Saturday, December 31, 2005

Ritual End

It's the end of the year 2005. Isn't it time for some sort of recap or something? Well, I don't know if I'm up for all that, but I'll give a small list of my favorite albums/concerts in 2005. Just in the name of required posting.

Please note, that I'm not necessarily saying these are the best albums or concerts. I'm saying they're the ones I enjoyed the most. There is a big difference.

Here you go (in no particular order):

Favorite Albums of 2005
Mindless Self Indulgence - You'll Rebel To Anything
Roadrunner United - The All Star Sessions
Better Than Ezra - Before The Robots
Luce - Never Ending
Gorillaz - Demon Days
Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine
Mudvayne - Lost And Found
Ill Nino - One Nation Underground
Rise Against - Siren Song Of The Counter Culture

Favorite Concerts of 2005
Collective Soul @ Irving Plaza, New York, NY
Roadrunner United @ The Nokia Theatre, New York, NY
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers @ B.B. King's, New York, NY
Mindless Self Indulgence @ Webster Hall, New York, NY
Better Than Ezra @ Irving Plaza,New York, NY
the amber code @ Brooklyn Music Terminal, New York, NY

Happy 2006, jerks!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Nelson Keeps 'Em On

Have you noticed the We All Have AIDS posters around? I have seen them here and there, and twice tonight while waiting for a subway I got to have a look at one real close like.

Each poster had a slightly different configuration of celebs and dignitaries standing there in their black and white glory. Both posters had a common denominator of Nelson Mandela. Now, the thing that stuck me most (and maybe this is shallow to be slightly overlooking the AIDS message), was that Nelson Mandela was the only one wearing shoes. Everyone else was sans footwear. Even "Dame Elizabeth Taylor" got down to just feet.

What's up with Nelson's shoe-wearin' feet?

I see he has a cane, but what is going on down there? Fungus? Sores? Athlete's foot? I'd like to even think that perhaps his legs are fake. Nelson Mandela with one of those Cheetah style legs would be cool.

Obviously I don't know what the deal is, but if someone else does I'd love to hear it.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Something Looks a Bit Fake

My name is Tori Spelling and I love my fake tits! Hooray me!!!

Actress Tori Spelling arrives at the fifteenth annual Soap Opera Digest Awards in Los Angeles in this February 26, 2005 file photo. Months after splitting from her first husband, former 'Beverly Hills, 90210' star Tori Spelling is engaged to her new boyfriend, actor Dean McDermott, celebrity magazines Us Weekly and People reported on December 27, 2005. REUTERS/FSP/Rose Prouser/Files

Monday, December 26, 2005

Ho Ho Hanukkah

Happy Hanukkah (or Chanukah, Hannukah, Hanukah, Chanuka, Chanukkah, Hanuka, Channukah, Hanukka, hang, hang, and Haines, depending upon your preference) to all my Hanukkah celebratin' peeps.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Worst Hangover Ever

And this is why you don't run out on a football field and head for the opposing team's bench during a game:

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison slams a fan to the turf after he ran onto the field during the fourth quarter of the Steelers' 41-0 NFL win over the Cleveland Browns Saturday, Dec. 24, 2005, in Cleveland. (AP Photo/Tony Dejak)

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas to all my Christmas celebratin' peeps.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Finally Something Funny

Did anyone watch Saturday Night Live this past weekend? As usual, it wasn't very funny, but there was a rap by Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg that had me dying. Check it ~here~


Dear Transport Workers of America, Local 100,

Go fuck yourselves.

Me (and everybody else that your greedy asses are inconveniencing today and beyond -- pretty much everyone who lives in the New York Metropolitan area)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

3rd Street Development

All this talk in the news yesterday and today about Arrested Development made me realize that I didn't even mention my big star sighting while I was in L.A.

What an idiot I am!

The first day in L.A., I was walking along the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica, just checking out the scene and who is standing there talking on the phone? Tony Hale aka Buster Bluth!

It was all I could do to play it cool and not go take a photo or tell him Arrested Development was the only thing worth watching on television and that Fox must be retarded to be canceling it or at least mumble, "Hey, brother" while I walked by.

That L.A. sure is somethin'.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Take A Looksee

Here are some selected photos from my New York --> Denver --> Los Angeles --> New York journey (if you want to see more let me know and I can send you a link with the whole lot):

The Denver Airport is one of the best airports I have ever been in. It is new, well lit, has decent food/shopping options and my favorite plus -- bathrooms that serve an extra function from most. The bathrooms are also tornado shelters! So, if tornados make you feel like you might shit your pants, no problem.

