Thursday, November 30, 2006

Now I'm Ready For Month Twelve

Whenever I am out of the apartment or lying in bed or showering or whatever else it is I do, I always think of shit to blog about, but then I either (a) say "fuck it, it will never be written well enough to be as intriguing a story as it was when it was in my head" or (b) forget what the hell I had been thinking of or (c) just feel too lazy.

They always say "finish strong" and it's now the last day of November so I feel like I need to add something on this piece of shit. So, here we go ...

I've actually had a decent week of shit to talk about, but see (c) above for the lack of writing about that. In short, here is the recap:

(1) I went out on Tuesday to see Toole off to Cleveland* properly. By properly, I mean $1 mugs of Bud Light, mocking "We Didn't Start The Fire" (the "cola wars" part was really the catalyst), screaming a lot, shooting virtual deer and cursing the PATH. There wasn't a lot of sleep that night and I probably would have been better off going to the psych ward rather than work the following day.
*I really hope Toole dances and runs around like a fucking psychotic Drew Carey when he gets out of work. He never did in NY/NJ, but I think Cleveland may change him.
(2) Wednesday night I went to see Hamell on Trial. I don't know how many fucking times I have to say it, but I guess I'll do it again: Go see Hamell. You won't be sorry.

(3) Today I had off from work. I wound up helping a former co-worker move her crap out of her apartment as she is off to live upstate.

Productive, No?

I also booked myself a trip. Next Thursday, I'm heading for Chicago for a long weekend that will probably be an extended version of (1) above, but instead of Bud Light it will be Old Style and there will be no PATH train or Toole. Last time I was in Chicago, things were a little messy in more ways than one. I can't wait.

There. That was good. You may now enter, December. Welcome.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Have Fun Being Solo, Little France

Dear Canadians,

Go ahead and let those Quebecer fucks cut out and make their own country. Face it, you hate them just as much as I do (at least every Canadian I've ever met has). They bring your whole nation down. They give you normal Canadians a bad name. Let them be free. I promise to visit Canada -- real Canada -- and never set foot in their snooty "country."

So you lose out on some mountains and maybe some beer, but there are plenty of other non-Quebec options around your great land. Plus, if you really need to, we can always do a little search for "weapons of mass destruction" and the place will be all yours once again.


PS I'm willing to give up Voivod and Men Without Hats in exchange for keeping Celine Dion and Simple Plan locked in the new nation -- physically and aurally. Deal? Deal.

Friday, November 24, 2006

See You Soon, Turkey

On this special day where we all gather around our annoying family and eat until we feel like we'd be better off dead, I thought it would be nice to post something turkey related.

There's probably no better way then with some lines from "Into The Oven" by everyone's favorite band, Anal Cunt:
"First you lived on a farm.
Then you got your head cut off.
Then I bought you in a grocery store.
Pretty soon you'll be on my plate.
Into the oven.
Into the oven.
I'm gonna eat you for Thanksgiving."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Cord Says Winter

I have a brief iPod-related rant here. I know Lozo is already losing his shit at the mere thought of such a thing, but just hang tough*, Lozo. It's not going to be that crazy. I'm not a huge iPod freak to begin with. I only have a shuffle, so I'm not hauling around every album I own or feel as though I'd die without my iPod or any such shit. My thought process for iPod use pretty much involves jamming my iPod in a USB port, hitting Autofill button, letting it fill and then walking out the door. I get a random sampling of the retarded crap I stockpile for convenient listening on the PATH or if I feel like increasing my odds of death, while I skateboard home from work.

Anyway, my rant isn't really about the iPod itself, the awesome songs I may or may not have heard, the iPod's role in society or anything like that. I wanted to bring up the way the cord for the headphones gets so stiff and annoying when it gets cold. Today was the first day I really dealt with it this year. The viscosity (if that is even correct terminology with cords or even solids in general) gets all out of wack, and out of wack with the quickness. The cord is all stiff and sticking out all strange and it is impossible to get under control until warmth is restored. It really drives me nuts.

That's really all. I don't really have some sort of awesome conclusion to all this. I just thought I'd mention it.

*I'm sure some of you were hoping for Hangin' Tough rather than Hang Tough. Now everybody is happy.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Somethin' Wrong With a Little Bump and Grind?

