need any credit, although a simple "thanks" when you accept your Nobel Peace Prize would be nice. Or if you are really nice, perhaps a job which involves a space suit . I look forward to the results.

Oh, and if all this is not actually a help to our global warming problem, please let me down easy. And I'd like to see some proof, because I can't imagine this plan possibly being incorrect.

Check Yourself

Dear Rachael Ray,

You know, I used to find you OK to watch on the ol' Food Network every so often. I even have one of your cookbooks (a gift) and it comes in handy on occasion. Well, you have overstayed your welcome in my eyes. You are on the tube way too much, you wear really unflattering shirts and worst of all, your use of E.V.O.O. for a shitty acronym for Extra Virgin Olive Oil is maddening. Just fucking say "olive oil" or if it really has to be extra virgin, just spit it out. I know you are trying to save time so you can make an entire meal in 30 minutes, but come on! E.V.O.O.? That's NOT a time saver and it is NOT going to sweep the cooking world and make you some sort of word originator. It IS annoying. Get your shit together. Take a look at some of your old shows and compare with some recent ones. I think even you will notice how annoying you have become.

Sincerely,
Me

Chicken!

I get a IM from Lozo today containing this clip:


That never gets old. You may want to keep this link on file just in case you need a laugh injected in your day.

Ready To Serve

Starting tomorrow I get to head down to New York Supreme Court for some jury duty. Well, at least the process to have jury duty. The last time I got called for this American right and legal responsibility, I pretty much spent three days sitting in a big room with a bunch of slobs, waiting for them to call my name for a case. No case ever came my way.

Anyway, hopefully this time it will be a bit more like the Pauly Shore movie Jury Duty. That would kick ass. Me hangin' out with Pauly Shore, Tia Carrere and Abe Vigoda! Well, probably mostly Tia.

Sweet, sweet justice.

Everyone's A Winner

I'm not a big watcher of the Academy Awards. I watch a little, but then get bored of everyone and their acting. I reviewed the winners and some photos, so I think I have it all figured out anyway.

As they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words." I think that rang true:


Jon Stewart gives someone a verbal lashing for talking during one of his monologues as he hosts the 78th annual Academy Awards in Hollywood March 5, 2006. (REUTERS/Gary Hershorn)


South African actress Charlize Theron, nominated for an Oscar for best actress in a leading role for her work in 'North Country,' seems to be going to the same hair stylist as Marge Simpson. A bit more hair and some blue dye, and Marge and Charlize could be the makings of Single White Female 3.(AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)


Actor Felicity Huffman, nominated for best actress for her film 'Transamerica,' does her best blow up doll imitation as she arrives at the 78th annual Academy Awards in Hollywood March 5, 2006. (REUTERS/Brian Snyder)

What the hell happened here? Holy shit!

Musician Eddie Van Halen arrives at the 14th Annual Elton John Academy Awards Viewing Dinner and After-Party in West Hollywood, Calif., Sunday, March 5, 2006. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Mercury and Chrysler

Thursday, March 2, 2006 @ 9:15pm

Consistent

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't had shit to say lately.


I still don't.

... and Your Little Dog Too!

I consider myself to be a liker (not licker) of dogs. Small dogs I like a bit less, but I think it is mostly due to the way owners treat their little dogs like babies. Dress them up, carry them around in a bag, talk to them with baby talk, etc. If you are going to be like that with your dog, buy a cat or make a real baby. I had two canine encounters the other day that got me feeling annoyed.

The first encounter was a tiny little fucker. The owner was yapping away on her cell phone and not paying any attention to the rat size dog at the end of her leash. She also had the rat dog dressed in a pink sweater of some kind. So dumb. As I was passing said dog I closed my phone (it's a flip style). The noise of the closing phone, which is no louder than snapping my fingers, made this dog jump like I had fired a gun next to it. Stupid.

Here is the rat dog in action:





The next offender is mostly the fault of the owner. I go to get my hair cut and the guy in the chair had his fucking dog on his lap.

First of all, I think you should leave your dog at home when you are going for a trim, but if for some reason you can't, the dog can stay on the floor, unless it too wants a trim. I was really hoping Michael (my barber) would "slip" with the clippers just once. Maybe give that dog a nice Mr. T haircut. By the way, not to be outdone by the little rat dog, this dog had accessories too. No pink sweater, but a Burberry (or imitation Burberry) collar and leash.

