Thursday, September 23, 2004

Regroup The Mind

In about 12 hours I will be heading to La Guardia, hoping in seat 16F on an Airbus A319 and heading out over the Atlantic to (hopefully) sunny Bermuda for 9 days of nothing. No phone calls, no alarm clocks, no news, no work, no beeping horns, no nothing.

Hopefully this time away will allow me to get back on the right side of sanity, for as of late I can feel my mind becoming a bit off kilter.

Please don't burglarize my apartment while I am away.

Between Chapter 10 and 12

Yesterday on (and every other news site, including the little information screen in my office elevator) I see this headline: Twinkies Maker Seeking Ch. 11 Protection
I hope somebody can quickly crush the notion of Twinkies failing to exist. That would be a horrible day for everyone.

Twinkies are an American icon and let's face it ... they are tasty.

I have two brief (and not so interesting) memories of Twinkies that I'd like to put on paper computer:

(1) Back in 1996 I was on a brief vacation in Europe. While in Amsterdam I spent some quality time (aka high time) with some travelers from Australia. We were discussing this and that about our respective lives and food came up. I had never had vegemite which they thought was odd and they never had Twinkies which I thought was ludicrous. Why wouldn't Twinkies be everywhere? I think I actually had arranged some sort of mail-based exchange program so we could see what we had been missing which of course never happened.

(2) When I was younger and still living with the 'rents, there was a Wonder Bread/Hostess thrift store in my town. They would have snacks there that were just past the "sell by" date for cheap. Usually 8 packages for $1. That shit was awesome. Twinkies, Hostess Fruit Pies, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, etc. all so cheap there was no excuse not to purge. I know some might not be down with food past the "sell by" date, but come on; Twinkies don't go bad.

That's all the story I've got.

Wait! You should check out this site. There are a bunch of Twinkie-based science experiments that you can try at home, or if you are a science teacher I guess you could try them in the classroom.

Enjoy and go buy a Twinkie or three.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


It's Tuesday ... time for the quote of the week (I know I missed last week ... fuck off).

"He had an enlarged heart, about three times the normal size. That is not healthy."

- Dr. Louis Roh, deputy medical examiner of Westchester County, N.Y. commenting on the deceased Big Pun

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Ebony and Ivory

Yesterday I was in La Isla Restaurant on 14th Street (just West of Avenue B) to get myself a little lunch. Just for the record I got some rice and beans with roast pork. Deeeelicious. Anyway, the guy in front of me in line gets his food and moves to the side so I can get to the counter. He is African-American. He turns to me and says, "Excuse me."

He smells a bit like booze, and when I say a bit, I mean a lot.

He continues with a bit of a slur, "I see that you're white." (this is fairly obvious) "Let me ask you this ... do you hate black people?"

I respond, "No" and mentally prepare a karate chop to his throat if an anti-honky weapon is revealed.

He says, "Good, cause I don't hate white people either."

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, " ...We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with its conscience. That will be a day not of the white man, not of the black man, that will be the day of man as man."

Look at that. MLK's plan all comes together on 14th Street!

Friday, September 17, 2004

Lock and Roll

There was a story issued today about Kryptonite bike locks being easily picked by something everyone has access to ... a BIC pen (see a video here or here to see how easy it is to be a bike thief). I had a bike stolen when I was in college so I am a bit edgy when it comes to the possibility of having my present bike stolen too so I "borrowed" a trusty BIC round stic (medium point - black) from work and headed home on a mission to test my locks. The first lock is an old U-lock that I haven't really used since moving to NYC. Upon closer inspection it turns out it wasn't made by Kryptonite, but I tested it anyway. Couldn't pick it. I then tied my big, heavy (6.1 pounds) chain style lock that is made by Kryptonite. No pen is getting that thing open either. ~Sigh of relief~

I did some further research, thinking that perhaps my pen-based lock picking skills were lacking, and found this article clarifying the situation a bit better. Thank goodness the Brits are a little more thorough then the crappy U.S. news. Anyway, if you were too lazy to read the article it says that only two of Kryptonite's locks were pickable with a pen.

So, bike owners ... you may want to check your locks.
and bike thiefs ... just keep walking past my bike. It is a waste of your time.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Long Shirts

Yesterday I'm down in Tompkins Square Park, or T-Square as I heard one hip youngster refer to it as, and a group of about 10 kids -- somewhere in the 7th - 9th grade range -- come in all in baggy jeans and extra long white T-shirts on. When I say long, I mean down to their knees style. I don't understand why anyone would want to wear something so uncomfortable and constricting, but what the hell do I know? No matter what my opinion is, these punks are clearly thinking they are pretty fucking cool. Then two girls, who the boys clearly were interested in stepin' to walk by and one of the girls says, "What the hell are you guys? The fuckin' white T-shirt gang?" The girls laugh and head for greener pastures. I think that knocked them down a couple of notches on the cool scale.

I laughed.

