By the way, this is my first picture posting. Prepare for overdose of this luxury.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Mary Had A Little Cliff
This is a place called Mary's Hole (I'm sure that's not the official name, but that is what everyone called it). It is in Troy, NY. Back when I was younger and slightly more retarded we used to do cliff jumping here when we needed a fix of adrenaline. We would jump from two different points. Neither was very safe. My parents used to get really pissed if they found out we had gone there, but it was too fun to stop.
By the way, this is my first picture posting. Prepare for overdose of this luxury.
By the way, this is my first picture posting. Prepare for overdose of this luxury.
Sporting Fool
Q: Who's destined to be the Asshole of the Year?
A: Cornelius Horan
Who messes with an Olympic athlete ... especially an athlete who has already run 23 miles and is skinny as hell to begin with? Cornelius Horan does. It's the fucking Olympics! The only place/event that you can ignore cultural/racial/political/religious differences. Messing with someone in the Olympics who has been in training for years, especially for a religious reason makes you a major asshole. Why not mess with a boxer or freestyle wrestler so you could have had your ass beaten like you deserve? For your next stunt (which I'm sure will come soon thanks to your skimpy penalty) try running out on the field during the javelin so you can get skewered or perhaps out on the shooting range. That way you would get your message out to the world and get what you deserve at the same time.
A: Cornelius Horan
Who messes with an Olympic athlete ... especially an athlete who has already run 23 miles and is skinny as hell to begin with? Cornelius Horan does. It's the fucking Olympics! The only place/event that you can ignore cultural/racial/political/religious differences. Messing with someone in the Olympics who has been in training for years, especially for a religious reason makes you a major asshole. Why not mess with a boxer or freestyle wrestler so you could have had your ass beaten like you deserve? For your next stunt (which I'm sure will come soon thanks to your skimpy penalty) try running out on the field during the javelin so you can get skewered or perhaps out on the shooting range. That way you would get your message out to the world and get what you deserve at the same time.
Windy Teaches Lessons
I went to Chicago this weekend. It was my first city to the Windy City. I ate some deep dish pizza and a bunch of hot dogs, saw a Cubs game and most importantly drank entirely too much (mostly Old Style beer). Apparently my old body does not care much of three straight days of drinking and not sleeping enough. Along with this revelation, I have also confirmed that the NYC smoking ban has turned my lungs more sensitive than ever. After hanging out for hours in the Chicago bars in the evening I would wake up in the morning and would feel as though I had been sitting around with my lips clamped on a tailpipe of a 1977 Plymouth Volare wagon. Mmmm carbon monoxide ...
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Plane Talk
Sometimes I like to send out breaking news or stupid news I see on the internet or "wire" to my friends via e-mail as to keep them informed. After reading about the Russian planes which went down yesterday, I remembered about a bit of inappropriate humor I had on file from years ago. Well, plane crashes are nothing to laugh about (especially since I am flying tomorrow), but I figure if you can laugh at death you can laugh at anything. So, if my plane crashes tomorrow feel free to laugh. Anyway, after Air France's Concorde went down in a ball of flame back in 2000, I sent an e-mail to my friends letting them know. I don't remember what I had in the subject line (I wish I did), but I guess it was something heartless and inappropriate. In response, my friend Todd whips this back in the ever-popular "reply all" style:
Top 10 subject lines Bill could have used instead:
10. May-day, sil vous plait
9. supersonic becomes super flammable
8. "Uhh, Captain, aren't you going to steer away from that hotel?!"
7. Our biscuits are burnin'!
6. "What do you mean you're having a bad day captain?"
5. 109 was one too many
4. Talk about having money to burn
3. Not your left, my left
2. Today's movie will be Cheech and Chong's "Up in Smoke"
and the number one subject line?
1. That's a roger, Roger. What's your vector, Victor
Grotesque Protest
I'm sick of all of this legal bullshit with people wanting to protest during the Republican National Convention. The city is going to be enough of a mess without protesters, and what are you accomplishing by protesting? You've been protesting since this Iraq situation started, and the war rages on. Most New Yorkers don't care for George Bush. Everyone knows that, even the Republicans in MSG. If you have to protest you don't have to be in Central Park. Most people are going to avoid the MSG area like the plague. Where might they like to go? Central Park. If your stupid protesting asses are in there we'll be surrounded by shitheads. Why not protest somewhere near where the politicians are? Aren't they the ones you want to hear your "message"? I'm guessing they aren't going to hear your stupid hippy voices 40 blocks away. Stay downtown assholes. I have an idea for all of you (protesters and non-protesters alike) -- protest by voting. That is the only way you are even going to come close to making anything change in this strange land ... well, I guess you could go to law school and then start a political career, but we all know that isn't going to happen, and let's be honest; even if it did happen you wouldn't change a thing.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Otterly Vicious
After I read the recent otter attack story I was doing a little searching on the internet about otters to see what they are all about and found that these otters seem to be pretty damn nuts. Check out these stories and you will start to think twice before you mess with otters:
Crew Boats Fend Off Otter Attack
HANOVER, N.H., April 9, 2004
http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2004040901030
NEW BEDFORD, Mass., Jan. 1, 2001
Officer Attacked by Rabid Otter
http://www.s-t.com/daily/01-01/01-10-01/a01lo026.htm
NEW BEDFORD, Mass., Jan. 11, 2001
Boy Recalls Scary Encounter With Rabid Critter
http://www.s-t.com/daily/01-01/01-11-01/a01lo010.htm
SAVANNAH, Ga., July 26, 2001
Boy Needs 14 Stitches After Otter Attack http://www.savannahnow.com/stories/072601/LOCotter.shtml
Crew Boats Fend Off Otter Attack
HANOVER, N.H., April 9, 2004
http://www.thedartmouth.com/article.php?aid=2004040901030
NEW BEDFORD, Mass., Jan. 1, 2001
Officer Attacked by Rabid Otter
http://www.s-t.com/daily/01-01/01-10-01/a01lo026.htm
NEW BEDFORD, Mass., Jan. 11, 2001
Boy Recalls Scary Encounter With Rabid Critter
http://www.s-t.com/daily/01-01/01-11-01/a01lo010.htm
SAVANNAH, Ga., July 26, 2001
Boy Needs 14 Stitches After Otter Attack http://www.savannahnow.com/stories/072601/LOCotter.shtml
Friday, August 20, 2004
See Ya Kat
It is co-worker extraordinaire (and wily blogger) Kat's last day at our company. No stinky new office for her. I say congrats and good luck to her while at the same time cursing her for leaving us for greener pastures. Kat, please accept from me this one final "Kudos".
Get Otter My Way
The attached article is no laughing matter, but I have to admit that I would have loved to have seen this crazed otter chasing a swimming class. It sounds like a really bad horror movie. The kids I used to teach swimming to were dopey enough that they probably wouldn't have been able to figure out an escape and instead of just a bite, they would have been killed.
I was a lifeguard back in the day ... I can't remember any training for what to do if an otter attacks, but the lifeguards on the scene here seemed to know what to do. Baywatch Putnam has a nice ring to it. Nice work guards!
From the Poughkeepsie Journal (The third oldest newspaper in the USA and The oldest newspaper in New York):
Friday, August 20, 2004
Rabid otter attacks boy in Putnam
Animal killed after chasing swim class
By Nik Bonopartis
PUTNAM VALLEY -- A rabies-infested otter was shot dead by a sheriff's deputy Wednesday after it chased down and bit a Putnam Valley boy at a local swimming spot, the Putnam County Sheriff's Office said.
Six-year-old Ethan Pederson was taking swimming lessons at a community swimming area in a small lake in the town, police said, when he escaped from the water with the otter hanging onto his back and legs.
The lifeguards were able to wrestle the otter off Pederson, but the animal began chasing other people in the immediate area. Police said the otter ran back into the water several times but returned and tried to attack the rest of the people in the swimming class.
Sheriff's deputies were called to the lake about 11:16 a.m. Lifeguards were able to trap the otter under a plastic crate before police arrived, and a deputy killed the animal.
Test positive
The otter was turned over to the Putnam County Department of Health and tested positive for rabies, police said.
With the exception of the ocean-faring sea otter, otters are fresh-water mammals that generally have brown fur and grow to about four feet in length.
The normally nocturnal, semi-aquatic freshwater otters prefer to eat coarse fish, salmonoids and eels, according to the nonprofit group Working For Wildlife. Otters have also been known to hunt birds when the opportunity presents itself, the group said.
Boy doing well
Pederson was treated for a puncture wound to his hand and several scratches on his back, as well as for rabies. Police said they last spoke with Pederson's mother Thursday afternoon and were told the boy is doing well.
Otters infected with rabies are rare but not unheard of, said Steve Capowski, director of environmental health services at the Dutchess County Health Department.
''We haven't had an occurrence of it (in Dutchess), but they're a mammal, and they're capable'' of contracting the disease, he said.
Capowski said people should avoid close contact with wild animals and especially look after their pets to avoid rabies. He recommends having pets vaccinated as well, as they can get exposed and pass the infection on to pet owners.
The sheriff's office called the case unusual for Putnam County but advised local residents to be careful around wildlife in the area as a precaution.
Aggressive behavior by wild or domestic animals should be reported to the sheriff's office by calling 845-225-4399.
Nik Bonopartis can be reached at nbonopar@poughkeepsiejournal.com
I was a lifeguard back in the day ... I can't remember any training for what to do if an otter attacks, but the lifeguards on the scene here seemed to know what to do. Baywatch Putnam has a nice ring to it. Nice work guards!
From the Poughkeepsie Journal (The third oldest newspaper in the USA and The oldest newspaper in New York):
Friday, August 20, 2004
Rabid otter attacks boy in Putnam
Animal killed after chasing swim class
By Nik Bonopartis
PUTNAM VALLEY -- A rabies-infested otter was shot dead by a sheriff's deputy Wednesday after it chased down and bit a Putnam Valley boy at a local swimming spot, the Putnam County Sheriff's Office said.
Six-year-old Ethan Pederson was taking swimming lessons at a community swimming area in a small lake in the town, police said, when he escaped from the water with the otter hanging onto his back and legs.
The lifeguards were able to wrestle the otter off Pederson, but the animal began chasing other people in the immediate area. Police said the otter ran back into the water several times but returned and tried to attack the rest of the people in the swimming class.
Sheriff's deputies were called to the lake about 11:16 a.m. Lifeguards were able to trap the otter under a plastic crate before police arrived, and a deputy killed the animal.
Test positive
The otter was turned over to the Putnam County Department of Health and tested positive for rabies, police said.
With the exception of the ocean-faring sea otter, otters are fresh-water mammals that generally have brown fur and grow to about four feet in length.
The normally nocturnal, semi-aquatic freshwater otters prefer to eat coarse fish, salmonoids and eels, according to the nonprofit group Working For Wildlife. Otters have also been known to hunt birds when the opportunity presents itself, the group said.
Boy doing well
Pederson was treated for a puncture wound to his hand and several scratches on his back, as well as for rabies. Police said they last spoke with Pederson's mother Thursday afternoon and were told the boy is doing well.
Otters infected with rabies are rare but not unheard of, said Steve Capowski, director of environmental health services at the Dutchess County Health Department.
''We haven't had an occurrence of it (in Dutchess), but they're a mammal, and they're capable'' of contracting the disease, he said.
Capowski said people should avoid close contact with wild animals and especially look after their pets to avoid rabies. He recommends having pets vaccinated as well, as they can get exposed and pass the infection on to pet owners.
The sheriff's office called the case unusual for Putnam County but advised local residents to be careful around wildlife in the area as a precaution.
Aggressive behavior by wild or domestic animals should be reported to the sheriff's office by calling 845-225-4399.
Nik Bonopartis can be reached at nbonopar@poughkeepsiejournal.com
Thursday, August 19, 2004
30 Minutes
Sometimes I am amazed at how quickly time can fly. This morning, for instance: My alarm goes off with its usual annoying beeping, I reach off the bed to turn it off and 30 minutes later I wake up with the realization that I don't have enough time to go running as I planned, and if I want to get to work on time I need to get my ass moving. Where did the time go?
Sometimes I will turn off my alarm and say to myself, "Just 5 more minutes." It never winds up being 5 more minutes, but I guess that is expected. This morning, I don't even remember wishing for 5 more minutes or doing anything else except for turning off my alarm, thinking to myself, "SHIT" and then waking up 30 minutes later. Damn that's annoying.
Sometimes I will turn off my alarm and say to myself, "Just 5 more minutes." It never winds up being 5 more minutes, but I guess that is expected. This morning, I don't even remember wishing for 5 more minutes or doing anything else except for turning off my alarm, thinking to myself, "SHIT" and then waking up 30 minutes later. Damn that's annoying.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Rainbow 6.0
A short time ago someone told me this joke:
Q. What is the hardest thing about rollerblading?
A. Telling your parents you're gay.
Ha!
Well, prep my parents for a talk and wrap me in a rainbow flag because I have some new skates.
I've actually had them for a couple of weeks now, but if you happen to be in the market for some in-line skates I recommend the K2 XP 6.0. I'm lovin' them (but not in a gay way). Buy yourself a pair and try 'em on your next commute.
Q. What is the hardest thing about rollerblading?
A. Telling your parents you're gay.
Ha!
Well, prep my parents for a talk and wrap me in a rainbow flag because I have some new skates.
I've actually had them for a couple of weeks now, but if you happen to be in the market for some in-line skates I recommend the K2 XP 6.0. I'm lovin' them (but not in a gay way). Buy yourself a pair and try 'em on your next commute.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Cover Me
Looking for a blast from the past with a twist of newness? Probably not, but whether you are or aren't, you'll be getting some funneled right into your ear canal soon enough:
Marilyn Manson's greatest-hits album, due September 28 will have a cover of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus"
Britney Spears' greatest-hits album, due November 16 will have a cover of Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative"
Marilyn Manson's greatest-hits album, due September 28 will have a cover of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus"
Britney Spears' greatest-hits album, due November 16 will have a cover of Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative"
Sizzler
Do you smell something? I think it may be a lawsuit ... or is that just burning flesh? Either way this sucks: http://www.ny1.com/ny/Boroughs/SubTopic/index.html?topicintid=3&subtopicintid=8&contentintid=42448
It's nice to hear that there is another idiot over the age of 25 (like myself) who rides a skateboard. I will learn from her mistake and try to keep my skin off anything metal that Con Edison may have connection to.
I love the girl this happened to. So matter of fact: "I have tattoos, and it's something that I wanted, and that's fine. "But you know, I didn't want Con Edison branded onto my back."