I could tell Michael didn't really find it very amusing, but he is too professional and nice to say anything. He's all about getting the cut right and all about getting his BIG $9 payment when it is through. Man I wanted to punch that dog owner right in his cleanly trimmed head.

Northern Roots

What's up with the U.S. Olympic team using Roots (a Canadian company) for their official Olympic outfits? This is the third time (Salt Lake City, Athens and Torino). I'm all for global economy and all that, and I like Canada as much as the next guy, but with an event as full of country pride, shouldn't we get some American company to whip up some outfits? I think there are a couple of American designers/manufacturers out there. Before you say it, I know every country wears our crappy Nike stuff, but perhaps they should think about doing otherwise as well.

Maybe I'm just being a dick, but for some reason it irks me a bit.

A Couple of Rock Pix

I went to see a rock show at Webster Hall this past Wednesday. The whole lineup was Zao, DevilDriver, Trivium and In Flames. I really only wanted to see Trivium, but got there a bit early so I caught DevilDriver too. Sometimes a good ol' fashioned rockathon is just what the doctor ordered.

Last time I went to Webster Hall, they didn't seem to be allowing photos. "Only camera phones and disposable cameras" I was told. Seems to me a photo is a photo, so I didn't understand that logic, but I didn't want to get thrown down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk, so I complied. So, this show I didn't bring my camera and it seemed the rules had changed as photos were happening on the regular. Maybe it depends on the band and not the venue, but either way, this time around all I could manage was these three phone-based photos which don't really do the show justice.

Paolo stays left of the light


Matt urges the crowd to chaos


Those horns aren't for Texas

Anywho, just thought I would share. I know the photos are lacking. I'll try to do better next time.

... Or Die Tryin'

While speaking to the press upon his release from the hospital, Harry Whittington expressed that he occasionally wished that the birdshot Vice President Dick Cheney shot him with was an actual bullet or two as it may have jump started his struggling rap career by boosting his street cred and possibly giving him a distinctive slur like his mentor 50 Cent. Whittington said, "Bruises don't last forever, ya know? This isn't like a missing tooth or some nasty scars. I just don't think this is going to give me the long-term appeal this business requires."

Tags For Everyone

So, I have been tagged for the first time in my blogging career by Turf. Tagging seems to be a string a questions that you answer and then throw at others who are then supposed to answer the same questions. Sort of a classy, information revealing chain mail. This tagging seems to be all the rage among the bloggers. I guess I'm a blogger, so I'll follow proper blogger etiquette and play along, even though I'm not so sure I like the whole idea.

Anyway, here we go ... Oh, by the way, Turf is out in Iowa. We don't know each other at all, other than reading the crap we spew online. Look at us! Making friends and learning about each other.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Editor at a wire news service
2. production coordinator at computer graphics/animation company
3. Lifeguard
4. amusement park ride operator

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Old School
2. The Wizard of Oz
3. Three Amigos
4. The Usual Suspects

Four places I've lived:
1. New York, NY (Manhattan)
2. New York, NY (Brooklyn)
3. Poughkeepsie, NY
4. Latham, NY

Four TV shows I love:
1. The Simpsons
2. Arrested Development
3. Good Eats
4. My Name Is Earl

Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows I havenÂ’t seen (much of):
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Lost
3. NCIS
4. all the HBO shows (Deadwood, The Sopranos, etc)

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Thailand
2. Belize
3. Costa Rica
4. Bermuda

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Seared Ahi Tuna Taco with Avocado Salsa
2. Mac & Cheese (homemade, not that boxed business)
3. Hot dogs cooked on a stick over a fire
4. Thanksgiving turkey with fixins

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Yahoo! news
2. craigslist (NY)
3. New York Hack
4. CBS SportsLine

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. in bed
2. sitting by the Hudson River in Poughtown
3. any of the places on my vacation list
4. Floating on a tube in Afton

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1. DDubs (because he needs a kick in the ass to blog something
2. Lozo (because he will turn this into a fiasco)
3. AMS' (I've never even seen AMS blog until today, but I figured every list needs someone from Ireland who listens to Jurassic 5)
4. Toole (only because I know he is too cool to do this)


THE END, or -0- as we like to do at work.

By the way blogging etiquette says those who are tagged are supposed to continue the chain posting madness. Etiquette ... such a pain in the ass.

V.P. Jokes for A.P.

This one's for Andrew P. who wanted a Dick Cheney joke ~

"You can't blame anybody else. I'm the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend."

Ha! Ha! That is a good one ... no, wait, that isn't funny, but then again, I don't think I am particularly good at telling jokes.