A little while later, one of the kids from the "gang" comes up to some other kid with a standard length long-sleeve white shirt and tries to throw some fashion police intimidation at him. He says, "Man, that shirt is short as hell." The kid responds, "What? Fuck your long shirts. That shit is stupid."

I laughed.

My prediction: After such harsh humiliation in September 2004, the urban gangs of NYC will convert their style in 2005 to khakis and polo shirts.


I'm not big on conspiracy theories. You start thinking of conspiracy theories too often and you will find yourself moving to a weapon stocked cabin in the middle of Montana and wearing aluminum foil on your head to protect you from the prying eyes of "big brother." Everyone knows the government is sketchy, and sometimes it is just easier to not think about it, but in case you do want to think ... click here.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Joss A Little Something

I tell my friend/co-worker Mike that despite his blog being pretty entertaining, he could make it much better -- you know, bring it to a whole new level -- simply by adding some photos of Joss Stone like this guy did. His blog is in Spanish which I am quite the opposite of fluent in, and photos of Joss made it much more understandable for me.

I checked out her web site and listened to a couple of her tunes. Not really my cup of tea, but obviously she can sing. She's like an American Idol winner except with talent and from England. My next door neighbor at work (the person who sits next to me), Gena and I both decided she sounds much like Taylor Dayne of "Tell It To My Heart" fame.

Anyway, I don't really have a point to all of this. I just haven't written anything in a while and felt it was time to spew something.

In an ironic(?) twist ... it turns out that Joss Stone appears to be on a media blitzkrieg, so soon you will be seeing her so often you will want to throw up, kill her or maybe just buy her album. So strange how you never see, hear or speak of someone and then all of a sudden they are everywhere.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Mo Kids, Mo Money, Mo Problems

I know I have poked some fun/complained about P. Diddy in the past (he's still there, by the way), but this time (see story below) I am on his side ... sort of. Sure the money should probably be equal, but I just have to wonder what the amounts of money being discussed even look like. The greed and out-of-touchness with reality are out of control.

To put all this in perspective, one of P. Diddy's baby mommas currently receives $5,000 a month while the other receives $35,000 a month. The one who gets (only) $5,000 now wants a matching check of $35,000. With a little quick figuring (with a calculator) it seems that the $5,000 a month equals $60,000 a year to pay for this child and she needs to increase this amount to $35,000 a month which would bump things up to $420,ooo a year? And that money is just for the child right? Riiiiight.

Just so you know "celebrities," $60,000 is more then "normal" people make in a year for busting their asses at work. As a matter of fact, it is about twice the average salary for the U.S. of A. and at least $10,000 more then average for people in the NY metropolitan area. Something is not right about all that.

If I can scam $420,000 a year for the next (at least) 18 years, I think I might be willing to have P. Diddy's child ... hell, I think I would maybe even do it for $60,000.

From The Associated Press:
Sep 10, 8:18 AM EDT
Combs Says Increase in Child Support Crazy

NEW YORK (AP) -- The baby mama drama just won't stop for P. Diddy. The mogul also known as Sean Combs says he's hurt that the mother of his first child has gone to court to increase his child support payments, claiming that "it's ridiculous to think any of my kids would want for anything."

Combs called The Associated Press on Thursday night to talk about the legal action filed against him by Misa Hylton-Brim, the mother of their 10-year-old son, Justin.
"We've had a great relationship, and then all of the sudden I got hit with a lawsuit for more money," he said.

In August, a Westchester County magistrate ordered Combs to increase his child support from a reported $5,000 per month to about $35,000. That's the same amount he pays to model Kim Porter, the mother of his second child, Christian. Combs and Porter are currently "together."

Hylton-Brim is a fashion stylist for Lil' Kim and other stars. A message left for her attorney after hours was not immediately returned.

But Combs said he has always paid her more than $5,000 per month, a figure he says the pair agreed to years earlier. Combs said he has paid for his son's schooling, medical care, clothes and anything else his child wanted.

"My son goes to the best schools, he has full-time tutors," he said - not to mention the restaurants he named after the boy. "I wouldn't know what else to do to give my son."
Combs, who is appealing the $35,000-per-month ruling, claims Hylton-Brim is only seeking more money because she's in the process of getting a divorce from her husband, with whom she has children.

"It's not about child support, it's about adult support," he said. "I love the mother of my first child. I would never want to do anything to hurt her, but I have to defend the kind of father that I am."

At one point, when Porter and Combs were not together, she also went to court to raise her child support payments, which at the time were a court-ordered $11,000 per month.

Is Hylton-Brim seeking parity with Porter?

"The fact is," Combs said, "that the mother of my first child gets more money than the mother of my second child."

Although Combs likened Hylton-Brim's case to extortion, he said he had no ill feelings against her.

"I'm always going to respect her for being the mother of my child," he said, "but at the same time, that don't mean she has to be right."