Ahh, school dances ... so dramatic. So controversial. It's always something with the kids and their hormones vs. the adults and their judging. Parents (and teachers) just don't understand!

The headline for this news really should be "Rebecca Watson's Popularity On The Upswing At Fayetteville-Manlius."

No Grinding for You! Upstate School Cancels H.S. Dance
MANLIUS, N.Y. -- Administrators in a suburban upstate New York school district have canceled a high school dance over concerns about students "grinding," a sexually suggestive dance style.

"Grinding to its extreme is pornographic," said Fayetteville-Manlius High School Principal James Chupaila. "Kids say this is how they dance at a club or on MTV. But this is a school event, and we have a responsibility to monitor these things. It's just inappropriate for a school setting."

Administrators canceled a Dec. 2 dance because of students "grinding" at the Homecoming Dance in October, which was so persistent that officials ended the dance early, Chupaila said.

The suburban Syracuse district is banning grinding at all future dances, Chupaila said. The next dance, in February, will be combined with an "activity night," with alternatives such as volleyball and badminton offered, he said.

Dirty dancing isn't particularly new, but school officials have been paying more attention as it becomes more explicit and popular with the mainstreaming of rap and hip hop music with suggestive lyrics and videos. Schools in Maine, New Hampshire and Montana this year outlawed the dance style so that dances could go on.

At Fayetteville-Manlius, parents were upset and some students complained about "inappropriate grabbing or touching" on the dance floor, Chupaila said.

Some students objected to the ban.

Sophomore Abby Damanski, 15, said kids won't attend the dances, which raise money for class events, if there are restrictions.

Junior Rebecca Watson said the dance style replaces slow dancing, which is no longer popular.

"Your clothes are on, so I don't see the problem," she said.


Speaking of Parents Just Don't Understand, what the fuck is this ?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Straight Shooter

I was checking out the most popular news stories/photos on Yahoo! and oddly this photo caught my eye:
The caption alerts me to the name of Katie Price. I thought, "Katie Price? Is that someone I should know? She is on the most popular list and all." So I look her up on the ol' Google and it turns out, Katie Price is also known as Jordan.

Now we've all seen Jordan naked or close to it about a million times (just in case you haven't, I'm sure you can find a sample here), so big deal, I know. Well, the real point of this post is honesty. Yes, honesty. I love this quote from Katie or Jordan or whatever we call her:
"Some people may be famous for creating a pencil sharpener. I'm famous for my tits."
Now that's a gal who knows her reality.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Fully Aware

Yesterday I was heading out for a run and two guys cross my path. First guy is carrying a case and a half of Milwaukee's Best. Second guy is carrying a case in a half of Schlitz.

I say to guy number one, "That looks like you guys can plan on a hungover day tomorrow."

He responds, "Oh, I think this one will be bad enough that it will be hungover tomorrow and Monday."

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Eating Rampage

Yesterday, as the workday and workweek drew to a close, I got that craving I often get -- get home and lie on the couch. Just for a little while or the whole night. Whichever feels right. However, this wasn't an option this day as I had a birthday party to attend at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que.

Stand by colon. Here comes meat ... and lots of it.

Since I didn't really have enough time to go home before the party and I couldn't think of anything to entertain myself with otherwise, I headed up to Harlem about an hour early. I took the train up to 125th Street, found Dinosaur, ordered a beer and sat outside drinking, reading some Harry Potter and watching the douche bags stuck in traffic out on the Henry Hudson (why people drive at rush hour on Friday is beyond me). It was great. Relaxing, entertaining and away from people. If the Mother Nature were to keep things warm for awhile, I would seriously think of doing this every Friday.

Anyway, when the party people arrived, it was time to eat. And eat I did. First the table shared some wings and fried green tomatoes. Off to a good start. Then, for myself I got one of their combo plates. This plate had a lot on it: 1/4 Chicken (leg & thigh), 1/4 Rack of Ribs, Texas Beef Brisket (sliced), 1/4 lb. of peel & eat shrimp, corn bread and two sides (mac & cheese and salt potatoes).

Holy Shit! So good.