Perhaps it will improve with some visual assistance? Try reading that quote again while looking at this photo, I think it will pass as funny, or at least funny-er:

There's our Vice President! He dodged the Vietnam draft, ran a company with a long history of sketchy behavior, makes funny monkey faces and shoots his friends.

Now, that's funny!

Remastered

So, I guess the top Olympians are being rewarded with compact discs instead of the traditional medals this year?
Sweden's Thobias Fredriksson displays his gold medal after the medal ceremony the Men's Cross Country Team Sprint at the Turin 2006 Winter Olympic Games in Pragelato Plan, Italy, Tuesday, Feb 14, 2006. (AP Photo/Andrew Medichini)

Lil' Pimps

I went upstate this past weekend for some fresh air. In order to stuff some of that crispy, invisible goodness into my lungs, I spent some time strapped to my snowboard at Greek Peak. The snow up there wasn't all that plentiful, but I managed to work with what Mother Nature (and some snow guns) gave me, and had a good time.

During a brief break at the base of the mountain, I see two groups of kids walking along. I am guessing junior high, but my judge of age is pretty awful, so who the hell knows. One group was all guys, the other was guys, and one gal. Apparently, the guys in this group had a mission to pimp her out to the other group, and when the interest wasn't there, they did not tolerate "no" very well:

Kid from Group 1: Hey! You! Kid with the red hat.

Kid from Group 2: Yeah?

Kid from Group 1: This girl wants your phone number.

Kid from Group 2: NO!

Kid from Group 1: She just wants your number.

Kid from Group 2: I said NO!

Other kid from Group 2: Noooooooooo!

Kid from Group 1: Geeez. OK, see ya later gay group.

Wrong For So Many Reasons

You ever see that movie Outbreak? You ever heard of Avian influenza or bird flu as some like to call it? Yeah, well I guess this woman hadn't:

Woman Does 'Mouth-To-Beak' to Save Chicken

ARKADELPHIA, Ark. (AP) -- Sometimes a chicken does have lips, just not her own. Marian Morris saved her brother's exotic chicken, Boo Boo, by administering "mouth-to-beak" resuscitation on the fowl after it was found floating face down in the family's pond.

Morris, a retired nurse, said she hadn't had any practice with CPR in years, but that she was interested to see if she "still had it."

"I breathed into its beak, and its dad-gum eyes popped open," Morris said. "I breathed into its beak again, and its eyes popped open again. "I said, 'I think this chicken's alive now. Keep it warm.'"

Morris said she was pleased to find that the bird she saved was an "exotic," and not just an ordinary chicken.

The chicken is called Boo Boo, because she is easily frightened. The family thought Boo Boo was startled and flopped into the pond.

Boo-ya!

Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 10

The Black and Gold

As a Steeler fan, I've had a bunch of people asking me my feelings on the big Super Bowl XL. I have to say, I feel pretty good, and let's face it -- even if they lose, I'll still enjoy my pizza, beer and wings.

I pleased and amused, yet slightly alarmed at how popular the Steelers are all of a sudden. Mostly the support seems to come from freaks, but I like having the freaks on my side. Afterall, who doesn't like freaks? Terrible Towel waving freaks ...

Punxsutawney Phil, the weather predicting groundhog, is held up by his handler Bill Deeley while holding a 'Terrible Towel' after the prediction of six more weeks of winter was announced in Punxsutawney, Pa. on Thursday, Feb. 2, 2006. The towel is used by Pittsburgh Steelers fans to show support for their team who are playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday, Feb. 5. (AP Photo/Keith Srakocic)

Management of CNX Gas Corp., of South Park, Pa., wave Terrible Towels as CNX Chairman Philip Baxter, third left, rings the New York Stock Exchange opening bell, during listing ceremonies Tuesday Jan. 31, 2006. NYSE CEO John Thain, second left, joins the celebration. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)

U.S. Airways pilot Capt. Bill Shoemaker waves a 'terrible towel' from the flight deck as the Pittsburgh Steelers football team plane arrives at Detroit Metro Airport, Monday, Jan. 30, 2006, in Romulus, Mich. The Steelers play the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl, Sunday, Feb. 5, in Detroit. (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

Yours truly, making a specticle of myself at Giants Stadium last year. Steelers vs. Giants, December 18, 2004. (non-AP Photo and game tickets/Michael Toole)

Go Steelers!