Pee and shelter

Here is a shot I took at the Avalanche vs. Sabers game in Denver. Marek Svatos works some magic on a penalty shot to tie the game up. The crowd went apeshit. I blew up the actual goal in the lower left corner there, so you can see my luck skill of catching the puck just as it crosses the line. Pretty sweet.

It's in the goal

As you can see from the difficulty my friend Scott is having in this photo, in Denver pool can be quite challenging.

Distractions from all sides.

This doesn't really have much of a story. I just liked the shot.

Garden at the Getty Center

We went to see this fella, Hodges Taylor at The Mint. He's not bad, and he photographs really funky.

Streaky Hodges

One day while Gabe (who I was visiting in L.A.) was working, I gave his bike a quick tuning and went for a ride. Here I am at the beach in Venice. Just a little bit before this timer shot of yours truly, there was some beach punk trying to tag the path on the beach. I rode right through his work, much to his dislike. I have some hope that incident will rekindle the East Coast/West Coast rap feud.

Bill and bike

I think this might be the best star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame:

The stars at night, are big and bright, clap clap clap clap ...

As some of you know, Gabe only learned to drive right before he bailed out of NYC. Look at him now! Driving on the P.C.H. with two passengers ... with only one hand!

The Natural
And that is all for now...

End communication.

I Don't Need Your News

In the last class I took, my professor was constantly stressing how important it is to keep updated on the news and current events. Well, while I was away I managed to know practically nothing about current events and everything worked out just fine.

Education is for suckers.

In response to Kenneth, the trip went well. It was fun to hang with Gabe and Matt. Nothing gay happened and so far I don't seem to have any staph-related funk or anything else that requires medical attention. I think there is some sort of incubation period though, so I'm not counting myself cootie free yet.

Assorted photos to follow.

Monday, December 12, 2005


In case any of you have been wondering, I have been away on a little vacation. Out in Denver and then Los Angeles. Perhaps I'll share with you some details/photos later if I get into the spirit.

On my flight home last night (actually early this morning) I had a window seat. As we neared planet Earth, I looked out the window to see if I could tell where we were exactly. I look down, and what is below me? My place of employment.

Work. What a crappy "Welcome to the End of Your Vacation" that is.

Thursday, December 1, 2005

Out Damn Spot

I was just downstairs in my building doing laundry. There is an older woman also doing laundry and I notice that after she put her wet clothes into the dryer, she busts out a can of Lysol® Disenfectant Spray. She gives the whole mouth of the dryer a spray and then gives a quick blast into the dryer over her clothes. I was at first thinking that maybe she had some sort of germ issue, but then thought better of it. Ya know, maybe she knows a laundry secret I don't, or perhaps she just likes the way that Lysol Spring Waterfall® Scent makes her clothes smell.

Then as she is walking back over to the washers for more of her stuff, she sprays her hands. Holy Crap! Sprays her fucking hands with Lysol®! I guess she really does have a germ issue. I hope I never get wacky like that.

Germ issue or not, I can't imagine that spraying your hands with Lysol® is good good for you.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Dark Side

Dare I say that Charlize Theron should stick with the dark hair?

Maybe it's the whole sci-fi secret agent thing and not just the hair, but I think it is a change for the better.

Monday, November 28, 2005

That's A Nice Package You've Got

As if there isn't enough marketing brilliance in the name and pitch alone, check out the different names for the different quantity packages in the "Suggested Retail price" section. Fantastic. One 'Weekender' please.

Dress to Impress With New HUGE Brand Condoms
The Condom with the Slightly Larger Package
SAINT PETERSBURG, Fla., Nov. 28 /PRNewswire/ -- HUGE Brand, Inc. today announced availability of its signature product, HUGE Brand Condoms. Designed for every man, HUGE Brand condoms are no larger than most standard condoms but bear the HUGE name and are placed in slightly larger packaging.

Engineered to be safe and fun, HUGE condoms are a great alternative to traditional "corporate" condoms and are packaged with a clever ego boost built into every purchase. What man doesn't want to be HUGE?

"HUGE condoms are designed to provide great protection, and are packaged to give a witty, clever edge to the product," said Dexter Gabbard, founder of HUGE Brand, Inc. "We believe in bringing fun to safe sex. Initial sales figures tell us that many men and women appreciate our enabling them to buy HUGE condoms."

HUGE Brand condoms are manufactured by combining the finest latex raw material with advanced manufacturing technology. The result is a high quality, durable condom that is soft to the touch. Each HUGE condom must meet rigorous quality standards and are individually tested. For example, each HUGE Brand condom must pass an electronic pinhole test, as well as an electrolytic water leakage tests to ensure that each condom will bring the utmost in reliability and quality.