Hey Liz Wallenberg! I'm not a huge fan of lawsuits, but just so you know ... according to year-end 2003 stats, Eugene McGrath, Chairman, Pres, CEO of Consolidated Edison Inc. has his yearly pay listed as $ 2.66M* I think you may be owed something for being a permenant walking billboard and I think they may just have some cash available.
You're welcome.
*Dollar amounts are as of 31-Dec-03 and compensation values are for the last fiscal year ending on that date. "Pay" is salary, bonuses, etc. "Exercised" is the value of options exercised during the fiscal year
It's nice to hear that there is another idiot over the age of 25 (like myself) who rides a skateboard. I will learn from her mistake and try to keep my skin off anything metal that Con Edison may have connection to.
I love the girl this happened to. So matter of fact: "I have tattoos, and it's something that I wanted, and that's fine. "But you know, I didn't want Con Edison branded onto my back."
Hey Liz Wallenberg! I'm not a huge fan of lawsuits, but just so you know ... according to year-end 2003 stats, Eugene McGrath, Chairman, Pres, CEO of Consolidated Edison Inc. has his yearly pay listed as $ 2.66M* I think you may be owed something for being a permenant walking billboard and I think they may just have some cash available.
You're welcome.
*Dollar amounts are as of 31-Dec-03 and compensation values are for the last fiscal year ending on that date. "Pay" is salary, bonuses, etc. "Exercised" is the value of options exercised during the fiscal year
Friday, August 13, 2004
Crossing The Border
I found this old e-mail from back in July of 2000 (remember those good ol' days?). It is an e-mail I had sent around as a recap of a little trip to Canada where my friend and I had a run-in at the border. Those Canadians ... it's so love/hate with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
07/11/2000 04:03 PM
So, as some of you know, this past weekend I went on a little journey to visit our neighbors to the north -- Canada. Yes Canada!! The land where beer flows like water, Glass Tiger rocks the house and the use of kilometers and Celsius for measuring things is "normal".
Anyway, I went on this little journey with two friends from college, Todd and Tom (and a bunch of Tom's family/friends). This little story revolves around myself and Todd trying to get into the world's second largest country.
I'll try to make a long story somewhat short ... Todd and I have a red Chevy S-10 pickup truck freshly rented from Enterprise the day before. We pull up to the border crossing booth to get questioned. I am ready with my answers and various Canadian trivia I have learned over the years (Canadian Bacon is actually an American invention, ice hockey and lacrosse are the national sports, Canada has over 2 million lakes, etc.) We get the traditional questions (my trivia is once again proven to be useless) and seem safe enough. Only in the country for two days, no booze, no firearms, no anything. They guy in the booth hands me a yellow slip of paper and says, "Just take this and go in door number one."
So, I guess they are going to bust balls a bit. We pull into a parking spot, go up to the door and a women meets us, takes our yellow slip and heads for the truck. We have to sit in front of the truck on the curb as she searches the truck.
Todd and I conferenced and both felt pretty secure that we didn't have anything naughty with us, so we relaxed and waited to be sent on our way.
Todd then notices that the searching woman is on the radio talking to someone and she has a little baggy in her hand. "Shit!! What is that?"
I, knowing that Canadians can be sneaky began preparing a defense of them planting something on us.
A car pulls up, guy gets out looks at the baggy, and calls over to us, "Who owns the gray bag?" (Fuck) "That's mine," I respond. He calls me over and gives me the age old question, "What is this?" and shows me the bag.
In it is a golf ball size, blue crystal formation. Drugs? No. It was some rock candy from home which I had forgotten about in the half of a day I was in the car. If you don't know what rock candy is, it is just sugar, water and I guess food coloring boiled into a candy usually served on a stick or string. Apparently the guard wasn't believing my all too simple story.
The guy had me sit back down. He gets out the K9 drug sniffer and sets him to work. Nothing for the dog to find.
We then had to go inside. There we had to strip nude and grab our ankles. Actually I am lying. No strip searching much to my chagrin. We then had to sit and wait while they tested the candy and ran our licenses for criminal arrests and the like.
Finally we were free to go. About an hour and 45 minutes of sitting around while Canada hassled two upstanding young men like ourselves. Can you believe it!?! Soon we were on the road, free of our bonds and rockin' out to some good old Pantera, blazin' across the Canadian countryside. Luckily the rest of our trip rocked or Canada would have been on this kid's shit list for a long time to come. Instead of the shit list, the three Canadians I know have to listen to me bitch out their homeland via e-mail. Sorry, but at least now I feel some closure.
Anyway, I know this was a bit long, but I figured I would share. You three from Canada should give your government a talking to or you may find yourself with miles and Fahrenheit conversions to try to contend with before long.
Yours Truly,
Bill "Hugs are better than drugs (especially at the border)" R******
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
07/11/2000 04:03 PM
So, as some of you know, this past weekend I went on a little journey to visit our neighbors to the north -- Canada. Yes Canada!! The land where beer flows like water, Glass Tiger rocks the house and the use of kilometers and Celsius for measuring things is "normal".
Anyway, I went on this little journey with two friends from college, Todd and Tom (and a bunch of Tom's family/friends). This little story revolves around myself and Todd trying to get into the world's second largest country.
I'll try to make a long story somewhat short ... Todd and I have a red Chevy S-10 pickup truck freshly rented from Enterprise the day before. We pull up to the border crossing booth to get questioned. I am ready with my answers and various Canadian trivia I have learned over the years (Canadian Bacon is actually an American invention, ice hockey and lacrosse are the national sports, Canada has over 2 million lakes, etc.) We get the traditional questions (my trivia is once again proven to be useless) and seem safe enough. Only in the country for two days, no booze, no firearms, no anything. They guy in the booth hands me a yellow slip of paper and says, "Just take this and go in door number one."
So, I guess they are going to bust balls a bit. We pull into a parking spot, go up to the door and a women meets us, takes our yellow slip and heads for the truck. We have to sit in front of the truck on the curb as she searches the truck.
Todd and I conferenced and both felt pretty secure that we didn't have anything naughty with us, so we relaxed and waited to be sent on our way.
Todd then notices that the searching woman is on the radio talking to someone and she has a little baggy in her hand. "Shit!! What is that?"
I, knowing that Canadians can be sneaky began preparing a defense of them planting something on us.
A car pulls up, guy gets out looks at the baggy, and calls over to us, "Who owns the gray bag?" (Fuck) "That's mine," I respond. He calls me over and gives me the age old question, "What is this?" and shows me the bag.
In it is a golf ball size, blue crystal formation. Drugs? No. It was some rock candy from home which I had forgotten about in the half of a day I was in the car. If you don't know what rock candy is, it is just sugar, water and I guess food coloring boiled into a candy usually served on a stick or string. Apparently the guard wasn't believing my all too simple story.
The guy had me sit back down. He gets out the K9 drug sniffer and sets him to work. Nothing for the dog to find.
We then had to go inside. There we had to strip nude and grab our ankles. Actually I am lying. No strip searching much to my chagrin. We then had to sit and wait while they tested the candy and ran our licenses for criminal arrests and the like.
Finally we were free to go. About an hour and 45 minutes of sitting around while Canada hassled two upstanding young men like ourselves. Can you believe it!?! Soon we were on the road, free of our bonds and rockin' out to some good old Pantera, blazin' across the Canadian countryside. Luckily the rest of our trip rocked or Canada would have been on this kid's shit list for a long time to come. Instead of the shit list, the three Canadians I know have to listen to me bitch out their homeland via e-mail. Sorry, but at least now I feel some closure.
Anyway, I know this was a bit long, but I figured I would share. You three from Canada should give your government a talking to or you may find yourself with miles and Fahrenheit conversions to try to contend with before long.
Yours Truly,
Bill "Hugs are better than drugs (especially at the border)" R******
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Historical Hit
In (not so) exciting news -- I just recorded my one thousandth visitor to this very blog page. I'm sure most were accidental, but nevertheless ...
The prize for being lucky 1,000 goes to somebody under the domain name of wellsfargo.com out of the Central Time Zone at 09:53:03am, using Microsoft WinXP and Internet Internet Explorer 6.0 as their browser. They were referred to me by http://toole.blogspot.com
If you can prove it was you, I have a (yet to be determined) fabulous prize for you commemorating this great visit.
Thank you for your readership.
The prize for being lucky 1,000 goes to somebody under the domain name of wellsfargo.com out of the Central Time Zone at 09:53:03am, using Microsoft WinXP and Internet Internet Explorer 6.0 as their browser. They were referred to me by http://toole.blogspot.com
If you can prove it was you, I have a (yet to be determined) fabulous prize for you commemorating this great visit.
Thank you for your readership.
Olympians Gone Wild
Back when I was a swinging bachelor, I always thought it would be cool to go to the Olympics strictly for the post-event athlete partying. Don't get me wrong, I would still like to go, but now it would strictly as a vacationer/team U-S of A supporter. Back then, beyond the traditional spectator role, I thought it would be cool to hang out in bars waiting for the athletes who haven't been able to party properly for what could be years go nuts. I think one drink + zero body fat = pandemonium. Then, if all went well, some Olympic babe (preferably not a wrestler, weight lifter or hammer thrower), and I would start up some witty conversation and then she would molest me ... but even if that didn't happen, at least drinking with Olympic athletes would have been cool and entertaining I'm sure.
Anyway, according to an article I just read on ESPN.com, it turns out the Olympic athletes do like to get it on (although probably not with my non-medal wearin' ass):
ESPN.com
Condomania
The Olympics are all about numbers and stats.
Welcome to Athens, which is about to become the sex capital of the world.
In Athens, there will be ...
Countries: 199
Officials: 3,000
Athletes: 10,500
Condoms, courtesy of Durex: 130,000
Tubes of lubricant: 30,000
Durex doesn't blush about its contribution.
"As the official supplier of condoms and lubricants, we hope the donation will help athletes improve their achievements between the sheets," says one Durex mouthpiece.
If you ask the athletes and look at the history (previous Games have run short long before the Closing Ceremony), this supply probably won't be enough. In fact, we find the math just plain confusing. The reports from Sydney were that each athlete got 51 cloaks upon arrival at the village, which was far from enough. But maybe Durex expects Greece to be less, umm, exciting -- 130K works out to only 12 condoms per competitor.
(We think someone did some bad division in one newspaper article about Sydney, and that number just appeared everywhere, unchecked. At the start of the Games, there was talk of a supply of 50,000 condoms, which works out to about five per athlete.)
In any case ...
"There's a lot of sex going on," javelin thrower Breaux Greer told Men's Journal. "You get a lot of people who are in shape and, you know, testosterone's up and everybody's attracted to everybody."
Other fun nuggets, courtesy of Men's Journal, which conducted a survey of sorts: Swimmers do it longer; the French do it most often (but only with compatriots).
In Sydney, the Cubans ... well, they ran through their ration faster than any other nation.
"I don't know what they're doing with those things," said one official. "Maybe they're making water balloons. They're lovely, lovely people. They're very friendly."
For sure.
So, will the Athens supply last? Should you start an office pool on the re-supply date?
It might all come down to design.
The first major effort at condom giveaways was at the Barcelona Games in 1992, and it was a huge success. The shields were emblazoned with the colorful Olympic rings, apparently a mood enhancer (or a cool souvenir).
In 1996, Atlanta's organizers pushed five-packs, with one 'prophy' in each official Olympic color.
In 2000, the colors were gold, silver, and bronze.
Apparently, they all went fast. Which either means that style counts, or doesn't count at all.
Anyway, according to an article I just read on ESPN.com, it turns out the Olympic athletes do like to get it on (although probably not with my non-medal wearin' ass):
ESPN.com
Condomania
The Olympics are all about numbers and stats.
Welcome to Athens, which is about to become the sex capital of the world.
In Athens, there will be ...
Countries: 199
Officials: 3,000
Athletes: 10,500
Condoms, courtesy of Durex: 130,000
Tubes of lubricant: 30,000
Durex doesn't blush about its contribution.
"As the official supplier of condoms and lubricants, we hope the donation will help athletes improve their achievements between the sheets," says one Durex mouthpiece.
If you ask the athletes and look at the history (previous Games have run short long before the Closing Ceremony), this supply probably won't be enough. In fact, we find the math just plain confusing. The reports from Sydney were that each athlete got 51 cloaks upon arrival at the village, which was far from enough. But maybe Durex expects Greece to be less, umm, exciting -- 130K works out to only 12 condoms per competitor.
(We think someone did some bad division in one newspaper article about Sydney, and that number just appeared everywhere, unchecked. At the start of the Games, there was talk of a supply of 50,000 condoms, which works out to about five per athlete.)
In any case ...
"There's a lot of sex going on," javelin thrower Breaux Greer told Men's Journal. "You get a lot of people who are in shape and, you know, testosterone's up and everybody's attracted to everybody."
Other fun nuggets, courtesy of Men's Journal, which conducted a survey of sorts: Swimmers do it longer; the French do it most often (but only with compatriots).
In Sydney, the Cubans ... well, they ran through their ration faster than any other nation.
"I don't know what they're doing with those things," said one official. "Maybe they're making water balloons. They're lovely, lovely people. They're very friendly."
For sure.
So, will the Athens supply last? Should you start an office pool on the re-supply date?
It might all come down to design.
The first major effort at condom giveaways was at the Barcelona Games in 1992, and it was a huge success. The shields were emblazoned with the colorful Olympic rings, apparently a mood enhancer (or a cool souvenir).
In 1996, Atlanta's organizers pushed five-packs, with one 'prophy' in each official Olympic color.
In 2000, the colors were gold, silver, and bronze.
Apparently, they all went fast. Which either means that style counts, or doesn't count at all.
Shea Dismay
As a lifetime NY Yankee fan, by most people's reasoning I should not and can not like the NY Mets. Well, I have to say that since moving to New York City back in 1996 I have remained a Yankee fan, but going against the rules, I also root for the Mets. If it were Yankees vs. Mets, I would be Yankee fan all the way, but when the Yankees are not involved, I pull for the Mets and their time-tortured fans.
I can't believe the bad luck those Mets have. Only 2 games out of 1st around All-Star break time they are now 10 out. To add insult to injury they now have ... well, injuries and other bullshit that just flatten their hopes. Tom Glavine gets hurt in cab accident, Mike Piazza is out (not that he has been helping much anyway), Kaz Matsui is out, Vance Wilson is out, Shane Spencer is out because of boozing it up and then going for a drive. It seems impossible.
I don't know where I was going with all of this. I guess just that it is just a sad state of affairs out at Shea Stadium. It's annoying, and I am only a part-time fan. I don't know if I could stand it if it were a full-time gig. Get it together Mets! Where is the heart and grit? Be the comeback kids and stop all of this misery!