I ate all of it. Plate clean! All that meat along with several beers and a shot of Jagermeister ... my stomach was bloated and happy. So good.

If anyone wants to do a field trip, let me know. I am all about a repeat performance.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Out With Questions

On my way home tonight as I walked through the mess that is Union Square I hear some guy say to a woman, "Excuse me miss. Could I ask you a question?"

I thought to myself, Whenever anyone does that "could I ask you a question" shit you know something annoying is coming. Asking for money or asking for sex or asking for something that will lead to one of those things in one form or another. If someone just has a question about say directions or a request for matches, it's just "Excuse me miss [insert harmless and innocent question here]" with none of that "could I ask you a question" follow-up.

Anywho, as I was thinking all this, the woman responds (apparently thinking as I was). She says, "It's seems to me you already are asking me a question."

The guy is clearly thrown off a bit and just says, "What?"

And she says, "'Could I ask you a question?' is a question. Do you see the problem?"

Pretty snotty, but pretty much on target if you ask me.

I was out of earshot before I found out how things went from there, but I'm guessing it didn't go the way the guy had originally planned.

Wait Until You Leave The Train

Two things I witnessed on the subway today (by two separate people at two separate times) that fall into the category of "not appropriate activities to do in public" and especially fall into the category of "not appropriate activities to do in public when in a fairly restricted space":
  1. flossing teeth
  2. cutting toenails
Pretty nasty.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Cluck, cluck

Oh, little man ... you are in a lot of trouble. It's a giant chicken. Don't just sit there. Run! Run like you have never run before!!

Monday, November 6, 2006

Peace Sells

I know we're not voting for President this year, but on this eve of Election Day perhaps it' s a good time to start thinking about your options.

This quote from an interview in the Sydney Morning Herald by Dave Mustaine of Megadeth pretty much has me sold on my 2008 candidate of choice:
"I'd be a really cool president (of the U.S.A.), I guarantee you, man. We'd have a party for a few days and then American sentiment in the world would go up.

"I'd say, 'We're taking back our soldiers from Germany, Korea, the Philippines and the Middle East. You guys fight your own f—ing battles. And by the way, if you're in the United States right now and you're illegal you've got a 90-day grace period. Get out.' Teachers would get paid a lot of money, so would cops. Politicians would get shit."
Get out your write-in voting pencils! This country (and maybe even the world) is as good as fixed.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Sporting Weekend

The latter half of last week I spent out on Long Island for some conferences and learnin' courtesy of work. Three days dealing with my geographical arch enemy -- Long Island. Exhausting.

Having survived my fight to survive out on Long Island, upon my return to NYC on Friday evening it was no rest for the wicked. I dumped my crap off at home and headed up to Hunter College for some Gotham Girls Roller Derby. This time was Manhattan Mayhem vs. Brooklyn Bombshells. My borough reps, the Mayhem eeked out a victory by one point launching their bruised asses into the finals. Here's a taste of the action:
That's trouble in the works there on the right.

Post victory, it was down for more action. This time of the bowling variety. No photos (because they came out like shit as bowling photos so often do). But trust me. There was bowling. And drinking.

Saturday, admittedly was a bit of a negative as far as sports go, unless you count lying on the couch, watching college football and eating some sushi.

Sunday I got back on it with a viewing of the ING New York City Marathon. I know viewing isn't half as impressive as participating, but shit, it's still something right? Plus, it makes for some decent photo ops (this would especially be the case if I had any photography talent). Anyway, let's move on.

First group is the wheel chair division. These fuckers fly.

Here's eventual winner Jelena Prokopcuka (in the orange shorts) kicking everyone's ass.

Here is the guy everyone was excited to see ... Lance Armstrong (in the dark green). Even the locals up on 1st Avenue and 103rd Street, know who Lance Armstrong is.

"You Are Freakin' Hot" This is my second favorite fan sign. I was unable to confirm if the sign was made for a certain runner, all the runners or just me, but either way, it's better than "Run. Bubba. Run." which I saw someone else holding up.

And this one is my favorite sign of the day. It's what everyone is thinking, this guy just had the balls and the artistic talent to make it happen. Kudos.

The end.

Oh, and I also watched the Steelers crap it up yet again. Super Bowl champs, my ass.