This marks the initial introduction of HUGE Brand condoms into the market with plans to launch nationally, with additional products, in 2006.

Product Specifications

HUGE Brand condoms are lubricated latex condoms and feature the classic shape, smooth parallel-sides, a reservoir tip and are non-spermicidal (N-9 FREE). When used properly, they provide the utmost in protection from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Quality Standard

FDA Approved. 100% electronically tested. Conforms with WHO 1998 or EN600 or ISO 4074 or ASTM.

Suggested Retail price:
$2.49 for the Nightcap (3 pack), $7.99 for the Weekender (12 pack) and $14.99 for the Extended Stay (36 pack).

About HUGE Brand, Inc

HUGE Brand, Inc. was founded in 2004 to become the alternative to traditional corporate condoms by bringing fun to safe sex. HUGE Brand condoms are currently available through select stores in Florida and via the Web at

Puzzling Photo

My parents were in town this past Tuesday through Saturday for Thanksgiving plus bonus days on each end. That all went well, including the Alton Brown inspired turkey (if you'd like to borrow my brinein' bucket just let me know).

On Saturday, before my parents left, we did some wondering and wound up at Grand Central. While we gawked at the ceiling and the other tourists someone came and asked if I would take a photo of their little group. I agreed. Now, I'd like to add, the arrival of digital cameras has really taken the fun out of this ritual. Now there is no surprise as to whether a random stranger took a good photo for you or not. Now you just know immediately. The fear, the wonderment and the fun, all gone. Damn you, technology!! Damn you all to hell. Anyway, after I took the photo, I headed back home and left my parents to fend for themselves until they got on their train. My mother (who talks to anyone and everyone) calls me later on that evening to let me know that she ran into the woman in the group I photographed in one of the GTC stores and (of course) had struck up a bit of a conversation. As it turns out, one of the guys in the photograph was this guy.

That's right! I am a photographer of celebrities and don't you forget it.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

'Tis The Season

The holiday season starts off with violence as an innocent nutcracker statue is sliced in half, extremities brutally removed, and left for dead:

A tourist looks in horror at the pained face of a nutcracker after a brutal attack outside of the UBS building on 6th Avenue, New York, NY. No suspects have been named as of press time.

Monday, November 21, 2005

100 Years Too Long

Wow, Bono. You must be the most humble man on the planet ...

In an interview on "60 Minutes" the U2 frontman predicted that his music will still be around in 100 years, explaining that his songs occupy "an emotional terrain that didn't exist before our group did."

Thursday, November 17, 2005

How Now Horned Cow?

See the cow in this photo?

Assemblyman Bob Reilly poses with his Kerry bull at the Shaker Farm in Colonie.
(Cindy Schultz / Times Union)

Well, back when I was living upstate, a couple of my co-workers and I would often drive past this cow (and a couple of his cow buddies) and often the discussion would evolve into wondering (A) What the hell were they doing in that field since there wasn't really an owner-type residence in sight and (B) Would it be possible to ride one of them. We also used to affectionately refer to these cows as yaks. We knew they weren't yaks, but we also knew that these weren't you're average cows, plus yak is fun to say.

So, question (A) has been resolved thanks to the attached article. Question (B) on the other hand is not discussed in the article, but I once did try to solve that mystery without the assistance of the media.

After a night of boozing -- a lot of boozing -- someone brought up the stupid yaks. We decided that the time was perfect for riding one of those fuckers. Miraculously, there was a non-drinker that night, so a few of us piled into a car in search of cowboy dreams.

We get to the yak field and I start to realize that this is a stupid idea. The yaks are way bigger up close then they appear when driving by them at 40 MPH. Also, the horns are long. And pointy. I can only imagine a trip to either the hospital, the local holding cell or both.

Nevertheless, I decide that we've motivated to do this deed, so there is no backing out. The field is surrounded by an electric fence. I touch the fence quickly to see if it is on. A quick tap. Nothing. Another quick tap. Nothing again. I hit it a third time and ZAP! It's on. That shit hurts. My arm was numb and tingly feeling for the rest of the night. So, from that little lesson I decided that the only way to get to the cows was over the fence with no contact. I do a drunken head first dive over the fence, hit the ground and somersault up to my feet.

Now I hate to have an anti-climatic ending here, but upon entering the cow side of the fence the riding idea died right out. The cow was about two strides away from me. Now I'm no animal psychologist, but I was getting a pretty strong vibe from looking into those big cow eyes that if I got any closer Either that or I'm just a good old fashioned chicken shit.