Thursday, September 9, 2004

Puppy Vengeance

Hey Alanis Morissette! Do you think this story is ironic? Well, whether it is or isn't, this certainly is justice at its finest:

From The Associated Press:
Sep 9, 8:08 AM EDT
Dog Wiggles Paw Free to Shoot Florida Man

PENSACOLA, Fla. (AP) -- A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger.

Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, was charged with felony animal cruelty, the Escambia County Sheriff's Office said Wednesday. He was being treated at a hospital for a gunshot wound to his wrist.

Bradford said he decided to shoot the 3-month-old shepherd-mix dogs in the head because he couldn't find them a home, according to the sheriff's office.

On Monday, Bradford was holding two puppies - one in his arms and another in his left hand - when the dog in his hand wiggled and put its paw on the trigger of the .38-caliber revolver. The gun then discharged, the sheriff's report said.

Deputies found three of the puppies in a shallow grave outside Bradford's home, said sheriff's Sgt. Ted Roy.

The other four appeared to be in good health and were taken by Escambia County Animal Control, which planned to make them available for adoption.

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

Roy Horn is Bernie Lomax

The cast of "Weekend at Bernies III"

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

Fearless Quote

As mentioned last week, Tuesday is now the day I will be doling out a quote of the week. Well, Tuesday is once again upon us and this week the quote of the week comes from everybody's friends The Insane Clown Posse. Love 'em or hate 'em, their humor, violence, stupidity, and marketing genius can do nothing but impress. This particular verse brings a smile to my face everytime ...

Are you scared?
Are you scared, bitch?
Are you scared of ghosts?
I'm not scared of ghosts
As a matter of fact, I'll summon a ghost with this Oujia board
And as soon as it shows up, I'll slap it
I'll go to Alaska, bitch slap a polar bear, and take it's food
I'll mow the fucking lawn, of a land-mine field like what ... boom
I'll roll an M-80 up in some papers, and smoke that shit up
I'll share a dirty heroin needle, with that dirty bitch Courtney Love
I'll run around the white house lawn, naked and screaming and busting shots at it
I'll scratch my back with a chainsaw ... oh yeah ... mmm ... got it
I'll walk through Compton alone, sporting Wranglers and a cowboy hat
I'll headbutt a fucking unicorn ... come here bitch, ugh ... damn
I'll stand on a stump, and let you trim my toenails with an axe
I'll sucker punch a gorilla, and try to run with a banana hanging out my ass
I'll fucking become pen pals with the unibomber, and let him send me packages
I'll drive an ice cream truck through Ethiopia

- "Fearless" by Insane Clown Posse


Someone got to today by searching on Google for "woman strip search grab ankles" I doubt that I assisted in their quest, but I hope their internet dreams came true.

Monday, September 6, 2004


According to Embassy of the United States of America as posted on, Labor Day began like this:

On September 5, 1882 the first Labor Day parade was held in New York City. Twenty thousand workers marched in a parade up Broadway. They carried banners that read "LABOR CREATES ALL WEALTH," and "EIGHT HOURS FOR WORK, EIGHT HOURS FOR REST, EIGHT HOURS FOR RECREATION!" After the parade there were picnics all around the city. Workers and celebrants ate Irish stew, homemade bread and apple pie. At night, fireworks were set off. Within the next few years, the idea spread from coast to coast, and all states celebrated Labor Day. In 1894, Congress voted it a federal holiday.

Guess where I am on this Labor Day 2004 ...

... at work.

Friday, September 3, 2004

Despite All My Rage ...

... I Am Still Just A Rat In A Cage ~~

I was watching the news this morning and they were talking about all of the arrests from the protesting during the Republican National Convention. They interviewd this one woman who was arrested and held for 44 hours in the over at pier 57. She said, "It was a nightmare. They had us in cages with barbed wire across the top." She also referred to the makeshift jail as Guantanamo On The Hudson.

There are a few points I'd like to address:

  1. I'm quite sure your stupid hippie ass deserved to get arrested.
  2. If it were Guantanamo you would have received bitchin' orange jumpsuits to wear
  3. Nightmare? I don't really think it was a nightmare. If you want nightmare you should have spent your 44 hours in a real prison so you could experience ass whoopings, shankings and unwanted butt sex. Your 44 hours was like a fucking picnic compared to what it could (and should) have been.

Nobody cares about your complaining. Your protest was stupid and so are you!

Don't forget to vote in November!

Thursday, September 2, 2004


I was in Tompkins Square Park yesterday, and there was some little girls, maybe about 5 years old, who clearly didn't know each other up until that moment but were playing on the playground equipment as though they were best friends. I am sitting nearby, so the one girl, assuming that I am some sort of guardian figure decides to strike up conversation with me as her subject. I sat quietly:

Girl 1: Is that your dad?
Girl 2: No.

Girl 1: Is that your uncle?
Girl 2: No.

Girl 1: Your friend?
Girl 2: No.

Girl 1: A person?
Girl 2: No.

Not a person? Thanks a lot little girl.