I can't believe the bad luck those Mets have. Only 2 games out of 1st around All-Star break time they are now 10 out. To add insult to injury they now have ... well, injuries and other bullshit that just flatten their hopes. Tom Glavine gets hurt in cab accident, Mike Piazza is out (not that he has been helping much anyway), Kaz Matsui is out, Vance Wilson is out, Shane Spencer is out because of boozing it up and then going for a drive. It seems impossible.
I don't know where I was going with all of this. I guess just that it is just a sad state of affairs out at Shea Stadium. It's annoying, and I am only a part-time fan. I don't know if I could stand it if it were a full-time gig. Get it together Mets! Where is the heart and grit? Be the comeback kids and stop all of this misery!
Monday, August 9, 2004
What's Your Favorite Color?
Friday night I went to see Living Colour at Bowery Ballroom. A couple people had asked me what I had planned for the weekend and when I told them that Living Colour was on the agenda and the reactions ranged from "They are still together?" to the ever-supportive "Why?"
Well, I'll have you know that they are still together, the singer had traded in his yellow, Body Glove wetsuit look (that seems to be the only thing non-fans can remember) for camo pants with T-shirt and probably most importantly they are still fucking good. I'm talking "somebody better vote them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame" good.
Every member of the band could stand on their own, and do with various side projects, yet they manage to ignore the egos that they could have to make for a good team effort. Singer Corey Glover, Drummer Will Calhoun, Guitarist Vernon Reid and Bassist Doug Wimbish all tear it up musically and make for a good night of entertainment. Vernon Reid is one of the only really talented guitar players who doesn't try to drown out the rest of the band to be the center of attention. He just plays.
Anyway, as opposed to going on and on with my praises I'll just recommend going to see them next time they play. I don't see any upcoming Living Colour shows except for the UK, but there are some opportunities to see some of the guys doing their non-Living Colour thing with other bands if you want to try that out. See http://livingcolour.blogspot.com for all of your LC options, including Vernon Reid appearing at the Williamsburg Music & Arts Festival. in Brooklyn.
Well, I'll have you know that they are still together, the singer had traded in his yellow, Body Glove wetsuit look (that seems to be the only thing non-fans can remember) for camo pants with T-shirt and probably most importantly they are still fucking good. I'm talking "somebody better vote them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame" good.
Every member of the band could stand on their own, and do with various side projects, yet they manage to ignore the egos that they could have to make for a good team effort. Singer Corey Glover, Drummer Will Calhoun, Guitarist Vernon Reid and Bassist Doug Wimbish all tear it up musically and make for a good night of entertainment. Vernon Reid is one of the only really talented guitar players who doesn't try to drown out the rest of the band to be the center of attention. He just plays.
Anyway, as opposed to going on and on with my praises I'll just recommend going to see them next time they play. I don't see any upcoming Living Colour shows except for the UK, but there are some opportunities to see some of the guys doing their non-Living Colour thing with other bands if you want to try that out. See http://livingcolour.blogspot.com for all of your LC options, including Vernon Reid appearing at the Williamsburg Music & Arts Festival. in Brooklyn.
Friday, August 6, 2004
Phil for VP
George W. should dump Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Tom Ridge or maybe even Dick Cheney and try the upcoming election from a slightly different angle. Get some new blood in that Cabinet and the war against terrorism would be over in no time. Get Philip Anselmo a suit to cover up those tattoos and the election and the glory is all yours.
You'd think after spending 10+ years screaming your fucking head off night after night you would run out of anger, but apparently not. I speak of Philip Anselmo (or Phil as I like to call him) of Pantera fame and now the singer of Superjoint Ritual. Did the screaming/cursing/thrashing/head-banging allow him to overcome the anger he feels about the September 11 attacks and the ongoing terrorism issues? Absolutely not. This motherfucker is mad (and not very PC):
Posting from BLABBERMOUTH.NET:
In a brand-new pre-Ozzfest interview with Metal Edge magazine, SUPERJOINT RITUAL frontman Philip Anselmo was asked if much of the band's last album, "A Lethal Dose of American Hatred", was a response to the events of September 11, 2001. "Parts of it, for sure," Anselmo replied. "I think we got to do what we got to do, and unless you are making these particular decisions… I mean, yeah, we are a country, we are people who are allowed an opinion. 9/11 was a horrific thing, definitely the lowest point in American history, as far as us taking one on the chops. I cannot help but be sympathetic to families who lost people in that tragedy, on the planes and in the buildings. To every person who is anti-war, I have to point out the importance of us definitely showing a very, very strong front, not looking vulnerable, and also redeeming some of… I mean, Christ, look, we still have the death penalty. That's all I have to say. In a perfect society, none of that would have happened. There would be no 9/11, no executions, Christ, there would be no jails. But I'm just saying, if you fuck with the U.S., no matter what we do, you're going to have to pay at one point or another."
Asked if he happened to see the footage of Nick Berg, an American contractor in Iraq that was executed, Anselmo said, "Oh yeah, that was miserable, man. I mean, they try and whatever, the interrogation pictures are humiliating and whatever, but me? If you want to know where Osama Bin Laden is, or where Saddam Hussein is, or where any of those crazy motherfuckers are, do what you must to get an answer. I know for a fucking fact that every other country, for the most part — especially in the Third World and the Middle Eastern countries — shows a lack of regard when it comes to human life and the value of it. I mean, I'm not saying' Let's lower our standards to their level,' you know?! But we need to restore some order with authority, and if it is war that we have to endure, then so be it, if it's the only language they understand. Because they obviously are not privy to just stopping at our request, 'Knock this shit off, you motherfuckers!' You know, they have been warring since the beginning of time. Don't drag us into your shit. Maybe there's a question of us putting ourselves in there, but if you harbor these terrorists, and you damn well know about it, then you pay the fucking price as well. It's time to make a parking lot — put a flag in the ground and call it the United States of the Middle East. I mean, definitely… Fuck them! I mean, if you know the facts about the al Qaeda, they come across like a bunch of paranoid homosexual fucking Arabs, whatever the hell they are. The way they treat women and their entire attitude towards the subject is homo, man. They fucking just seem gay. I mean, obviously people are great or shallow in one way or the other, it's men and women — but they are not doing themselves any favors by fucking humiliating every woman in sight. That's Hitler-type shit. That's dictator, fucking hatred right there. None of that floats. Nobody puts up with that shit. You're begging to get your ass blown away."
You'd think after spending 10+ years screaming your fucking head off night after night you would run out of anger, but apparently not. I speak of Philip Anselmo (or Phil as I like to call him) of Pantera fame and now the singer of Superjoint Ritual. Did the screaming/cursing/thrashing/head-banging allow him to overcome the anger he feels about the September 11 attacks and the ongoing terrorism issues? Absolutely not. This motherfucker is mad (and not very PC):
Posting from BLABBERMOUTH.NET:
In a brand-new pre-Ozzfest interview with Metal Edge magazine, SUPERJOINT RITUAL frontman Philip Anselmo was asked if much of the band's last album, "A Lethal Dose of American Hatred", was a response to the events of September 11, 2001. "Parts of it, for sure," Anselmo replied. "I think we got to do what we got to do, and unless you are making these particular decisions… I mean, yeah, we are a country, we are people who are allowed an opinion. 9/11 was a horrific thing, definitely the lowest point in American history, as far as us taking one on the chops. I cannot help but be sympathetic to families who lost people in that tragedy, on the planes and in the buildings. To every person who is anti-war, I have to point out the importance of us definitely showing a very, very strong front, not looking vulnerable, and also redeeming some of… I mean, Christ, look, we still have the death penalty. That's all I have to say. In a perfect society, none of that would have happened. There would be no 9/11, no executions, Christ, there would be no jails. But I'm just saying, if you fuck with the U.S., no matter what we do, you're going to have to pay at one point or another."
Asked if he happened to see the footage of Nick Berg, an American contractor in Iraq that was executed, Anselmo said, "Oh yeah, that was miserable, man. I mean, they try and whatever, the interrogation pictures are humiliating and whatever, but me? If you want to know where Osama Bin Laden is, or where Saddam Hussein is, or where any of those crazy motherfuckers are, do what you must to get an answer. I know for a fucking fact that every other country, for the most part — especially in the Third World and the Middle Eastern countries — shows a lack of regard when it comes to human life and the value of it. I mean, I'm not saying' Let's lower our standards to their level,' you know?! But we need to restore some order with authority, and if it is war that we have to endure, then so be it, if it's the only language they understand. Because they obviously are not privy to just stopping at our request, 'Knock this shit off, you motherfuckers!' You know, they have been warring since the beginning of time. Don't drag us into your shit. Maybe there's a question of us putting ourselves in there, but if you harbor these terrorists, and you damn well know about it, then you pay the fucking price as well. It's time to make a parking lot — put a flag in the ground and call it the United States of the Middle East. I mean, definitely… Fuck them! I mean, if you know the facts about the al Qaeda, they come across like a bunch of paranoid homosexual fucking Arabs, whatever the hell they are. The way they treat women and their entire attitude towards the subject is homo, man. They fucking just seem gay. I mean, obviously people are great or shallow in one way or the other, it's men and women — but they are not doing themselves any favors by fucking humiliating every woman in sight. That's Hitler-type shit. That's dictator, fucking hatred right there. None of that floats. Nobody puts up with that shit. You're begging to get your ass blown away."
Metaling Kids
Sometimes, at concerts -- especially an all day rock-a-thon -- the crowd can be a better source of entertainment then the bands are. Concerts bring out strange characters who live for crowded events and then you have the regular types who bust out their craziness once the guitars start wailing. I was reading a review of Ozzfest that was in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on July 29, 2004 and despite not actually having been there, I think this little description of the crowd probably sums up the day like nothing else can:
In one of the more bizarre scenes from a day full of bizarre scenes, a man in a wheelchair actually surfed the roiling mosh pit as Slipknot launched into the buzz-saw tune "Heretic Anthem."
"I thought I'd seen it all but that's some serious (bleep) right there," said Slipknot screamer Corey Taylor.
Wheelchair at an all-day metal show? A wheelchair actually in the mosh pit? I would have loved to have seen that. Sun glimmering off the wheelchair spokes as it, and its metal loving passenger bounces around suspended on the arms and heads of metal fans typically known for their punching, pushing, kicking and other such music driven violence. That is a classic concert moment that if seen can really cause you to do nothing except point, stare and think, "That guy is fucking nuts. Who the hell thought of that and who had the ability to block out any judgment of safety issues as they were boosting him up overhead. Fucking awesome!"
Good for you wheelchair guy. Fuck feeling sorry for yourself and fuck boring-ass wheelchair accessible seating.
Keep on rockin' in the (not so) free world.
In one of the more bizarre scenes from a day full of bizarre scenes, a man in a wheelchair actually surfed the roiling mosh pit as Slipknot launched into the buzz-saw tune "Heretic Anthem."
"I thought I'd seen it all but that's some serious (bleep) right there," said Slipknot screamer Corey Taylor.
Wheelchair at an all-day metal show? A wheelchair actually in the mosh pit? I would have loved to have seen that. Sun glimmering off the wheelchair spokes as it, and its metal loving passenger bounces around suspended on the arms and heads of metal fans typically known for their punching, pushing, kicking and other such music driven violence. That is a classic concert moment that if seen can really cause you to do nothing except point, stare and think, "That guy is fucking nuts. Who the hell thought of that and who had the ability to block out any judgment of safety issues as they were boosting him up overhead. Fucking awesome!"
Good for you wheelchair guy. Fuck feeling sorry for yourself and fuck boring-ass wheelchair accessible seating.
Keep on rockin' in the (not so) free world.
Added SeTURDity
With all of this added security going on in New York, my apartment complex has also added some measures to prevent those pesky terrorists from blowing us all up.
There are several small, one-way roadways (referred to as "Loops") that go from a main street that surrounds the complex, and in semi-circle layout, exit back onto the same surrounding street about two blocks from where you started.
The added security entails a couple of flimsy metal barricades (the type used to control crowds at parades and in Times Square on New Year's Eve), and usually two guys stationed at the entrance to these loops. When a car pulls up, they check to see if the person actually lives in the complex before letting them in. I appreciate the effort and I suppose it gives people a little bit more of a secure feeling when they are coming home and they see that terrorists plots are being hindered, but there is one issue I have to laugh at. The other end of the loop -- the exit side -- is unattended. Does security think that a van of terrorists who are prepared to blow themselves up for some looney cause are going to give a shit about following the posted street signs?
Terrorist 1: "Ooooh, there is a roadway, pull in front of that apartment building."
Terrorist 2: "I can't pull in there. There are 'One Way' and 'Do Not Enter' signs. We're going to have to go down two blocks to the entrance."
Terrorist 1: "Shit. There are barricades and security guards at the entrance."
Terrorist 2: "I don't want any trouble. Let's go get a sandwich from that deli and eat it down in the park."
Even if they do want to follow the rules of the road, I have the feeling they have full capability to shoot or run over the security guards and then ram through the barricades. Then it is van exploding fun for all.
I feel safe.
There are several small, one-way roadways (referred to as "Loops") that go from a main street that surrounds the complex, and in semi-circle layout, exit back onto the same surrounding street about two blocks from where you started.
The added security entails a couple of flimsy metal barricades (the type used to control crowds at parades and in Times Square on New Year's Eve), and usually two guys stationed at the entrance to these loops. When a car pulls up, they check to see if the person actually lives in the complex before letting them in. I appreciate the effort and I suppose it gives people a little bit more of a secure feeling when they are coming home and they see that terrorists plots are being hindered, but there is one issue I have to laugh at. The other end of the loop -- the exit side -- is unattended. Does security think that a van of terrorists who are prepared to blow themselves up for some looney cause are going to give a shit about following the posted street signs?
Terrorist 1: "Ooooh, there is a roadway, pull in front of that apartment building."
Terrorist 2: "I can't pull in there. There are 'One Way' and 'Do Not Enter' signs. We're going to have to go down two blocks to the entrance."
Terrorist 1: "Shit. There are barricades and security guards at the entrance."
Terrorist 2: "I don't want any trouble. Let's go get a sandwich from that deli and eat it down in the park."
Even if they do want to follow the rules of the road, I have the feeling they have full capability to shoot or run over the security guards and then ram through the barricades. Then it is van exploding fun for all.
I feel safe.