After a brief staredown with the cow I flung my ass back over the fence, rode home and continued partying with my electric fence-numbed arm. So, as it turns out, our question (B) wasn't solved as we would have liked.

Anyway, I'm glad someone wrote this article so I now know a little bit more about the cows/yaks, plus it triggered some relaxing memories about how retarded I used to be (and sometimes still am as evidenced by my antics last Friday night -- man was I drunk).

From the November 16, 2005 Times Union

Tending to his small herd, lawmaker aids efforts to preserve Irish-native Kerry cows

By PAUL GRONDAHL, Staff writer
First published: Wednesday, November 16, 2005

COLONIE, N.Y. -- Assemblyman Bob Reilly has taken on plenty of battles in his political career. But nothing prepared Reilly for his quixotic quest to help preserve a beleaguered heritage breed of cow.

The lawmaker's passion is Kerry cattle, one of the oldest domesticated breeds. It probably descended from the Celtic Shorthorn and was brought to Ireland around 2,000 B.C.

"I see the Kerry cow as a metaphor for the small family farm in America," Reilly says.

"I've made it my mission to try to keep Kerry cattle from going out of business and the way of the small family farm," he adds as he watches his 4-year-old bull, named Kerry, graze in the wan November sunshine in a pasture at the Shaker Heritage Society farm. The plot is sandwiched between Albany International Airport, the Ann Lee Nursing Home and the old Heritage Park baseball stadium.

On his way into work at his Assembly office, Reilly drives from his suburban home a few miles away in Colonie to drop off hay and replenish the water.

Kerry, a smallish, jet-black bull, shares the pasture with a large, white and black-spotted Holstein ox named Peter, who's owned by another farmer.

"By fall, there's not much grass left in the pasture and these two big fellas get mighty hungry," Reilly says.

The assemblyman was preparing to have the pair of cattle transported this week for the winter to a dairy farm in Schoharie County that has indoor barn facilities.

"What Bob's doing here is very important," says Starlyn D'Angelo, executive director of the Shaker Heritage Society.

"We rely on Bob to take care of the cows because we don't have the staff to do it," she says. "The animals add to the historical ambience and enhance our interpretation of the Shaker site. Visitors always stop to watch them grazing in the field. They're beautiful and the kids love them."

Reilly, a Democrat who represents Colonie in the 109th Assembly District, is a former president of the Shaker Heritage Society. The former Albany County legislator retired from the state Department of Education where he ran the public broadcasting office, before winning an Assembly seat last year.

Shakers actively farmed on the Colonie site from the late-18th century until 1924. The decline in their agrarian fortunes mirrored the demise of the Kerry cow.

Reilly took a shine to the plucky little bovine during annual trips to Ireland for golf and sightseeing. Those vacations carried him through Killarney, County Kerry, and the headquarters of the Kerry Cattle Society.

There he met the society's secretary, G.R. Hilliard, the world's foremost expert on the breed and a one-woman global booster for Ireland's native dairy breed.

"She's become my guru," Reilly says.

She convinced Reilly that becoming a Kerry cattle breeder in the heart of suburbia was doable, and not the domain of Saint Jude -- patron saint of lost causes.

Reilly, 65, the son of a steamfitter whose roots are in County Waterford, grew up with five siblings on Partridge Street in Albany's Pine Hills neighborhood.

He's drawn to the underdog.

The Kerry cow was imported to the U.S. in 1818 and grew in popularity through the 1920s. It later fell out of favor to higher-producing Holstein dairy cows.

A Kerry cow produces about 7,000 pounds of milk a year, compared to about 20,000 pounds for a Holstein. From a purely economic standpoint, the Kerry didn't stand a chance.

Only about 200 Kerry cattle remained worldwide in 1983. With the efforts of the Kerry Cattle Society, about 500 registered Kerry cattle exist worldwide today -- about 50 of which are in the U.S.

Five of the Kerry cattle belong to Reilly, who keeps his other four on a 1,000-head Holstein dairy farm owned by relatives in Steuben County.

The accidental cattle rancher got involved with the Kerry heritage breed six years ago. It wasn't easy.

Reilly bought his first Kerry in Alberta, Canada, and shipped it 3,000 miles. It took nearly a year to import Kerry semen from Ireland.

His first foray into breeding resulted in three Kerry cows: one died, one doesn't calf and one is now pregnant. The other two were bulls.