Adios Autobus

One of my favorite lunch options in the low-option world of Jersey City is a little something we call The Burger Bus. Well, I went to get my delicious $3 sandwich a week or so ago and I was informed that my favorite snack supplier would be no more. My sandwich guy Willy would be ditching the world of mobile restaurant for a standard issue, bolted to one place kind of situation. So, the Snack Truck would now be a snack place? I guess a restaurant is what you could call it.

Now, I don't mind losing the novelty of a mobile snack spot, but my problem is that the new style is not only anchored in one place, it is also two PATH train stops away. That's not really going to work for me. Damn you Burger Bus! I was briefly intrigued at the notion of trying to convince Willy to sell me the bus so I can begin a new career, but I was concerned about parking and my lack of griddle experience so I didn't follow through.

Anyway, my sorrow is certainly Lozo's joy (Lozo falsely claims that The Burger Bus tried to poison him. I say Lozo is just a bit wimpy in the guts).

Good luck to Willy and perhaps I'll make the trek to the new joint at Journal Square someday.

Cot Snack

I went upstate this weekend to do a little snowboarding at Gore Mountain. Some friends of mine have been going on this trip as an annual thing, but this was only my first time. Every trip involves staying at a cabin that can only be described as rustic, and is affectionately referred to as "The Yak Shack" due to an incident involving overdrinking and regurgitation the first year there.

The weekend was full of beer, fire, uncomfortable sleep, flatulence and laughing.

Four of the guys skipped work and went up Friday morning. Myself and my other friend went up after work on Friday (ATTN: co-workers, take note how I didn't screw you over). After 4-1/2 hours of being in the car, this is the scene on the porch that greeted us:


Two cots, labeled with our names on the pillow. A weekend cooped up with comedians.


Note the pre-sleep snack (my favorite part). One can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and an assortment of cookies, pretzels and chips.


I took my snack plate, but as cozy as the porch looked, I slept inside.

Smaller Version

Some young punks made a little SNL Narnia rap of their own: http://www.youtube.com/?v=rkcqPbTxTWY

Pretty good tribute, yet remarkably creepy.

Start Strong

Perhaps this new network can take a chance on Arrested Development? Come on CW! Get some balls and show Fox how stupid they really are.

It's The New Style

So, I've acquired myself a new computer. How's this typing look? New and impressively more technologically advanced? Just as I thought.

Anywho, as opposed to blogging, I've been spending the majority of my time trying to transfer files from the old Dell to this new iMac. I feel retarded. My old key commands don't work, I'm double clicking when I don't need to and closing things when I don't mean to. It is annoying, but I am sure I'll be lovin' it once I get the new style nailed down.

A Classic

Some one got here today with one of my all-time favorite searches: COUNTRY SINGER THROWS TAMPON ONTO CROWD DURING CONCERT

That search should be inducted into the Internet Search Hall of Fame or in the event that the said tampon throwing did actually occur, perhaps the Country Music Hall of Fame would be more appropriate.

Another Round

Come April 4, this will be something fun to purchase, listen to, get drunk and smash beer bottles over the heads of your drinking buddies: Rebel Meets Rebel

David Allen Coe + Pantera (including Dimebag) = loud and offensive and completely booze friendly

The perfect summer companion.

Unnecessarily Close

I guess that small heart attack I had during the Steelers/Colts game could have been prevented afterall: NFL: Ref blew it on Polamalu interception reversal

The Wheels On The Bus ...

Not much to report on this MLK Jr. Day, but I feel as though I need to get something posted as the one-eyed cat is beginning to lose its appeal to some (cry babies!).

Well, how 'bout them Steelers?!
Yes I live in New York, and always have, yet I'm a Steelers fan. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I know, but much of this crazy world doesn't make much sense. That's just the way it is.

As you can see by this photo, the Steelers are so confident, most plays they just have guys lying around on the field with no helmet on, almost to say, "This game is so easy, I'm gonna chill here and catch the game on the jumbotron. If you see a hot dog or beer vendor let me know."

Anywho, hop on the bandwagon if you wish. I think there is still some room, but space is filling up fast. Next stop ... Denver.

FelEYEne

I generally don't consider myself a cat person, but if science could figure a way to make cats like these that would live longer than a day, I'd be first in line to buy one.

Oh yes, this is real.

story

Flyin' No More

Today, while out for some lunch I see something on the ground out of the corner of my eye. Upon closer inspection, I see this:


It appeared to be pigeon wings, or if not pigeon, then some other unfortunate bird. Regretfully, I didn't have my regular camera with me, so I snapped this one with my camera phone, so the zoomability is lacking, but I think you can get the idea (you can click on the photo for a larger view).