Tuesday, August 3, 2004
Pleased To Meat You
Many posts ago I included a link to a story about Cris Kirkwood of Meat Puppets fame. It appears that he is still quite a mess. There is no mention of heroin in this story, but I'm sure this bout of trouble didn't all go down in a fury of sobriety:
From 1010 WINS:
Aug 3, 3:56 PM EDT
Meat Puppets Bassist Gets 21 Months
MESA, Ariz. (AP) -- Cris Kirkwood, former bass player for the Meat Puppets rock band, has been sentenced to 21 months in prison for attacking a security guard with a baton outside a post office.
Kirkwood, 43, pleaded guilty May 10 to a charge of assault with a dangerous weapon.
He was shot during the Dec. 26 incident at the post office in downtown Phoenix and authorities said he was on probation at the time for a 2000 drug offense.
According to the criminal complaint filed in U.S. District Court, Kirkwood was arguing with a woman about a parking space outside the post office when she approached security guard Thomas Goodrum.
Kirkwood yelled profanities at Goodrum, then shoved the security guard.
In the ensuing scuffle, Kirkwood managed to get Goodrum's collapsible baton away from him and hit him on the head, knocking off the guard's eyeglasses. Goodrum then pulled his handgun and fired a shot into Kirkwood's back, the complaint states.
Kirkwood and his brother, Curt, fronted the Meat Puppets, a Phoenix-area band that had several hit records in the 1980s and '90s. They were cited as an influence for bands such as Nirvana and earned a gold record in 1994 for "Too High to Die."
Move One To The Negative List
So much for the 5th bullet point on my list of positive reasons for a move to J.C. It seems as though the terrorists DO have their eye on Jersey. Right now it is just Newark, but you know they will eventually figure out that J.C. is the place to be.
I have one suggestion for you terrorists ... try targeting some shit other than the East Coast. I'd rather you not target any of the U.S. or anywhere else for that matter, but you could at least give the Northeast a fucking break?
I have one suggestion for you terrorists ... try targeting some shit other than the East Coast. I'd rather you not target any of the U.S. or anywhere else for that matter, but you could at least give the Northeast a fucking break?
Friday, July 30, 2004
DNC vs. MXC
Last night while smart, educated, concerned citizens such as Dave and Mike keep updated on America's future by watching and critiquing the speakers at the Democratic National Convention (aka DNC), dipshits like me spent Thursday evening watching back-to-back-to-back episodes of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (aka MXC) on Spike TV. That show is some funny shit. Much funnier then thumbs up from candidates and idiots in the crowd holding up signs.
Having not watched the DNC (and I'm quite sure not the RNC either), I may not know what the hell to expect after the November election. I do know this: no matter who wins, and no matter how violent and confusing the world may be, and no matter how many promises aren't kept; as long as MXC is around at least I will have something to laugh at -- Japanese game show contestants hurting themselves.
Having not watched the DNC (and I'm quite sure not the RNC either), I may not know what the hell to expect after the November election. I do know this: no matter who wins, and no matter how violent and confusing the world may be, and no matter how many promises aren't kept; as long as MXC is around at least I will have something to laugh at -- Japanese game show contestants hurting themselves.
Glutton For Punishment
This is pretty awesome: http://www.dennysbeerbarrelpub.com/6lbburger.htm
Conveniently located near Punxsutawney, PA, where Phil the groundhog lives. I am totally down with a roadtrip! If you have a car ... I have an E-ZPass.
Conveniently located near Punxsutawney, PA, where Phil the groundhog lives. I am totally down with a roadtrip! If you have a car ... I have an E-ZPass.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Something Stinks
Well, the nose knows. That unpleasant news I thought I was smelling, did indeed exist. My office is moving from New York, NY (Manhattan) to Jersey City, NJ. Banished from the Manhattan kingdom! This should all go down in late November or early December. We are told that it is because our current building sucks (power issues, temperature control issues, fires, etc.) as well as financial reasons. This move sucks it. Here's why:
- my commute is longer
- there are fewer (and crappier) choices for food
- more irritating tax figuring
- I no longer have the view from the 32nd floor
- I can not have my lunch in Central Park
- I'll be further from my dentist and doctor so appointments before lunch or right after work are going to be impossible
- the office we are moving to is a dump and depressing as hell (supposedly it will be fixed up, but I will believe that when I see it
on the positive side:
- the Quick Cards for the PATH train are cool the way they zip through the turnstiles
- it's fun to call Jersey City "J.C."
- no longer have to deal with the tourists in Times Square
- the view of the Manhattan skyline is nice
- less threat of terrorist attack (I don't think J.C. is on their hit list)
- only have 8 floors to walk down instead of 32 in the event of a blackout/fire/whatever
Well, when it is on paper (or the computer) I guess it really doesn't look so bad, but believe me, it is pretty crappy.
Someone please save me ...
Gather The Troops
We are having a "Bureau Meeting" at work today. I think I smell some unpleasant news of some sort wafting in my direction.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Bringin' The Luck II
My theory on being a good luck charm at sporting events has become a bit less theory and a bit more proven. Last night I went to see the Newark Bears beat up on the Long Island Ducks in fabulous Newark, NJ. Final score 12-7. This makes my 2004 attended games record: home team four wins and one loss with an overall combined score: home team 37 visiting team 26.
So, my offer stands that my good luck aura is available to those who need it. Bring me to a game of your choice and your team may very well triumph. Baseball, the Olympics, football, soccer, curling, whatever. I'm all yours for the cost of a ticket, transportation to the game and some snacks/beer. A bargain!
Monday, July 26, 2004
Last Round
Last Wednesday I went to The Village Idiot for a little "good bye" drink or three with some of the very people I used to waste brain cells there with back in the day. There are still a few days left to visit The Idiot one last time, but we were concerned that our schedules would not permit such a journey, so we went at it a week early. Not to reiterate what I have already said, but that place really is great. Maybe not as great as it once was, but still a hell of a lot better then most. $2 PBRs really get the ball rolling, as do the tunes in the jukebox. You have no choice but to get drunk as all hell, and when you do nobody there will look down on you or take offense because they are all in the same stinky (and I mean stinky) boat.
Only six days left until 14th Street at 9th Avenue changes forever.
Only six days left until 14th Street at 9th Avenue changes forever.
Omni Or Not Omni
I like how taxi cabs from New Jersey have "OMNIBUS" on the license plate. So old school ... not to mention "omnibus" sounds more classy and way cooler than just plain ol' "taxi"
Bad Call
People (mostly Americans) who aren't fans of soccer (or futbol as some like to call it) often say that they don't like it because it isn't exciting enough for them. Well, perhaps that opinion would change if more soccer matches produced this sort of twisted excitement:
From ESPN.com:
Overruled: South African Ref Shoots Coach Dead
Coach had questioned ref's ruling
Reuters
JOHANNESBURG -- A South African soccer referee pulled a gun and shot dead a coach who questioned one of his rulings, police said on Sunday.
Inspector Mali Govender of the Grahamstown police in the Eastern Cape province said a fight broke out after the referee gave a yellow warning card to a player in a local match on Saturday. "There was an altercation ... and the referee became threatened when the other team approached him because they were angry," Govender said. "So he pulled out a gun and killed the coach of the visiting team."
Govender said the coach died on the field while the referee fled the scene. Police were confident of making an arrest soon, she added.
South Africa has one of the world's highest murder rates with an alarming 47.4 murders per 100,000 people, or eight times the figure for the United States.
From ESPN.com:
Overruled: South African Ref Shoots Coach Dead
Coach had questioned ref's ruling
Reuters
JOHANNESBURG -- A South African soccer referee pulled a gun and shot dead a coach who questioned one of his rulings, police said on Sunday.
Inspector Mali Govender of the Grahamstown police in the Eastern Cape province said a fight broke out after the referee gave a yellow warning card to a player in a local match on Saturday. "There was an altercation ... and the referee became threatened when the other team approached him because they were angry," Govender said. "So he pulled out a gun and killed the coach of the visiting team."
Govender said the coach died on the field while the referee fled the scene. Police were confident of making an arrest soon, she added.
South Africa has one of the world's highest murder rates with an alarming 47.4 murders per 100,000 people, or eight times the figure for the United States.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
BK Anger In CT
I don't know how many times I have said ...
- don't wait until the last minute to head for the bathroom. You never know when there might be a line or delay.
- Connecticut is the worst state in the Union
- straw dispensers make for a weapon you don't want to mess with
This story just proves me right:
From 1010 WINS:
Police Charge Two CT Men With 'Potty Rage'
Jul 20, 2004 3:45 pm US/Eastern(1010 WINS) (Stratford, CT) Police have charged two men in a confrontation that could be described as potty rage. The situation developed Friday night when a 52-year-old Stratford man took too much time in a bathroom at Burger King, police said.
Andres A. Diaz, who was in the john, and Joseph Manuel Augusto, 37, who was waiting to use it, got into an argument when Diaz emerged, police said.
Heated words escalated into a physical fight.
The two men allegedly bumped chests, then chased each other around the restaurant with their weapons. Augusto had a small razor pocket knife and Diaz brandished a Burger King straw dispenser, police said.
No one was injured.
Both men were arrested and charged with breach of peace and issued a summons to appear in court on July 27.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Strolling Bowling
I went bowling last night for the first time in a long time.
I think it is safe to say that I kicked some major ass (at least with the competition at hand). I wound up with a score of 187 -- a new personal record! Back in my high school days when I would bowl on a semi-regular basis I still only managed a high score of 181. Last night I had 5 strikes in a row. Frames 4 through 8 ... all strikes. If only I could have gotten my shit together in frames 1 through 3 and 9 and 10+2, I would have been walking around with a "Perfect 300 Game" jacket or ring on. So close, yet so far.
Damn you elusive 300! Damn you!!
I think it is safe to say that I kicked some major ass (at least with the competition at hand). I wound up with a score of 187 -- a new personal record! Back in my high school days when I would bowl on a semi-regular basis I still only managed a high score of 181. Last night I had 5 strikes in a row. Frames 4 through 8 ... all strikes. If only I could have gotten my shit together in frames 1 through 3 and 9 and 10+2, I would have been walking around with a "Perfect 300 Game" jacket or ring on. So close, yet so far.
Damn you elusive 300! Damn you!!
Monday, July 19, 2004
Trampopoline!!
On Saturday, I spent a good chunk of the day on a trampoline. I don't know if there is anything more fun (until you wake up the next morning and feel crippled from all of the spinal abuse). I wish I had a trampoline when I was growing up because it certainly would have been my ticket to the Olympics or at least the circus. Way to go Mom and Dad. You blew it.
As if the fun of bouncing around like you are on the moon isn't enough, there is also the Simpsons episode running through my trampoline-abused brain where Homer gets a trampoline for the backyard out of the "free" section of the newspaper and chaos ensues.
Marge: Why do you read that free column Homer? They never have anything good.
But as she finishes, Homer gasps at an ad he has just spied: "FREE TRAMPOLINE, 534 Center St. (listen)
Homer: Oh my God!
Lisa: What is it?
Homer: Tramapoline! Trampopoline! [runs out]
Bart: He said what now?
Marge: Please, don't bring home any more old crutches!
Thank you trampoline for the jarring fun.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Diner Comedy
The best joke I've ever seen on a sign outside a diner? The winner of that coveted prize is certainly the one I saw Saturday on the sign outside Thee Diner in Cicero, NY :
(front of sign) WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
(back of sign) ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF
(front of sign) WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
(back of sign) ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Where'd You Come From?
I have made the recent discovery that I have one white (or gray if you'd prefer) hair in my goatee. I already have some on my head, which I am cool with, but on my face? I feel a bit too young for this to be happening. I blame work.
Don't Leave Us, Idiot
Way back in 1996 when I first moved to New York City I had a job. A job that paid not nearly enough. Due to the limited funds left over after the majority of my small paycheck would go to rent and other expenses, I (and the rest of my co-workers) would find cheap beer to be not only enjoyable, but pretty much a necessity.
One night at a (not overly economical or entertaining) bar near work my friend Gary comes up to me and tells me that he and another guy are heading to a bar downtown that is cheaper and less annoying if I wanted in. I agreed making this night my introduction to the world of the Village Idiot. Gary wasn't lying. The Village Idiot WAS cheaper and less annoying.
This night, and many thereafter were filled with $1.75 PBRs, Johnny Cash, scantily clad bartenders, stinky bathrooms, awful dancing, nonsensical conversations, darts, Jack Daniels, some fights and the hangovers that go along with all that. I even spent a night there that had me playing pool against Vince Vaughn.
Well, even though I haven't been in quite awhile I am still sad to have learned that The Idiot will be closing it's doors 16 days from now (July 31, 2004). The Village Idiot made for some good times and some blury memories and may very well have been the thing that kept me alive (while at the same time almost killing me) in my early years living in NYC. I will miss you Village Idiot.
From the NY Post:
RENT HIKE DOOMS BAR
SKYROCKETING rents in the oppressively trendy Meatpacking District have claimed another victim. The Village Idiot is closing at the end of the month because owner Tom McNeil couldn't afford the big bucks his landlord demanded. The divey honky-tonk bar on West 14th Street was a neighborhood fixture for a decade, as well as a location shoot for TV's "Law & Order" and the movies "Copland" and "Rounders." McNeil, who also founded faux-redneck joints Hogs and Heifers and Doc Hollidays, is sickened by the changes in his once gritty neighborhood. "I think it's going to yuppie hell," he told us. "If I was gonna start charging $7.50 for a shot of Wild Turkey, I could stay open, but I refuse to do that. This is a bar for regular people. I'm not interested in the fashion crowd -- they can go to the Stella McCartney store down the street." McNeil, who still owns Yogi's on the Upper West Side and the Patriot in TriBeCa, is hoping to resurrect the Idiot somewhere downtown.
I repeat -- I will miss you Village Idiot.
One night at a (not overly economical or entertaining) bar near work my friend Gary comes up to me and tells me that he and another guy are heading to a bar downtown that is cheaper and less annoying if I wanted in. I agreed making this night my introduction to the world of the Village Idiot. Gary wasn't lying. The Village Idiot WAS cheaper and less annoying.
This night, and many thereafter were filled with $1.75 PBRs, Johnny Cash, scantily clad bartenders, stinky bathrooms, awful dancing, nonsensical conversations, darts, Jack Daniels, some fights and the hangovers that go along with all that. I even spent a night there that had me playing pool against Vince Vaughn.
Well, even though I haven't been in quite awhile I am still sad to have learned that The Idiot will be closing it's doors 16 days from now (July 31, 2004). The Village Idiot made for some good times and some blury memories and may very well have been the thing that kept me alive (while at the same time almost killing me) in my early years living in NYC. I will miss you Village Idiot.