"I've stopped counting how much this has cost me," Reilly says. "What's important is preserving genetic diversity. I prefer the small, family farms of Ireland to American agribusiness."

Reilly believes preserving heritage cattle breeds like the Kerry also amount to an insurance policy against hoof-and-mouth and other diseases that spread rapidly through huge, highly automated dairy and beef operations.

Reilly looks the part of a gentleman farmer one recent afternoon, with his Brittany spaniel, Bud, at his side. He stops to feed grain to his cow and to slip a rope halter around Kerry's horned head.

This takes some doing -- the 180-pound legislator dances as Kerry, the balky bull, feints and dodges.

Eventually, Reilly lassos the recalcitrant bovine for a photo.

"I think he's a beautiful animal," Reilly says. "You have to love heritage breeds to go to all this trouble."

Paul Grondahl can be reached at 454-5623 or by e-mail at

Man, that was a long post ...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Eye Don't Like That

I'd let the "scampering rats and stray cats and dogs" slide, but after this, I'm going to have to stop having my medical procedures done in India ...

Ants Eat Away Woman's Eye in Hospital
Tue Nov 15,10:26 AM ET

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - A woman receiving treatment for diabetes at a state-run hospital in eastern India lost one of her eyes after ants nibbled away at it, officials said on Tuesday.

The patient recovering from a post-surgery infection shrieked for help as the ants attacked her on Sunday night, but nurses told her it was normal to feel pain from the infection.

On Monday, the patient's family saw a gaping hole with swarming ants in it when they lifted the bandage on her left eye.

Authorities of the Sambhunath Hospital in Kolkata said they were probing the incident.

"It's not uncommon for ants to attack diabetic patients. We have set up a committee to investigate the unfortunate incident," hospital superintendent A. Adhikary said.

Scampering rats and stray cats and dogs sharing bed space with patients are not uncommon sights at India's overcrowded state-run hospitals that are used by millions of poor and middle-class people.
= = = = = = = = = = =
Kent Brockman: It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

Monday, November 7, 2005

Peace For Some, Hoods For All

I was e-mailed the following photo from my buddy Tas who is off in Iraq doing his thing. Tas says, "Just want to start getting the word out about what we really do here."

The kids in the photo are Shiites after receiving clothing donated by Americans (not only do we get Saddam off their backs, but we hook them up with some clothes too).

That kid on the left loves the new hood he received. Rumor has it the rest of the jacket is somewhere in that bag. The kid on the right probably isn't going to get shit because his hood-wearing older brother isn't going to share, but he remains in good spirits. "Thumbs up bitches!"

But seriously, take it from Tas who is actually sitting right there in the middle of it all and not just watching CNN like the rest of us slobs, the U.S. is doing some good over in Iraq and cleaning shit up slowly but surely. So keep up your support and maybe the donated hoods and jeans will convince the suicide bombers to cut the shit and we can get our troops home soon (or at least concentrate on hunting Bin Laden a bit).

Thanks Tas. Keep that head of yours on a swivel and tell all the guys with you that we appreciate their efforts.

Saturday, November 5, 2005

Everyone Likes Proposals

God knows there are already enough political bloggers out there and God knows in most cases I could give zero shits about politicians and political ways, but seeing that election day is coming up, I would like to give this brief political rant/suggestion for my voting New York Staters and even more so, New York Cityers. Here it is: Vote 'Yes' on the Transportation Bond Act.

I'm sure someone will manage to piss away the money received, but it is worth a shot, no? Roads need to be fixed (which I really don't care much about), and this will assist in that, but more importantly, this might give us a chance at better subway, bus and commuter rail options. That means cleaner air, less irritating commutes, more AirTrain and even better shit for you jerks on Long Island.

The cons? Well, some say the state is already too far in debt and we shouldn't be adding more. I say, "Who gives a shit!?" The state is always in debt. Hell, so is the nation. This will help us long-term, so just run that debt up!

Here are some details (if you think these are too one-sided, I'm sure you can find more pros and cons with a little research):
The MTA:
Transportation Alternatives:
A WNYC news brief:

Happy voting.

Not Really Accomplishing Much

"Oooh, I hate that President Bush and all of his stupid American money and stupid ideas. I know ... I'll kick in a bank window in my own country. Then I'll smash and burn other shit too. That should teach Bush a serious lesson!"

A protester kicks in a window of a bank during a march against the presence of U.S. President George W. Bush in the Fourth Summit of the Americas in the Atlantic resort city of Mar del Plata, Argentina on Friday Nov. 4, 2005. (AP Photo/Dado Galdieri)

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

He's Still Fun

I just scrolled back a couple of days. Man, that Keggy makes me laugh.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Halloween Mouth

I had a blue Charms lollipop on my ride home from work today. I stop by the ol' Duane Reede along the way to get the kiddies some candy (in the event that any come knocking).