I thought that perhaps a random cat or hawk or some other creature of doom did the deed, but usually when this is the case there is an abundance of feathers around. Well, in this instance, there were just the wings placed all picturesque on a step by the river. No feathers. No sign of a struggle. Slightly odd. Also odd in my book was the fact that the wings had the bones sticking out of them. It doesn't look like a bird got snagged and then eaten, except for the wings. This thing looked like something grabbed a hold of each wing and yanked the bone right out of the bird all horror movie style. Yeeeouch!

My guess is we'll never know the truth, but perhaps that is just as well.

Letter Switch

My friend Meg made the discovery that if you mistype "stinktown.blogspot" as "stinktown.blogpsot" this very stinktown blog becomes something a bit more pious: http://stinktown.blogpsot.com

I warn you all ... type with care.

Another One Arrives

Happy 2006 everyone. As it has been pretty much every year for the last fifteen years or so, this new year has begun with me feeling mighty hungover. Such a nice foreshadowing of what the year to come holds.

I'm not one for resolutions normally, but today I decided that my resolution would be to eat a corndog. Somehow, despite all of my disgusting eating habits, I've never had one. How this happened is a mystery, but this is the year I right my wrong. Maybe this event will be my ticket to success, although I feel like a state or county fair might be a more authentic locale for this monumental event.

Anyway, I hope I can stick to this tough resolution. I think with your support and encouragement I can. Thanks.

Ritual End

It's the end of the year 2005. Isn't it time for some sort of recap or something? Well, I don't know if I'm up for all that, but I'll give a small list of my favorite albums/concerts in 2005. Just in the name of required posting.

Please note, that I'm not necessarily saying these are the best albums or concerts. I'm saying they're the ones I enjoyed the most. There is a big difference.

Here you go (in no particular order):

Favorite Albums of 2005
Mindless Self Indulgence - You'll Rebel To Anything
Roadrunner United - The All Star Sessions
Better Than Ezra - Before The Robots
Luce - Never Ending
Gorillaz - Demon Days
Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine
Mudvayne - Lost And Found
Ill Nino - One Nation Underground
Rise Against - Siren Song Of The Counter Culture

Favorite Concerts of 2005
Collective Soul @ Irving Plaza, New York, NY
Roadrunner United @ The Nokia Theatre, New York, NY
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers @ B.B. King's, New York, NY
Mindless Self Indulgence @ Webster Hall, New York, NY
Better Than Ezra @ Irving Plaza,New York, NY
the amber code @ Brooklyn Music Terminal, New York, NY

Happy 2006, jerks!

Nelson Keeps 'Em On

Have you noticed the We All Have AIDS posters around? I have seen them here and there, and twice tonight while waiting for a subway I got to have a look at one real close like.


Each poster had a slightly different configuration of celebs and dignitaries standing there in their black and white glory. Both posters had a common denominator of Nelson Mandela. Now, the thing that stuck me most (and maybe this is shallow to be slightly overlooking the AIDS message), was that Nelson Mandela was the only one wearing shoes. Everyone else was sans footwear. Even "Dame Elizabeth Taylor" got down to just feet.

What's up with Nelson's shoe-wearin' feet?

I see he has a cane, but what is going on down there? Fungus? Sores? Athlete's foot? I'd like to even think that perhaps his legs are fake. Nelson Mandela with one of those Cheetah style legs would be cool.

Obviously I don't know what the deal is, but if someone else does I'd love to hear it.

Something Looks a Bit Fake

My name is Tori Spelling and I love my fake tits! Hooray me!!!

Actress Tori Spelling arrives at the fifteenth annual Soap Opera Digest Awards in Los Angeles in this February 26, 2005 file photo. Months after splitting from her first husband, former 'Beverly Hills, 90210' star Tori Spelling is engaged to her new boyfriend, actor Dean McDermott, celebrity magazines Us Weekly and People reported on December 27, 2005. REUTERS/FSP/Rose Prouser/Files

Ho Ho Hanukkah

Happy Hanukkah (or Chanukah, Hannukah, Hanukah, Chanuka, Chanukkah, Hanuka, Channukah, Hanukka, hang, hang, and Haines, depending upon your preference) to all my Hanukkah celebratin' peeps.