From the NY Post:
RENT HIKE DOOMS BAR
SKYROCKETING rents in the oppressively trendy Meatpacking District have claimed another victim. The Village Idiot is closing at the end of the month because owner Tom McNeil couldn't afford the big bucks his landlord demanded. The divey honky-tonk bar on West 14th Street was a neighborhood fixture for a decade, as well as a location shoot for TV's "Law & Order" and the movies "Copland" and "Rounders." McNeil, who also founded faux-redneck joints Hogs and Heifers and Doc Hollidays, is sickened by the changes in his once gritty neighborhood. "I think it's going to yuppie hell," he told us. "If I was gonna start charging $7.50 for a shot of Wild Turkey, I could stay open, but I refuse to do that. This is a bar for regular people. I'm not interested in the fashion crowd -- they can go to the Stella McCartney store down the street." McNeil, who still owns Yogi's on the Upper West Side and the Patriot in TriBeCa, is hoping to resurrect the Idiot somewhere downtown.
I repeat -- I will miss you Village Idiot.
Words Of Fashion Wisdom
Ladies and Gents (especially overly wealthy ladies and gents): Just because something costs a lot does not mean it necessarily looks good.
Some pricey clothes look stupid to begin with. Don't go to the store and say to yourself, "This is expensive. It must be the latest fashion and I'm going to look hot." Even clothes that are expensive and look nice probably look stupid on you because (1) your body is not designed for that particular piece of clothing OR (2) your body is designed for that particular piece of clothing, but only because of the work your doctor has done designing/redesigning your body. Either way your snobby arrogance is all for naught. Everyone is just going to talk shit behind your back anyway.
Some pricey clothes look stupid to begin with. Don't go to the store and say to yourself, "This is expensive. It must be the latest fashion and I'm going to look hot." Even clothes that are expensive and look nice probably look stupid on you because (1) your body is not designed for that particular piece of clothing OR (2) your body is designed for that particular piece of clothing, but only because of the work your doctor has done designing/redesigning your body. Either way your snobby arrogance is all for naught. Everyone is just going to talk shit behind your back anyway.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Upper Deck Abuse
It has been raining all day today. Shitty drizzle with no relief in sight.
I leave work today and there is a double decker tour bus unloading and loading tourists.
Hey tourists! Why the FUCK would you be getting on a double decker tour bus on a day like this? If you are going to ride the bottom level you may as well save yourself $35 and just ride on a normal city bus and if you are going to ride on the upper deck ... well, you must be a complete jackass. There were people on the upper deck with umbrellas up and cheap-ass ponchos on. Poncho or not, there is no way in hell you are having a good time sightseeing like that. No doubt, your family will remember this day the rest of their lives. "Remember that time we went to NYC back in 2004? It was raining all damn day, but dad still thought it would be a 'good way to see the city AND with smaller crowds' if we went on a double decker tour bus. That shit sucked. I was sick for like a week after that."
I can definitely admit to being a dumb tourist at times, but I can assure you that you would not, and will not find me sitting in a vehicle with no roof when it is raining and has been raining the entire day.
One other time I saw some tourists being abused on a double decker tour bus. This time the abuse was not weather related. This past winter, on one of those first warm weather days that sort of falsely hint at spring I see some kids on 1st Avenue and 15th Street making snowballs as fast as they could from a small snowbank that wasn't going to last through the sunny day. I know something was up. One of them says, "Hurry up it's coming." I turn and see it coming. A double decker tour bus, packed with tourists who were psyched at their good weather fortune. The bus rolls on by and those kids unload their arsenal. It was awesome! Tourists yelping and ducking. Local kids laughing. Me wishing I had joined them in the attack. I can only imagine how story was retold back in Germany, Calgary, South Carolina and Plattsburgh.
Thank you double decker busses for the stories and thank you tourists visiting even when the weather is shitty. Funny busses + funny people = funny memories + revenue our city needs.
I leave work today and there is a double decker tour bus unloading and loading tourists.
Hey tourists! Why the FUCK would you be getting on a double decker tour bus on a day like this? If you are going to ride the bottom level you may as well save yourself $35 and just ride on a normal city bus and if you are going to ride on the upper deck ... well, you must be a complete jackass. There were people on the upper deck with umbrellas up and cheap-ass ponchos on. Poncho or not, there is no way in hell you are having a good time sightseeing like that. No doubt, your family will remember this day the rest of their lives. "Remember that time we went to NYC back in 2004? It was raining all damn day, but dad still thought it would be a 'good way to see the city AND with smaller crowds' if we went on a double decker tour bus. That shit sucked. I was sick for like a week after that."
I can definitely admit to being a dumb tourist at times, but I can assure you that you would not, and will not find me sitting in a vehicle with no roof when it is raining and has been raining the entire day.
One other time I saw some tourists being abused on a double decker tour bus. This time the abuse was not weather related. This past winter, on one of those first warm weather days that sort of falsely hint at spring I see some kids on 1st Avenue and 15th Street making snowballs as fast as they could from a small snowbank that wasn't going to last through the sunny day. I know something was up. One of them says, "Hurry up it's coming." I turn and see it coming. A double decker tour bus, packed with tourists who were psyched at their good weather fortune. The bus rolls on by and those kids unload their arsenal. It was awesome! Tourists yelping and ducking. Local kids laughing. Me wishing I had joined them in the attack. I can only imagine how story was retold back in Germany, Calgary, South Carolina and Plattsburgh.
Thank you double decker busses for the stories and thank you tourists visiting even when the weather is shitty. Funny busses + funny people = funny memories + revenue our city needs.
That's Flashy
I love all things reflective. Sneakers with reflective sections, reflective-painted road stripes, reflective paint on police cars, road signs, safety vests, dog collars, regular old bike reflectors.
Why? I really couldn't say. I just find it cool as hell. The other day I was riding in a car and someone was a couple of blocks in front of us on a bike. I saw the reflectors on the pedals -- left up/right down, right up/left down -- way before I could see the bike or the person. I reminds me of summertime back when me and my posse of bike riding friends would be racing home for dinner with sunset hot on our heels. Occasionally someone will be walking in front of me and I will be at just the right angle to catch the glare from reflective stripes on the back of their shoes.
I love that shit. It is almost hypnotizing.
I sometimes think of working for 3M, just so I could learn the ways of reflective materials manufacturing. Who invents it? How is it made? How is it tested?
I especially enjoy stuff like illumiNITE or Safe Reflections which looks pretty normal during daylight hours, but becomes reflective once the light fades away.
Call me Mr. Safety if you wish, but it isn't really the safety issue that caused this obsession. It is more of the genius and intrigue behind that glowing flash of reflected light that sucks me in.
Why? I really couldn't say. I just find it cool as hell. The other day I was riding in a car and someone was a couple of blocks in front of us on a bike. I saw the reflectors on the pedals -- left up/right down, right up/left down -- way before I could see the bike or the person. I reminds me of summertime back when me and my posse of bike riding friends would be racing home for dinner with sunset hot on our heels. Occasionally someone will be walking in front of me and I will be at just the right angle to catch the glare from reflective stripes on the back of their shoes.
I love that shit. It is almost hypnotizing.
I sometimes think of working for 3M, just so I could learn the ways of reflective materials manufacturing. Who invents it? How is it made? How is it tested?
I especially enjoy stuff like illumiNITE or Safe Reflections which looks pretty normal during daylight hours, but becomes reflective once the light fades away.
Call me Mr. Safety if you wish, but it isn't really the safety issue that caused this obsession. It is more of the genius and intrigue behind that glowing flash of reflected light that sucks me in.
Friday, July 9, 2004
Feast For The Eyes
Here's some advice: Be as productive as you can during the month of July. Why? Because once August hits, you are going to be doing nothing except sitting on your ass staring at your television. Reason? There are three:
August 3, 2004 - Knight Rider: Season One | 4 discs
August 17, 2004 - Alf: Season One | 4 discs
August 24, 2004 - Munsters: The Complete Full Season | 3 discs
August 3, 2004 - Knight Rider: Season One | 4 discs
August 17, 2004 - Alf: Season One | 4 discs
August 24, 2004 - Munsters: The Complete Full Season | 3 discs
Thursday, July 8, 2004
You're Not Evel ... But You Are Crazy
Looking for something EXTREME to do on July 31st? Well, I can't help you there, but if you are looking to WATCH something EXTREME you are in luck. Check out this EXTREMELY stupid event that I am inevitably going to attend:
Robbie Knievel To Jump Aircraft In NY Harbor
Jul 8, 2004 7:12 am US/Eastern
(1010 WINS) (NEW YORK) Robbie Knievel will hype a movie about his daredevil father, Evel Knievel, by attempting the first jump over an array of military aircraft on the deck of the USS Intrepid in New York Harbor.
His jump will air live July 31 during the second night of the "Evel Knievel" movie premiere weekend on TNT, the cable channel.
The former World War II aircraft carrier, is now the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum. The movie stars George Eads, of "C.S.I.," as Evel Knievel.
Knievel became famous in the 1970s for riding his motorcycle over everything from vehicles to alligators while wearing a red, white and blue jumpsuit. The 65-year-old stuntman retired from jumping more than 20 years ago.
Robbie Knievel To Jump Aircraft In NY Harbor
Jul 8, 2004 7:12 am US/Eastern
(1010 WINS) (NEW YORK) Robbie Knievel will hype a movie about his daredevil father, Evel Knievel, by attempting the first jump over an array of military aircraft on the deck of the USS Intrepid in New York Harbor.
His jump will air live July 31 during the second night of the "Evel Knievel" movie premiere weekend on TNT, the cable channel.
The former World War II aircraft carrier, is now the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum. The movie stars George Eads, of "C.S.I.," as Evel Knievel.
Knievel became famous in the 1970s for riding his motorcycle over everything from vehicles to alligators while wearing a red, white and blue jumpsuit. The 65-year-old stuntman retired from jumping more than 20 years ago.
Wednesday, July 7, 2004
Wrinkly
The Tick: You know, I've heard that the smarter you are the more wrinkly your brain. Your guys brains must be the wrinkliest! Oh sure, ordinary Joes like me and Arthur here, maybe our brains are a little on the smooth side. But you don't have to be a genius to know that evil is bad and good ... isn't!
Bringin' The Luck
I played hooky from work today and went to see the Yankees play the Tigers. The Yankees lost, but it was a good game nevertheless. I've been to four baseball games this year (Mets vs. Giants, Yankees vs. Rockies, Yankees vs. Red Sox and this Yankees vs. Tigers). Three of the four games I have attended have concluded with the home team victorious and four of the four games have been close and exciting. Combined scoring for the four games was home team 25, visiting team 19. Not too bad.
Next week I will be testing my theory that I am a good luck charm at baseball games by attending a Newark Bears game. If the home team does in fact win yet again, hence proving my theory, I will be auctioning off use of my good luck to those who need it. Bring me to a game of your choice and I'll see what I can do for your favorite team. If I can't finagle a win, I bet the game will at least be exciting. If not exciting, it will probably be sort of fun sitting with me. Plan ahead -- hot dogs, beer and salted peanuts help me to achieve the level of intensity I need.
Next week I will be testing my theory that I am a good luck charm at baseball games by attending a Newark Bears game. If the home team does in fact win yet again, hence proving my theory, I will be auctioning off use of my good luck to those who need it. Bring me to a game of your choice and I'll see what I can do for your favorite team. If I can't finagle a win, I bet the game will at least be exciting. If not exciting, it will probably be sort of fun sitting with me. Plan ahead -- hot dogs, beer and salted peanuts help me to achieve the level of intensity I need.
Thursday, July 1, 2004
Jumping To 1812
I was worried that this July 4th might not be spirited enough. Well, I now realize that concern was unwarranted --
From MTV.com:
David Lee Roth will perform with the Boston Pops during the July 4 celebration on the Charles River Esplanade in Boston. The orchestra, conducted by Keith Lockhart, will back Roth for "California Girls" and "Jump" before launching into Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" as the fireworks go off ...
I can't say I have a huge desire to trek to Boston for the 4th, but to witness the transition from "Jump" into the "1812 Overture" in person might be worth the trip. David Lee Roth and the Boston Pops. That's booking genius!
I have to wonder though -- will all of the idiots in Boston start chanting "Yankees Suck" after the show?
From MTV.com:
David Lee Roth will perform with the Boston Pops during the July 4 celebration on the Charles River Esplanade in Boston. The orchestra, conducted by Keith Lockhart, will back Roth for "California Girls" and "Jump" before launching into Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" as the fireworks go off ...
I can't say I have a huge desire to trek to Boston for the 4th, but to witness the transition from "Jump" into the "1812 Overture" in person might be worth the trip. David Lee Roth and the Boston Pops. That's booking genius!
I have to wonder though -- will all of the idiots in Boston start chanting "Yankees Suck" after the show?
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Hand Off
Now that Saddam Hussein has been handed over the Iraqis in a legal capacity I am anxiously awaiting the physical handing over. I picture something fun like this happening --
United States President George W. Bush: Here is Saddam Hussein. The man who oppressed you, squashed your freedoms and murdered your families, friends and countrymen.
Director of Special Tribunal for the trial, Salem Chalabi: Thank you President Bush and the rest of all of the liberating countries involved. This would not have been possible without your help.
Iraqi Prime Minister, Iyad Allawi: We'll take him from here and see that he receives the justice he never gave any of us.
Saddam is ceremoniously passed between the men with flash bulbs galore.
Iraq's new national security adviser, Mouwafak al-Rubaie: Welcome back Saddam. I think you will find your palace slightly damaged but home sweet home nevertheless. You are free to go.
Iyad Allawi and Salem Chalabi: Maniacal laughter ~
Saddam: I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book! What a fool, what's with you man, c'mon? So, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.*
Saddam and Co. exit stage left
British Prime Minister Tony Blair and United States President George W. Bush: Shit!
United States President George W. Bush: Here is Saddam Hussein. The man who oppressed you, squashed your freedoms and murdered your families, friends and countrymen.
Director of Special Tribunal for the trial, Salem Chalabi: Thank you President Bush and the rest of all of the liberating countries involved. This would not have been possible without your help.
Iraqi Prime Minister, Iyad Allawi: We'll take him from here and see that he receives the justice he never gave any of us.
Saddam is ceremoniously passed between the men with flash bulbs galore.
Iraq's new national security adviser, Mouwafak al-Rubaie: Welcome back Saddam. I think you will find your palace slightly damaged but home sweet home nevertheless. You are free to go.
Iyad Allawi and Salem Chalabi: Maniacal laughter ~
Saddam: I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book! What a fool, what's with you man, c'mon? So, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.*
Saddam and Co. exit stage left
British Prime Minister Tony Blair and United States President George W. Bush: Shit!