The girl at the register says to me, "I see you've already been into the candy."

I think she is referring to the candy I am purchasing, so I say, "What, is one of the bags open?"

She responded, "No, your mouth is all blue."

I get home and realize that she was quite correct.

Backlash from the delicious flavor of blue.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

License To Look Nuts

Normally if you saw someone with their hair all out of sorts like this and making this face, you would think they were psychotic, but luckily I'm a movie star, so this is considered stylish.

Mena Suvari

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Risky Rules

This past Saturday I was in the big Toys "R" Us in Times Square. My nephew was in town, and when he is around, a trip to T.R.U. is always a given. Anyway, as I was wondering around the sea of drooling little kids and I hear this discussion coming from a group of four dorky teenagers:

#1: So I was thinking we should make rules later for Risk

#2: Rules? Hmmmm ... well, yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

Um, cool? I doubt that.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Crazy Like a Fox or Crazy Like a Keg?

I don't want to complain, because my college years were a good time, but sometimes I wish I had gone somewhere different for my higher education. Maybe somewhere bigger or further away from home or with sports teams that make it to bowl games or partake in March Madness, etc. Well, add another thing I didn't take into consideration when making my educational decision. Mascot.

I wound up with the Red Fox as my mascot, which isn't horrible, but look at the "unofficial" mascot of Dartmouth:

It seems pretty great at first glance, but then it gets even better. The mascot's name is "Keggy."

Awesome! I bet that mother fucker can get sports fans fired up or if no sports are in sight, can get a party started before most mascots can even get their big furry heads on.

If only I had studied while in high school. I may have been at an Ivy League school with Keggy instead of hanging out in Poughkeepsie with a fox.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Slacking Like A Champ

I know I haven't posted anything in forever and I'd like to thank the anonymous supporter who left this note of encouragement for me. So, as to not be a complete slob, I figured I would at least post this response to the comment. Here you go. I'm blogging again! Woooooooo!!

I don't really have a reason for the lack of posts other than just a general lack of interesting shit to report. I haven't witnessed anything astounding, memorable or even entertaining. I haven't even had any deep thoughts or insights to pollute the world with.


This weekend I have a football game with some jokers I work with on the agenda as well as some in-laws visiting, so hopefully that will lend some shit that will fix this writers block ... or writers apathy as is probably more accurate. We'll see. Until then, try to stay strong and check back often. You can also browse the links down the right side of the page. Perhaps you'll find something of value there.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Oh, herro ...

I've been slacking, I know.

Thursday, October 6, 2005

i - Dot

The other day at work we got an e-mail from an angry client. This isn't all that unusual, as someone is always pissed at something. I don't want to reveal too many details as I don't like to incriminate myself with work-based information (hence the "*"), but the gist of this guy's anger was the fact that a phone number was altered on a document that was sent to us that shouldn't have been.

The irritated client isn't funny. God knows I'm all about customer service, and messing shit up is not good. What is funny though, is the third paragraph. I love the sarcastic "Thanks." That's funny. Even better is a simple spelling, or more likely, a typing error. Spelling errors really take the steam out of a furious e-mail. Using the word "iDot" is now all the rage for me in situations where "idiot" would normally be used.


I called to get this release corrected. I would appreciate confirmation when the correction is sent. I just spoke to the *********** ** office and they confirmed that the number that you changed it to before distribution does not work in the UK.

Everything would have been fine in the release but for some unexplained reason the ** bureau dropped the leading 0 from our phone number. A representative said that it was what you had to do to call the number from the US, I agree, but this is a UK distribution.

This release was our grand announcement and now we look like culturally insensitive idots. Thanks.

I don't think I should be charged for the terrible error nor the correction that must be issued.


Tuesday, October 4, 2005

Gift of Gab

As I sit and watch the Yankees vs. Angels tonight, one thought keeps coming to mind. "Hey announcers. Try shutting the fuck up for two seconds." Blah, blah, blah, all game long.

I'm talking to you, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Especially you McCarver.

Drunk, But Still Hip-Hoppin'

Monday night I went to Hip-Hop Karaoke for some old school fun. My favorite part of the night, was when this girl gets up on stage to do the song she has signed up for. She tells the crowd that she is drunk. Everyone enjoyed that, of course. Then she tells the guy who runs the karaoke (and assists those who need extra vocal help) that she is a lawyer. The guy finds it rather cool that right in front of him, he's got a drunk lawyer who likes hip-hop.