Worst Hangover Ever

And this is why you don't run out on a football field and head for the opposing team's bench during a game:
Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison slams a fan to the turf after he ran onto the field during the fourth quarter of the Steelers' 41-0 NFL win over the Cleveland Browns Saturday, Dec. 24, 2005, in Cleveland. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas to all my Christmas celebratin' peeps.

Finally Something Funny

Did anyone watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend? As usual, it wasn't very funny, but there was a rap by Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg that had me dying. Check it ~here~

Laborious

Dear Transport Workers of America, Local 100,

Go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely,
Me (and everybody else that your greedy asses are inconveniencing today and beyond -- pretty much everyone who lives in the New York Metropolitan area)

3rd Street Development

All this talk in the news yesterday and today about Arrested Development made me realize that I didn't even mention my big star sighting while I was in L.A.

What an idiot I am!

The first day in L.A., I was walking along the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, just checking out the scene and who is standing there talking on the phone? Tony Hale aka Buster Bluth!

It was all I could do to play it cool and not go take a photo or tell him Arrested Development was the only thing worth watching on television and that Fox must be retarded to be canceling it or at least mumble, "Hey, brother" while I walked by.

That L.A. sure is somethin'.

Take A Looksee

Here are some selected photos from my New York --> Denver --> Los Angeles --> New York journey (if you want to see more let me know and I can send you a link with the whole lot):

The Denver Airport is one of the best airports I have ever been in. It is new, well lit, has decent food/shopping options and my favorite plus -- bathrooms that serve an extra function from most. The bathrooms are also tornado shelters! So, if tornados make you feel like you might shit your pants, no problem.

Pee and shelter
Here is a shot I took at the Avalanche vs. Sabers game in Denver. Marek Svatos works some magic on a penalty shot to tie the game up. The crowd went apeshit. I blew up the actual goal in the lower left corner there, so you can see my luck skill of catching the puck just as it crosses the line. Pretty sweet.

It's in the goal
As you can see from the difficulty my friend Scott is having in this photo, in Denver pool can be quite challenging.

Distractions from all sides.
This doesn't really have much of a story. I just liked the shot.

Garden at the Getty Center
We went to see this fella, Hodges Taylor at The Mint. He's not bad, and he photographs really funky.

Streaky Hodges
One day while Gabe (who I was visiting in L.A.) was working, I gave his bike a quick tuning and went for a ride. Here I am at the beach in Venice. Just a little bit before this timer shot of yours truly, there was some beach punk trying to tag the path on the beach. I rode right through his work, much to his dislike. I have some hope that incident will rekindle the East Coast/West Coast rap feud.

Bill and bike
I think this might be the best star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame:

The stars at night, are big and bright, clap clap clap clap ...
As some of you know, Gabe only learned to drive right before he bailed out of NYC. Look at him now! Driving on the P.C.H. with two passengers ... with only one hand!

The NaturalAnd that is all for now...

End communication.

I Don't Need Your News

In the last class I took, my professor was constantly stressing how important it is to keep updated on the news and current events. Well, while I was away I managed to know practically nothing about current events and everything worked out just fine.

Education is for suckers.

In response to Kenneth, the trip went well. It was fun to hang with Gabe and Matt. Nothing gay happened and so far I don't seem to have any staph-related funk or anything else that requires medical attention. I think there is some sort of incubation period though, so I'm not counting myself cootie free yet.

Assorted photos to follow.

kcaB

In case any of you have been wondering, I have been away on a little vacation. Out in Denver and then Los Angeles. Perhaps I'll share with you some details/photos later if I get into the spirit.

On my flight home last night (actually early this morning) I had a window seat. As we neared planet Earth, I looked out the window to see if I could tell where we were exactly. I look down, and what is below me? My place of employment.

Work. What a crappy "Welcome to the End of Your Vacation" that is.

Out Damn Spot

I was just downstairs in my building doing laundry. There is an older woman also doing laundry and I notice that after she put her wet clothes into the dryer, she busts out a can of Lysol® Disenfectant Spray. She gives the whole mouth of the dryer a spray and then gives a quick blast into the dryer over her clothes. I was at first thinking that maybe she had some sort of germ issue, but then thought better of it. Ya know, maybe she knows a laundry secret I don't, or perhaps she just likes the way that Lysol Spring Waterfall® Scent makes her clothes smell.

Then as she is walking back over to the washers for more of her stuff, she sprays her hands. Holy Crap! Sprays her fucking hands with Lysol®! I guess she really does have a germ issue. I hope I never get wacky like that.

Germ issue or not, I can't imagine that spraying your hands with Lysol® is good good for you.