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Playground = Battleground
I just saw a blurb for the news that was talking about new threats from Al Qaeda (surprise). While trying to entice us into watching the upcoming news they are playing a video we have all seen a thousand times of some Al Qaeda training camp. I always find this funny. It is a bunch of guys running around the desert going hand over hand on the monkey bars and shooting guns off into the nothingness.
NEW THREAT FROM AL QAEDA!! NEWS AT 11 ... Monkey bars? In the desert? Somehow I doubt Al Qaeda will be attacking us via the playgrounds of the U.S.A. I'm guessing their training and strategy might be a bit more complex then monkey bars.
NEW THREAT FROM AL QAEDA!! NEWS AT 11 ... Monkey bars? In the desert? Somehow I doubt Al Qaeda will be attacking us via the playgrounds of the U.S.A. I'm guessing their training and strategy might be a bit more complex then monkey bars.
Monday, June 28, 2004
Mermaid Wrap
As previously mentioned, I attended the Mermaid Parade out in Coney Island on Saturday. Good times.
The whole thing is ridiculous. I think the quote in this story on NY1 summed it up best: "The costumes are crazy," said one reveler. "There are boobs everywhere." Everyone has a different body type, and I respect that, but I think it is safe to say that most of the people with the "boobs everywhere" really shouldn't be quite so free with the revealing.
Here are some sites with photos if you'd like a taste (hopefully the photographers/site owners won't mind me linking to them:
http://ortgeist.com/mermaid_parade_2004
http://www.forgotten-ny.com/mermaid2004/mermaid2004.html
http://thingy.typepad.com/photos/coneymermaids
I got to see Moby and Theo representing as rulers of the whole thing. They weren't very exciting, but it is always fun to say you saw a celebrity I guess.
After the parade I helped myself to two Nathan's hotdogs (one with chili and one with mustard), a lemonade and some cheese fries. What else to do after a stomach full of heart attack? The Cyclone of course. Yes, a ride on the Cyclone and some freak watching wrapped up the Coney Island experience quite nicely.
Done and done ... 'til next year.
The whole thing is ridiculous. I think the quote in this story on NY1 summed it up best: "The costumes are crazy," said one reveler. "There are boobs everywhere." Everyone has a different body type, and I respect that, but I think it is safe to say that most of the people with the "boobs everywhere" really shouldn't be quite so free with the revealing.
Here are some sites with photos if you'd like a taste (hopefully the photographers/site owners won't mind me linking to them:
http://ortgeist.com/mermaid_parade_2004
http://www.forgotten-ny.com/mermaid2004/mermaid2004.html
http://thingy.typepad.com/photos/coneymermaids
I got to see Moby and Theo representing as rulers of the whole thing. They weren't very exciting, but it is always fun to say you saw a celebrity I guess.
After the parade I helped myself to two Nathan's hotdogs (one with chili and one with mustard), a lemonade and some cheese fries. What else to do after a stomach full of heart attack? The Cyclone of course. Yes, a ride on the Cyclone and some freak watching wrapped up the Coney Island experience quite nicely.
Done and done ... 'til next year.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Out Of The Depths ...
Saturday is the annual Mermaid Parade in fabulous Coney Island. As opposed to Memorial Day -- the fake kick-off of summer -- The Mermaid Parade is actually the official summer kick-off. Just because you go running off to your house in the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore doesn't mean it's summer. Memorial Day is in spring. This weekend -- Mermaid Parade weekend -- is the first weekend of summer and don't you forget it!
According to the Coney Island USA web site, "The Mermaid Parade celebrates the sand, the sea, the salt air and the beginning of summer, as well as the history and mythology of Coney Island, Coney Island pride, and artistic self-expression." Well that may be important, but it also celebrates hot dogs, The Cyclone, freaks, beer and scantily clad "mermaids" ... isn't that the real definition of summer and the most important part of the day?!
As if all this isn't enough, it looks like Moby (of Moby fame) is King Neptune and Theo (of Lunachicks fame) is Queen Mermaid!
See you there. Yes!
According to the Coney Island USA web site, "The Mermaid Parade celebrates the sand, the sea, the salt air and the beginning of summer, as well as the history and mythology of Coney Island, Coney Island pride, and artistic self-expression." Well that may be important, but it also celebrates hot dogs, The Cyclone, freaks, beer and scantily clad "mermaids" ... isn't that the real definition of summer and the most important part of the day?!
As if all this isn't enough, it looks like Moby (of Moby fame) is King Neptune and Theo (of Lunachicks fame) is Queen Mermaid!
See you there. Yes!
Tropical Cancer III
Come on! Must this madness continue?
R.J. Reynolds gathers the reinforcements. I have spotted another advertisement for flavored cigarettes. Clearly outnumbered by the choices offered by Brown & Williamson, R.J. Reynolds has backed up its flavored Camels with some menthol of its own -- Salem Silver Label.
You can choose Cool Myst (A creamy fresh menthol sensation with a hint of vanilla), Dark Currents (A luscious menthol sensation with a hint of berry), Deep Freeze (Intensely cool with a streak of spearmint) and Fire & Ice (fiery spices and cooling menthol).
The war rages on ...
R.J. Reynolds gathers the reinforcements. I have spotted another advertisement for flavored cigarettes. Clearly outnumbered by the choices offered by Brown & Williamson, R.J. Reynolds has backed up its flavored Camels with some menthol of its own -- Salem Silver Label.
You can choose Cool Myst (A creamy fresh menthol sensation with a hint of vanilla), Dark Currents (A luscious menthol sensation with a hint of berry), Deep Freeze (Intensely cool with a streak of spearmint) and Fire & Ice (fiery spices and cooling menthol).
The war rages on ...
Anabolically Correct?
Headline from CBS SportsLine.com: New 'roid allegations enrage Bonds
Enrage? Do they mean that Barry Bonds has some 'roid rage?
I like to picture a group of reporters around Barry's locker after a game. Someone asks Bonds a particularly stupid steroid-related question as opposed to just discussing the status of the Giants or Barry's view on the upcoming interleague/crosstown series against the A's. He snaps. He grabs the nearest bat and starts handing out his homerun style swings to reporters. That's when 'roid rage comes in handy.
As Rage Against The Machine once said ... "Anger is a gift" Be as "enraged" as you'd like Barry. Keep on swinging for the fences (and the reporters and other athletes).
Enrage? Do they mean that Barry Bonds has some 'roid rage?
I like to picture a group of reporters around Barry's locker after a game. Someone asks Bonds a particularly stupid steroid-related question as opposed to just discussing the status of the Giants or Barry's view on the upcoming interleague/crosstown series against the A's. He snaps. He grabs the nearest bat and starts handing out his homerun style swings to reporters. That's when 'roid rage comes in handy.
As Rage Against The Machine once said ... "Anger is a gift" Be as "enraged" as you'd like Barry. Keep on swinging for the fences (and the reporters and other athletes).
Legal Memo
Dear DMX,
We already know you are gangsta as all hell and totally keep it real and all that, so it is unnecessary to do stupid shit like this. Let me know when you would like to meet as to discuss a plan to get you out of this jam.
Sincerely,
DMX's lawyer
We already know you are gangsta as all hell and totally keep it real and all that, so it is unnecessary to do stupid shit like this. Let me know when you would like to meet as to discuss a plan to get you out of this jam.
Sincerely,
DMX's lawyer
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Tropical Cancer II
Not to be outdone by R.J. Reynolds it seems that Brown & Williamson has decided to give the flavored-up Camels a run for their money.
I saw an advertisement today for Kool cigarettes avec flavor. Watch the fuck out Camel. Kool already has menthol on its side and now there are flavors too! Here is what Kool has going:
note: the words in parenthesis are the descriptive words for the add, not part of the actual name
(Alluring) Caribbean Chill, (Enchanting) Midnight Berry, (Tantalizing) Mintrigue and (Enticing) Mocha Taboo
I don't know if the American Dental Association has approved them yet, but Kool's Mintrigue sounds like you can brush your teeth with them.
Someone (one of you ultra-hip smokers) please smoke some of these things (Camel or Kool) and give me a report as to whether they live up to their delicious names.
I saw an advertisement today for Kool cigarettes avec flavor. Watch the fuck out Camel. Kool already has menthol on its side and now there are flavors too! Here is what Kool has going:
note: the words in parenthesis are the descriptive words for the add, not part of the actual name
(Alluring) Caribbean Chill, (Enchanting) Midnight Berry, (Tantalizing) Mintrigue and (Enticing) Mocha Taboo
I don't know if the American Dental Association has approved them yet, but Kool's Mintrigue sounds like you can brush your teeth with them.
Someone (one of you ultra-hip smokers) please smoke some of these things (Camel or Kool) and give me a report as to whether they live up to their delicious names.
Roman
I woke up early today to go running before work. I'm trying to get my lazy ass back in shape.
Getting up early sucks, but so does running. As with many things, when you do them half-asleep (like work), they aren't as bad. If I don't get running out of the way before I am fully awake, I sometimes like to skip out on actually doing it later in the day. There are too many distractions/excuses that arise after work. The heat, happy hour, television, eating, etc. ... all the enemy of exercise.
This morning, while on my run along the East River I see something out of the corner of my eye. I look over toward Long Island City and see fireworks. My brain says, "Ooooh fireworks!" A second look, and it turns out to be the Roman Candle variety (which my brain is still sort of excited about). Then a small detail hits me ... it's 5fucking40 in the A - M.
Who lights fireworks at 5:40 in the morning? Does this person stay up all night rockin' out and then when it starts to get light out they think, "Hey. Why not launch some fireworks?" or is it someone who sets their alarm as to start their day off with some excitement?
I do not know, but I thank you LIC pyromaniac. Thank you for the show!
Getting up early sucks, but so does running. As with many things, when you do them half-asleep (like work), they aren't as bad. If I don't get running out of the way before I am fully awake, I sometimes like to skip out on actually doing it later in the day. There are too many distractions/excuses that arise after work. The heat, happy hour, television, eating, etc. ... all the enemy of exercise.
This morning, while on my run along the East River I see something out of the corner of my eye. I look over toward Long Island City and see fireworks. My brain says, "Ooooh fireworks!" A second look, and it turns out to be the Roman Candle variety (which my brain is still sort of excited about). Then a small detail hits me ... it's 5fucking40 in the A - M.
Who lights fireworks at 5:40 in the morning? Does this person stay up all night rockin' out and then when it starts to get light out they think, "Hey. Why not launch some fireworks?" or is it someone who sets their alarm as to start their day off with some excitement?
I do not know, but I thank you LIC pyromaniac. Thank you for the show!
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
1lb. Please
Here is a little snippet from an interview with Michael Clarke Duncan (the giant guy from such films as The Whole Nine Yards, The Green Mile and Daredevil). I don't remember where I got it from, but does it really matter? All I know is Michael Clarke Duncan is not coming to my house for breakfast unless he brings his own eats ~~
You have a big appetite?
MCD: Yes, I do and I try to watch it but you know, all the
time...once I start eating, it's my passion.
What's it take to fill you up?
MCD: As a child, you have to remember I started cooking at the age of six. My mother taught me how to cook because she never wanted a woman holding over my head that she wasn't going to cook for me on any given occasion. So I know how to go in and burn. Every morning I'd go in and have 12 eggs with cheese, I'd have a pound of bacon and six slices of toast. That's what I would eat every morning. My cousins were in town one day and they said, "Your brother is so nice, he's making breakfast for everyone." My sister looked at them and said, "That's not for you guys, that's for him." My cousin said, "No, no, he got a pound of bacon, he's cooking for everyone." She said, "well go in there and ask him." My cousin said, "Michael that's really nice of you to cook breakfast..." I was like you're not getting any of this, and I sat at that table and ate EVERYTHING. And that's when the weight started coming on as a young kid.
You have a big appetite?
MCD: Yes, I do and I try to watch it but you know, all the
time...once I start eating, it's my passion.
What's it take to fill you up?
MCD: As a child, you have to remember I started cooking at the age of six. My mother taught me how to cook because she never wanted a woman holding over my head that she wasn't going to cook for me on any given occasion. So I know how to go in and burn. Every morning I'd go in and have 12 eggs with cheese, I'd have a pound of bacon and six slices of toast. That's what I would eat every morning. My cousins were in town one day and they said, "Your brother is so nice, he's making breakfast for everyone." My sister looked at them and said, "That's not for you guys, that's for him." My cousin said, "No, no, he got a pound of bacon, he's cooking for everyone." She said, "well go in there and ask him." My cousin said, "Michael that's really nice of you to cook breakfast..." I was like you're not getting any of this, and I sat at that table and ate EVERYTHING. And that's when the weight started coming on as a young kid.
Just Like Kiefer Sutherland
My last 24 hours have brought these happenings/thoughts to the forefront:
(1)
Phish fans are probably the most annoying people in the world. Hippies suck! ... especially fake hippies. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food, on the other hand, is not annoying, nor does it suck.
(2)
If you are going to let make a 20 million dollar space plane don't let Michael Melvill pilot the thing:
After burning its rocket for 80 seconds, SpaceShipOne sped up to more than three times the speed of sound and then coasted to its peak altitude, making Melvill weightless.
Melville said he released a bag of M&Ms chocolates to see if they would float in the cockpit.
"It was amazing, these M&Ms were going around everywhere," he said.
Asshole. This is a 20 million dollar project we're dealing with here. We don't need M&Ms melting into the control board.
(3)
It is possible (according to one girl's mother) to have a fetish even when you are under the age of five.
(4)
I found a bar that is worth checking out called Croxley Ales located on Avenue B (btwn. 2nd & 3rd Street). They have a lot of beer, an outside eating area and specials that include 10 cent wings, cheap nachos, cheap beer and other yum yums depending on the day. They have other locations on Long Island, but you won't catch me there anytime soon.
(1)
Phish fans are probably the most annoying people in the world. Hippies suck! ... especially fake hippies. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food, on the other hand, is not annoying, nor does it suck.
(2)
If you are going to let make a 20 million dollar space plane don't let Michael Melvill pilot the thing:
After burning its rocket for 80 seconds, SpaceShipOne sped up to more than three times the speed of sound and then coasted to its peak altitude, making Melvill weightless.
Melville said he released a bag of M&Ms chocolates to see if they would float in the cockpit.
"It was amazing, these M&Ms were going around everywhere," he said.
Asshole. This is a 20 million dollar project we're dealing with here. We don't need M&Ms melting into the control board.
(3)
It is possible (according to one girl's mother) to have a fetish even when you are under the age of five.