The girl says, "Number one, I'm a lawyer. Number two? I'm drunk. And number three? I loooove Tribe Called Quest." The music starts.

So, what could have been the coolest intro to a great karaoke performance, was pretty much an honest intro followed by a drunk girl on stage occasionally adding lyrics when her brain allowed.

It was pretty funny, but the crowd was polite. I guess you have to give credit to those who have the guts to get on stage, unlike myself who steered clear of embarrassment. Maybe next time.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Swagger In The Slammer

I have never given a shit about her music, but how I miss the good ol' days when Lil Kim was running around celebrities, fans and photographers all braless and carefree. Now that she is locked up for being an idiot, I guess we won't be seeing any of her craziness for awhile.

Lil Kim MTV Music Video Awards New York 9/9/99
Pic Credit: WENN/ Sidewalk

Her lawyer, L. Londell McMillan said, "I was amazed at just how good Kim looked on my two visits to see her in prison last week. Even in a jumpsuit, Kim still has the style and swagger of a star ... "

Somehow I have a hard time believing that inmate 56198-054 FDC has the same style and swagger at the Philadelphia Detention Center, sporting jail duds (short sleeve, green button down shirt along with green pants and slippers) as she did when she was free.

Stay strong Lil Kim. You'll be out of prison before you know it and right back to making a spectacle of yourself and making shitty music too.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Some New Tunes

In the numb-mouthed aftermath of my visit with the dentist I strolled in to Best Buy and exited with some new tunes -- the first I have purchased in months (if you overlook my V.I. purchase from last month). Here's what I got (clockwise, from upper left):

Rise Against - Siren Song Of The Counter Culture
Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine
Better Than Ezra - Before The Robots
Blackalicious - The Craft

A nice variety, no? Ask for a listen if you'd like.

And by the way ... $9.99 each at Best Buy. That certainly is nicer than the raping that Virgin Megastore hands out on a regular basis.

Day Off For Doctors

I took today off from work for a trip to the podiatrist and the dentist. So fun! Anyway, I did get some X-rays of my feet which was cool. It's not often you get to inspect your retarded bone structure in your feet.

I left $30 poorer, but did get some tape wrapped around my feet which feels nice.

At the dentist there was a new hygienist. Every other time I have been to this dentist he has just done the whole procedure himself, but apparently he is now living large enough to have someone else do his dirty work, so hygienist it is. I wound up getting a filling that I had managed to smash while sleeping fixed by the dentist though, so I didn't miss out on my quality time with him.

Anyway, the hygienist is busting my balls left and right. I think it was good humored busting, but you never can tell with hygienists. Very sneaky, they are. My dentist is very much the opposite of this, so it throws me off a bit.

First, while she is doing the X-rays (yes, more X-rays), she comments on my earrings, "Are you stretching our your ear holes?" I tell her that this is as big as I'm going and she says, "Good, because if they get big enough to fit my finger through I start getting grossed out and I don't think I'd be able to do my job."

Then when doing the cleaning, she is giving me the business about not flossing enough. I'm pretty much guilty as charged there. She goes continues on with, "Your gums shouldn't be bleeding this much unless you are involved with hormone therapy. I presume you're not?"

I got out of there $80 poorer, a numb right side of my mouth and a new found appreciation for being mocked by dental professionals.

A nice day to use the cash on my FSA (finally) and get my deteriorating body a bit of a tuneup.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Tickets Will Be In Demand

Personally, I like soccer, but God knows most Americans aren't, so Major League Soccer is always wondering how to get more asses into the seats at their games. Well, perhaps it's a bit too XFL, but maybe MLS should take a page from West Ham United's marketing book and add some cheerleading incentive to entice those who aren't so into the actual sport. Some cheerleaders, a tailor who cuts pants a bit too short, and BINGO! You've got yourself a crowd (and who knows, maybe some of the crowd will even grow to enjoy the game):

West Ham cheerleader
Soccer - FA Barclays Premiership - West Ham United v Aston Villa

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Hoff

I'm a sucker for bad white rappers, but I think this may very well have crossed the line. Just one step too far. Then why am I so intrigued?


Ice-T to Produce Hasselhoff Rap Album
Ice-T is to produce David Hasselhoff's first hip-hop album.

The pair are neighbours in Los Angeles and are said to have struck up a close friendship.

Hasselhoff has had some success as a singer, releasing seven albums. He's also said to be very popular in Germany.