(4)
I found a bar that is worth checking out called Croxley Ales located on Avenue B (btwn. 2nd & 3rd Street). They have a lot of beer, an outside eating area and specials that include 10 cent wings, cheap nachos, cheap beer and other yum yums depending on the day. They have other locations on Long Island, but you won't catch me there anytime soon.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Everybody Likes Awards
I have been digging through my work e-mail archives which pretty much consists of things that I found funny enough at the time of receipt to save. Some, as am reading years later aren't that funny, but I enjoyed this one from way back on 04/05/2001 from my good friend Andrew:
Today's "I Shit On You Award" goes to ...
That stupid fucking seagull that crashed into the roof of my car a couple of weeks back. I discovered last night that you ripped a nice sized paint chip off my roof. I hope you broke your neck and suffered a miserable highway death ...
Today's "I Shit On You Award" goes to ...
That stupid fucking seagull that crashed into the roof of my car a couple of weeks back. I discovered last night that you ripped a nice sized paint chip off my roof. I hope you broke your neck and suffered a miserable highway death ...
Sliding Doors
On my way home from work yesterday, my train pulls into my stop (14th Street/Union Square) in its usual fashion. I stand up and move towards the door, as do some others.
The conductor announces, "14th Street, Union Square."
Long pause.
Door doesn't open.
Pause.
"Next stop 8th Street. Please stand clear of the closing doors."
Train starts rolling.
Guy next to me, "They didn't even open the fucking doors! What the fuck is this?!"
I think that guy said what we all were thinking. I don't know if the doors on my car were broken on that side (at the next stop the doors opened on the other side), if the conductor just forgot the whole back end of the train, or if it was all some funny train worker joke. Drug use? Terrorism? Who's to say.
The conductor announces, "14th Street, Union Square."
Long pause.
Door doesn't open.
Pause.
"Next stop 8th Street. Please stand clear of the closing doors."
Train starts rolling.
Guy next to me, "They didn't even open the fucking doors! What the fuck is this?!"
I think that guy said what we all were thinking. I don't know if the doors on my car were broken on that side (at the next stop the doors opened on the other side), if the conductor just forgot the whole back end of the train, or if it was all some funny train worker joke. Drug use? Terrorism? Who's to say.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Surprise!
From CNN --
9/11 panel: No al Qaeda cooperation with Iraq
http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/06/16/911.commission/index.html
From me --
(sarcastically) "No shit!?"
9/11 panel: No al Qaeda cooperation with Iraq
http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/06/16/911.commission/index.html
From me --
(sarcastically) "No shit!?"
An Audience Who We Weren't Allowed To Kill ...
I wish I had seen Black Flag back in their glory days. Everything I read or hear about their shows sounds awesome. I guess I was a bit young for my parents to agree to drop me off at a Black Flag concert where death for me was guaranteed. I did catch Rollins Band once, in 1991, but that was hardly the same.
I just read an interview done with Rollins by nutty Canadian Nardwuar the Human Serviette. Nardwuar loves to bring up questions pertaining to Canada, loves to repeat himself and brings up oddly obscure crap from people's pasts. All of this often throws off the interviewee which I enjoy quite a bit.
I like the following exchange, not because of the confusion factor, but rather because I think it is great how Rollins goes from angry to reflective. He is fuckin' nuts. Nuts when he was in Black Flag and still nuts now. His spoken word tours and poetry aren't fooling me:
Nardwuar: Why do you think that people think you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg, because people think you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg. People think that you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg.
Rollins: 'Cause I used to very much. 'Cause I would come up here and you guys would be a shitty, spitting, heroin shooting, equipment stealing audience who we weren't allowed to kill ... So, after I got out of Black Flag and I didn't have to come here anymore, when I became the boss of the system, I stopped coming here so I didn't have to get spat on and have my equipment ripped off by, by idiotic punk rock junkies. So I gave the city about seven years to cool off, and came back and found it to be a very wonderful place.
Nardwuar: So it's no longer "Drunkville" to you?
Rollins: No.
I just read an interview done with Rollins by nutty Canadian Nardwuar the Human Serviette. Nardwuar loves to bring up questions pertaining to Canada, loves to repeat himself and brings up oddly obscure crap from people's pasts. All of this often throws off the interviewee which I enjoy quite a bit.
I like the following exchange, not because of the confusion factor, but rather because I think it is great how Rollins goes from angry to reflective. He is fuckin' nuts. Nuts when he was in Black Flag and still nuts now. His spoken word tours and poetry aren't fooling me:
Nardwuar: Why do you think that people think you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg, because people think you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg. People think that you hate Vancouver or Winnipeg.
Rollins: 'Cause I used to very much. 'Cause I would come up here and you guys would be a shitty, spitting, heroin shooting, equipment stealing audience who we weren't allowed to kill ... So, after I got out of Black Flag and I didn't have to come here anymore, when I became the boss of the system, I stopped coming here so I didn't have to get spat on and have my equipment ripped off by, by idiotic punk rock junkies. So I gave the city about seven years to cool off, and came back and found it to be a very wonderful place.
Nardwuar: So it's no longer "Drunkville" to you?
Rollins: No.
Lake(ers) My Ass
You Lakers should be pretty embarrassed. Not because you lost. Lost BIG mind you. You should be embarrassed at your lack of effort, heart, grit, passion, responsiveness, concern, zeal, enthusiasm, interest and of course balls. When you were down you fucking quit. Everything worth rooting for in sports, you lack. During the last quarter, you would have been better off putting in the team I was on when I was in 6th grade at Blue Creek Elementary School. I doubt we could have won (hell, we could barely beat other teams of 6th graders), but at least we would have tried.
All-Stars my ass!
All-Stars my ass!
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
113 Used Syringes
You should read this article I originally read in POPsmear magazine (one of my favorites of all-time until they went bottom up) on the fiasco that was the underground and underrated Meat Puppets: http://www.popsmear.com/popculture/features/20/meat.html
First reason I say to read this is that it is good/interesting. After that first reason, it can also be useful:
- as a reminder that you should do drugs -- especially heroin.
- to let you think that your own life ain't half bad.
- to scare little kids (or other rock stars) into avoiding drugs
It also reinforces what almost everyone knows already:
- Seattle does fucked up things to people
- rock stars just have to fuck up the good thing they have going
OK. Get reading. I'll expect a full report when you are done.
First reason I say to read this is that it is good/interesting. After that first reason, it can also be useful:
- as a reminder that you should do drugs -- especially heroin.
- to let you think that your own life ain't half bad.
- to scare little kids (or other rock stars) into avoiding drugs
It also reinforces what almost everyone knows already:
- Seattle does fucked up things to people
- rock stars just have to fuck up the good thing they have going
OK. Get reading. I'll expect a full report when you are done.
Icy Therapy
I've been noticing, now that the summer heat is upon us, that ice cream may very well be the greatest form of therapy. Everyone I see with an ice cream cone in hand looks happy, or at the very least ultra-content. I can't think of one other item on this earth that can accomplish this feat. Just watch out for that ever-lurking brain freeze and we can probably do away with psychiatrists. Sweet!
I Wish I Had The Power Of Flight
Here are some lyrics by (the apparently now defunct) Little T and One Track Mike that I have taken a liking to (just verse one and the chorus is all you get for now):
Wings
If I had wings I'd take off work,
fly around town until it got dark,
watch the kids playing basketball down in the park,
with their shoes on,
and laugh at them ~
Ha! Ha! I'm outta here,
gravity free in the stratosphere,
don't need a blunt or a can of beer to get high as the sky,
and wave bye bye ~
I flap my wings in double time,
rappin in double rhyme,
and look down on the world feeling innocent and thinkin',
I never want to land again ~
'cause an average day can ruin a man,
have me thinkin' about suicide again,
and a whole lot of crazy other things,
like if I had wings ~
If I had wings I would fly away – fly away
If I had wings I would laugh all day – laugh all day
If I had wings I would fly away – fly away
If I had wings I would laugh all day
Wings
If I had wings I'd take off work,
fly around town until it got dark,
watch the kids playing basketball down in the park,
with their shoes on,
and laugh at them ~
Ha! Ha! I'm outta here,
gravity free in the stratosphere,
don't need a blunt or a can of beer to get high as the sky,
and wave bye bye ~
I flap my wings in double time,
rappin in double rhyme,
and look down on the world feeling innocent and thinkin',
I never want to land again ~
'cause an average day can ruin a man,
have me thinkin' about suicide again,
and a whole lot of crazy other things,
like if I had wings ~
If I had wings I would fly away – fly away
If I had wings I would laugh all day – laugh all day
If I had wings I would fly away – fly away
If I had wings I would laugh all day
Monday, June 14, 2004
Monkey Business
I recently read an article on some reality TV shows that were pitched to television networks but turned down. Maybe the networks were correct, but I think these two sound great (I don't know if I would have actually watched them, but the ideas are pure genius):
Iron Lung
Several smokers under one roof try to kick the habit cold turkey. Withdrawal and paranoia set in, and the place gets as bitchy as the Tri Delt house during group menses. That open carton of cigarettes lying on the dining room table doesn't help. One puff and you're out.
I've Got a Monkey On My Back
In a new frantic cross-country relay race, the contestants are not carrying a metaphoric monkey or two on their back. Nope, a real live banana-munching, feces-flinging simian plays the role of a baton that must be moved from one coast to the other.
Iron Lung
Several smokers under one roof try to kick the habit cold turkey. Withdrawal and paranoia set in, and the place gets as bitchy as the Tri Delt house during group menses. That open carton of cigarettes lying on the dining room table doesn't help. One puff and you're out.
I've Got a Monkey On My Back
In a new frantic cross-country relay race, the contestants are not carrying a metaphoric monkey or two on their back. Nope, a real live banana-munching, feces-flinging simian plays the role of a baton that must be moved from one coast to the other.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Don't Play With Matches
I just caught a video on Launch.com by Gene Simmons. He does a version of Prodigy's Firestarter now retitled I'm The Firestarter. I'm guessing this is because Gene Simmons is a self-centered prick, but I don't know for sure. The whole thing is ridiculous. Check out the video here.
I think Gene probably woke up one day, and maybe Prodigy came on the radio. Gene decides that he hasn't done anything in awhile, so why not cover that catchy tune and make a video that centers around him with a bevy of bikini clad beauties. Done and done. Being in KISS seems to really pay off nicely.
I think Gene probably woke up one day, and maybe Prodigy came on the radio. Gene decides that he hasn't done anything in awhile, so why not cover that catchy tune and make a video that centers around him with a bevy of bikini clad beauties. Done and done. Being in KISS seems to really pay off nicely.
That's A Nice Box
I didn't want to talk about this here, but I just can't stop myself.
This Ronald Reagan thing is really starting to piss me off. Nevermind the fact that Reagan was not the great President everyone is making him out to be. He may have been a nice guy, a good husband, and a President, but there was no way in hell he was a good President. Anyway, the other thing that is pissing me off is the media coverage of the idiots walking around his coffin AND the idiots actually doing the walking. I don't know why anyone would want to stand in line that long to look at a box (that may or may not have a dead president inside), with an American flag draped over the top. "Hey, honey. As long as we are in Washington, D.C. on vacation, why don't we stop by and see the box that dead President Reagan is in." No! Seeing a President might be cool, but seeing a dead President in a box is not. It is stupid.
Did I mention that Reagan sucked as a President?
When I went to see Hamell On Trial the other night, Hamell made mention of what a joke this whole praising of Reagan is. He said something that I think mirrors my thoughts. Something along the lines of, "Are they really going to put up a monument to this guy? If they are going to do that, why not put Pauly Shore up on Mount Rushmore?"
I'm sorry to talk shit about someone has died. I know that is not nice, especially when I am sure they tried their best and did some good in the world. I'm just not buying into the worshiping behavior. Pay your respects if you knew him, but if you simply voted for him or got rich during the S&L scandals you could probably just say a prayer or something like that. Oh, and if you are CNN, you don't need to show the whole process live.
This Ronald Reagan thing is really starting to piss me off. Nevermind the fact that Reagan was not the great President everyone is making him out to be. He may have been a nice guy, a good husband, and a President, but there was no way in hell he was a good President. Anyway, the other thing that is pissing me off is the media coverage of the idiots walking around his coffin AND the idiots actually doing the walking. I don't know why anyone would want to stand in line that long to look at a box (that may or may not have a dead president inside), with an American flag draped over the top. "Hey, honey. As long as we are in Washington, D.C. on vacation, why don't we stop by and see the box that dead President Reagan is in." No! Seeing a President might be cool, but seeing a dead President in a box is not. It is stupid.
Did I mention that Reagan sucked as a President?
When I went to see Hamell On Trial the other night, Hamell made mention of what a joke this whole praising of Reagan is. He said something that I think mirrors my thoughts. Something along the lines of, "Are they really going to put up a monument to this guy? If they are going to do that, why not put Pauly Shore up on Mount Rushmore?"
I'm sorry to talk shit about someone has died. I know that is not nice, especially when I am sure they tried their best and did some good in the world. I'm just not buying into the worshiping behavior. Pay your respects if you knew him, but if you simply voted for him or got rich during the S&L scandals you could probably just say a prayer or something like that. Oh, and if you are CNN, you don't need to show the whole process live.
Now I'm Bigtime
I have had the first proof that someone has stumbled upon my rantings by random searches on the internet. That is some exciting stuff. One search was for brian bonsall and the other for camel kauai kolada cigarettes. I love you information superhighway!
Thursday, June 10, 2004
You Should Go
Last night I went see Hamell on Trial last Mercury Lounge. I can hear you saying, "Hamell on Trial?" No, it's not a new Court TV show. Hamell on Trial is actually just one guy named Ed Hamell and there isn't a courtroom anywhere in site. No Judge Wapner here. It is actually just one man, one guitar and a lot of entertainment. He has been around for awhile, and his latest album is now out on Ani DiFranco's label Righteous Babe Records.
Hamell rocks it. Plain and simple. At a Hamell show you get rock, comedy, folk, crowd participation, jokes, punk, "face solos" and almost anything else you look for in a night out for some tunes (no pyrotechnics though).
Now, before we go on, I will warn you to turn back now if you don't want to be judged. Oh, you’re brave are you? Well, here is your judgment ... if you don’t go see Hamell next time you have the opportunity then I can think that nothing other than YOU MUST BE AN ASSHOLE! Yes, I am judging.
Well, time is ticking to the time where it is determined whether the "asshole" title needs to be applied to you. For those of you in NYC, Hamell will be playing at Fez the first four Tuesdays in August. The 3rd, the 10th, the 17th and the 24th are all options. You have the rest of June and all of July to get your schedule in order. Be there for at least one. I can assure you that you will walk away not regretting it. For those of you elsewhere, you also have an opportunity to catch Hamell tearing up your town. Check out this link for your chance to have your socks rocked off.
I'm sure some of you doubters are thinking, "I'm going to go to a show recommended by a guy who owns albums by Insane Clown Posse, Seven May Three, King Diamond, Tesla, Young Black Teenagers (who aren’t even black), Warrior Soul, Europe, Ugly Kid Joe, Vanilla Ice and other crap-o-ramas? Yeah right." Well, this is different. I promise you. I have yet to know someone to go to a Hamell on Trial show and not leave happy, or at least entertained. If you don't believe me, and would like to hear from "experts" here are snippets from a couple of reviews:
ROLLINGSTONE.COM
"Raucous indie-punk folkie Ed Hamell returns with a fresh brew of satire and sensitivity. Like a machete-wielding man wearing a clown's nose, Hamell takes a few well-chosen targets behind the woodshed for a hefty dose of smarty-pants derision ... "
AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN
"If Hamell were a young cute mop-top in a pair of designer-dirty jeans, he'd be the new White Strokes."
BILLBOARD
"If he were on a major label, he would surely be hailed as "the next big thing." That said, consider Ed Hamell (aka Hamell on Trial) the next "little big man." A genuinely funny guy with a social conscience, a loud mouth and serious songwriting cred, his punk-folk acoustic blasts are like a punchline to the establishment's groin ... "
Try it out or forever wear the title of "asshole" ... OK, maybe you won't be an asshole, but I really think Hamell is something everyone should see. Do yourself and the music world a favor and go.
Hamell rocks it. Plain and simple. At a Hamell show you get rock, comedy, folk, crowd participation, jokes, punk, "face solos" and almost anything else you look for in a night out for some tunes (no pyrotechnics though).
Now, before we go on, I will warn you to turn back now if you don't want to be judged. Oh, you’re brave are you? Well, here is your judgment ... if you don’t go see Hamell next time you have the opportunity then I can think that nothing other than YOU MUST BE AN ASSHOLE! Yes, I am judging.
Well, time is ticking to the time where it is determined whether the "asshole" title needs to be applied to you. For those of you in NYC, Hamell will be playing at Fez the first four Tuesdays in August. The 3rd, the 10th, the 17th and the 24th are all options. You have the rest of June and all of July to get your schedule in order. Be there for at least one. I can assure you that you will walk away not regretting it. For those of you elsewhere, you also have an opportunity to catch Hamell tearing up your town. Check out this link for your chance to have your socks rocked off.
I'm sure some of you doubters are thinking, "I'm going to go to a show recommended by a guy who owns albums by Insane Clown Posse, Seven May Three, King Diamond, Tesla, Young Black Teenagers (who aren’t even black), Warrior Soul, Europe, Ugly Kid Joe, Vanilla Ice and other crap-o-ramas? Yeah right." Well, this is different. I promise you. I have yet to know someone to go to a Hamell on Trial show and not leave happy, or at least entertained. If you don't believe me, and would like to hear from "experts" here are snippets from a couple of reviews:
ROLLINGSTONE.COM
"Raucous indie-punk folkie Ed Hamell returns with a fresh brew of satire and sensitivity. Like a machete-wielding man wearing a clown's nose, Hamell takes a few well-chosen targets behind the woodshed for a hefty dose of smarty-pants derision ... "
AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN
"If Hamell were a young cute mop-top in a pair of designer-dirty jeans, he'd be the new White Strokes."
BILLBOARD
"If he were on a major label, he would surely be hailed as "the next big thing." That said, consider Ed Hamell (aka Hamell on Trial) the next "little big man." A genuinely funny guy with a social conscience, a loud mouth and serious songwriting cred, his punk-folk acoustic blasts are like a punchline to the establishment's groin ... "
Try it out or forever wear the title of "asshole" ... OK, maybe you won't be an asshole, but I really think Hamell is something everyone should see. Do yourself and the music world a favor and go.
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
Toss That Salad
I've been noticing that McDonald's has really been busting their asses trying to make themselves seem healthier. I'm guessing most of this has to do with Super Size Me and other bad press they have been getting. Anywho, in their new commercials where they try to lure us in with their salads and Stepometer(TM) I always think, "Man, that salad looks nasty ... and unhealthy." Well, today I checked the McDonald's nutrition facts on their web site to see if my theory is correct.
The Fiesta Salad is the salad I always see and draw my "that can't be good for you" conclusions from. As it turns out, the Fiesta Salad (with Sour Cream and Salsa) has:
450 calories, 250 calories from fat, 27 grams of total fat, 920mg of sodium
a double cheeseburger?
490 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams of total fat, 1220mg of sodium
Granted, the cheeseburger is lacking in the vitamin categories, but holy crappers! That salad ain't too healthy.
I'm not one to really have a problem with McDonald's. I have even been known to eat there once in awhile (particularly on road trips) so don't get all mad that I am bashing them or knocking your dietary style or whatever. Eat there all you want, just don't bother with that stupid salad cause you know the double cheeseburger is tastier (unless you really want the Stepometer(TM).
Stupid Ronald McDonald. You're not smarter than me!
The Fiesta Salad is the salad I always see and draw my "that can't be good for you" conclusions from. As it turns out, the Fiesta Salad (with Sour Cream and Salsa) has:
450 calories, 250 calories from fat, 27 grams of total fat, 920mg of sodium
a double cheeseburger?
490 calories, 240 calories from fat, 26 grams of total fat, 1220mg of sodium
Granted, the cheeseburger is lacking in the vitamin categories, but holy crappers! That salad ain't too healthy.
I'm not one to really have a problem with McDonald's. I have even been known to eat there once in awhile (particularly on road trips) so don't get all mad that I am bashing them or knocking your dietary style or whatever. Eat there all you want, just don't bother with that stupid salad cause you know the double cheeseburger is tastier (unless you really want the Stepometer(TM).
Stupid Ronald McDonald. You're not smarter than me!
Who Wears The Pants?
Exchange witnessed on the bus today while heading for work.
(Back of the M14 bus from Avenue B to Irving Place. Mother and Step Father sitting in double seat. Son sitting in back row -- one row behind said parents.)
note: roles are presumed
Father gets up from seat to exit bus stage left. As he gets to the door --
SON: Later Bitch!
MOTHER: You're such a little little shit
STEP FATHER (walking down steps): You call me a bitch again I'll fucking beat your ass right here.
SON: quiet laugh
MOTHER: Head shake
My parents are coming to town for a vist this week. I think I may call my father a bitch to see if I get the same results.
(Back of the M14 bus from Avenue B to Irving Place. Mother and Step Father sitting in double seat. Son sitting in back row -- one row behind said parents.)
note: roles are presumed
Father gets up from seat to exit bus stage left. As he gets to the door --
SON: Later Bitch!
MOTHER: You're such a little little shit
STEP FATHER (walking down steps): You call me a bitch again I'll fucking beat your ass right here.
SON: quiet laugh
MOTHER: Head shake
My parents are coming to town for a vist this week. I think I may call my father a bitch to see if I get the same results.
Sunday, June 6, 2004
Tropical Cancer
I just checked out a magazine add by Camel for two "official blends of summer" cigarettes. I think I am generally known to be anti-smoking, but these certainly sound intriguing. Maybe it is because they are only available for a "limited time" and apparently are the "official blends of summer" but I am thinking the intrigue is there because they sound delicious. One is Kauai Kolada (Hawaiian Hints of Pineapple & Coconut) and the other is Twista Lime (A Citrus Tiki Taste Sensation!). I can't imagine how awesome one of these would be if I were on a beach somewhere with say a margarita in one hand and a Twista Lime in the other. Citrus party! And the taste buds, lungs and tummy are all invited.
Screw you R.J. Reynolds and Camel for making me intrigued ... and making me think about being on a beach too (when I am clearly not).
Screw you R.J. Reynolds and Camel for making me intrigued ... and making me think about being on a beach too (when I am clearly not).
Saturday, June 5, 2004
That Should Dry Things Out
I just read an article on bodybuilding -- more specifically about Jay Cutler. His whole workout routine -- weights, eating, sleeping, supplements, etc is pretty retarded. Tons of food, tons of weight, tons of pills/powders and plenty of obsessing about appearance. He says that right before a competition you need to dehydrate in order to look extra cut. I'm thinking that avoiding drinking is the way to do this. No way! That's not going to do you right, fool! You have to really shrivel yourself proper!
"I didn't drink for three days before the 2001 Mr. Olympia, Cutler says, "I was eating dry oatmeal; it's like sawdust. Your body has to pull fluid from somewhere to digest something that dry, so it pulls fluid from under the skin. Your mouth is so dry you don't speak. You're walking on bones because you have no padding in your feet. You have no functioning skills whatsoever. You'll actually feel like you're going to die. But when you feel that way, it's usually when you look your best."
I'm no doctor, but I'm thinking that routine is not very healthy. Mmmmm dry oatmeal ...
"I didn't drink for three days before the 2001 Mr. Olympia, Cutler says, "I was eating dry oatmeal; it's like sawdust. Your body has to pull fluid from somewhere to digest something that dry, so it pulls fluid from under the skin. Your mouth is so dry you don't speak. You're walking on bones because you have no padding in your feet. You have no functioning skills whatsoever. You'll actually feel like you're going to die. But when you feel that way, it's usually when you look your best."
I'm no doctor, but I'm thinking that routine is not very healthy. Mmmmm dry oatmeal ...
Lyrical Schmyrical
Why does everyone I know like the Beastie Boys? Yes, I'll agree. Their songs are catchy. But I think more importantly, it has something to do with the fact that if I, or anyone else had a band we would be just as stupid and entertaining. You want an example I suppose? Well, here are some samples from the new album To The 5 Boroughs (due out June 15):
Crawlspace
"There's a party going on in here for real~
I got more product than Ron Popeil."
That's It That's All
"Well, I'm freaky like Winnie the Pooh~
T-shirt and no pants and I dance the boogaloo~
Like George Whipple on New York One~
I got a hairy ass and that's no fun."
Shazam!
"I'm in the lab all day~
I Scrabble all night~
I got a BeDazzler, so my outfit's tight."
The genius of stupidity! It will win me over everytime.
Crawlspace
"There's a party going on in here for real~
I got more product than Ron Popeil."
That's It That's All
"Well, I'm freaky like Winnie the Pooh~
T-shirt and no pants and I dance the boogaloo~
Like George Whipple on New York One~
I got a hairy ass and that's no fun."
Shazam!
"I'm in the lab all day~
I Scrabble all night~
I got a BeDazzler, so my outfit's tight."
The genius of stupidity! It will win me over everytime.
Thursday, June 3, 2004
Alex P. Keaton Would Not Approve
I was never a big watcher of Family Ties, nor am I hugely concerned with what celebrities (and in this case I use the word celebrity loosely) are doing, but ya gotta love the answer of "Plenty" when asked how much you've had to drink.
From CNN.com:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/03/people.bonsall.ap/index.html
From CNN.com:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/03/people.bonsall.ap/index.html
DUI arrest for 'Ties' actor Bonsall
Thursday, June 3, 2004 Posted: 9:01 AM EDT (1301 GMT)
BOULDER, Colorado (AP) -- Brian Bonsall, the youngest member of the Keaton clan on television's "Family Ties," was arrested last week on suspicion of drunken driving.
Bonsall, 22, was arrested early Friday by police who said they saw someone vomit out the passenger side window of his car. Asked how much he had to drink, Bonsall responded, "Plenty," then failed a roadside test.
Police said a blood test showed he had "excess alcohol content" but did not disclose the exact amount.
Bonsall, who lives in Boulder, starred as Andy Keaton for three seasons on the NBC sitcom in the late 1980s that helped launch the career of Michael J. Fox.
Bonsall later appeared in episodes of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and the 1993 film "Father Hood."
Bonsall was convicted of drunken driving in 2001 and his license was suspended, police said.
Wednesday, June 2, 2004
A Little (Less) Diddy
While sitting at my desk at work, if I look over my computer monitor and out the window I see very few things of interest. If I was on a lower floor or sitting closer to the window I would see a lot, but up on the 32nd floor and sitting where I am, all I see is sky and the upper portions of surrounding buildings. There are two advertisements within range as well. One for the W Hotel is fairly plain (but so high that I can't imagine very many people seeing it other then jerks like me who are staring out the window while at work) and the other is for Sean John clothing. Both signs annoy me (probably because I see them so often), but the Sean John one I am really starting to hate. It covers twenty floors and is just Sean "P. Diddy" Combs in one of his ugly-ass warm-up suits with his fist held overhead. I know you are a big Broadway star now Diddy along with all the other crap you do, but do you need to have a twenty story billboard? Dear Viacom or Artkraft Strauss or whoever controls that billboard space. Please make P. Diddy leave my field of view. Get someone fun in there -- maybe Mr. Peanut, Phoney McRingRing, the Green Giant or a Victoria's Secret model -- I don't care, just no more Diddy.
Tuesday, June 1, 2004
Crime Is Messy
I feel lacking in the blogging department today (could it be that my blog days are coming to an end after less than a week?), but I did find something to post as we ride out this writers block. This is an old e-mail that I had received from the management company that runs my apartment complex along with my witty intro:
Dear robber,
SURPRISE! As a special bonus to go along with the money you requested we included something that will make you look like you have a leaky maxipad.
Sincerely,
M&T
From my apartment's management company:
====================================================
TO: Resident
FROM: Management Office
DATE: 1/12/2004
TITLE: BANK ROBBERY
NOTICE: Important
Please be advised that NYPD is currently on the property looking for a man who robbed the M&T Bank on 23rd Street and 1st Avenue around 3 PM this afternoon. Below is a description:
Male
African American
Early 20's
Heavy set
Wearing dark clothing
A red dye pack went off in his pants pocket
If you have any information or see anything suspicious please call 911.
Thank you in advance.
Dear robber,
SURPRISE! As a special bonus to go along with the money you requested we included something that will make you look like you have a leaky maxipad.
Sincerely,
M&T
From my apartment's management company:
====================================================
TO: Resident
FROM: Management Office
DATE: 1/12/2004
TITLE: BANK ROBBERY
NOTICE: Important
Please be advised that NYPD is currently on the property looking for a man who robbed the M&T Bank on 23rd Street and 1st Avenue around 3 PM this afternoon. Below is a description:
Male
African American
Early 20's
Heavy set
Wearing dark clothing
A red dye pack went off in his pants pocket
If you have any information or see anything suspicious please call 911.
Thank you in advance.
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