Ice-T, who was one of the first real hip-hop stars in the late 1980s, said: "The man is a legend. And we are going to show a whole new side of him."

The rapper is said to be convinced that the 51-year-old for Knight Rider and Baywatch actor can take on the biggest names in rap, reports The Sun.

Ice-T added: "He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff -- I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."

Can't Win 'Em All

Well, I predicted right for the winner of American Idol, but I guess my big job I lined my self with as an A&R guy ain't happenin' yet. My predictions for the next singer for INXS were off by quite a bit.


Sunday, September 18, 2005

Battle of the God(s)

I wish I could have been in California yesterday so I could have joined the California Christians and help protest and possibly put a stop to these pagans.

The two sides differ a bit on their views of the third annual Pagan Pride celebration held on September 17, 2005 at Redwood Circle in the west side of Balboa Park, San Diego, Calif.:

Christians: There is an emergency need for prayer and fasting for central San Diego ... The activities of Pagan Pride are so vile, that this notice could not reveal everything in one writing that they do. Extreme witchcraft, curses, demonic rituals, sacrificial altars and occultism are just some of the highlighted events occurring at Pagan Pride. This is going on in Balboa Park in the same park where thousands of tourists will be as they visit the park and the San Diego Zoo. Hundreds of pagans, witches, warlocks, wiccans, psyhics and black magic practioners are all marching on the park for their demonic festival.

The Pagans: The price of admission is a donation of goods or funds to one of our worthy charities however, no one lacking a donation will be refused admission.

Pagan Pride events taking place across the country will be accepting donations for various charities to help during the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. Thousands of people are displaced with many towns destroyed. The hope of many lie with organizations like the American Red Cross to bring them clean water, food, shelter and clothing. We will be collecting monetary donations for the Red Cross to go directly to the hurricane relief. Please bring cash or your checkbook and give generously on September 17th!

Boy those pagans sure seem vile and full of satanic thoughts and actions. Donating food!? Making donations to the American Red Cross!? It's pure E-V-I-L!! They must be stopped!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Forever A Train Wreck

Is Courtney Love trying to look like Courtney Cox Arquette when she wears her "fat suit" on Friends?

Singer Courtney Love stands during her sentencing hearing in Superior Court in Los Angeles Friday, Sept. 16, 2005. Love was sentenced to 180 days in jail for violating probation in three criminal cases, but Judge Rand S. Rubin said she could serve the time at a live-in chemical dependency program. (AP Photo/Pool, Gene Blevins)

What a mess.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Noise For The Weekend

Ready for the weekend? Take a listen to this bit fantasticness and get your ass fired up for drinkin' or fightin' (or both) or whatever it is you do on your days off.

It is from the upcoming Roadrunner United The All Star Sessions release (in stores 10/11). The whole album will be tunes by teams of Roadrunner Records (where I once interned) artists -- current and former. Four "team captains" chose teams and recorded the tracks. The album will consist of 56 artists from 45 bands. This song comes from captain Robert Flynn. The players on this track:

Robert Flynn (Machine Head)- rhythm guitar/vocals
Andols Herrick (ex-Chimaira) - drums
Howard Jones (Killswitch Engage)- vocals
Jeff Waters (Annihilator) - lead guitar
Jordan Whelan (Still Remains) - rhythm guitar
Christian Olde Wolbers (Fear Factory) - bass

So much rock! It is ridiculous.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Alaska --> Iraq

I'd like to give a shout to former co-worker, neighbor and friend Brian P. aka Tas who is heading from his current land of ice, oil and caribou over to a less friendly land of sand, oil and (insert local animal here). In case you aren't putting the pieces together (which I'm sure you're not), that means from Alaska to Iraq.

Yup, Brian is going over to try to spread some love and democracy around the Middle East while keeping his eyes peeled for any bad guys.

I have definitely question this whole war issue from time to time, but I am also well aware of the crazy fuckers in the U.S. Military risking their lives in an attempt to keep our asses safe and free. I appreciate that.

Tas may be the only person I know that has the balls for such a commitment, and he is definitely the only person I know who will probably enjoy his time over there.

Good luck and keep your head on a swivel over there, Tas.

Still Refreshing?

I just picked me up tickets to go see Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers at B.B. King's this Saturday night. Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers are a reincarnation of The Refreshments.

Back in 1996, when I had first moved to NYC, my recently acquired friends/drinking compadres all got passes for the Macintosh Music Festival which was a week of concerts all over the city. You paid for a pass and the rock (or whatever else) was yours for the listening. The last night of the Fest I wound up at Roseland to see Seven Mary Three with openers The Refreshments. During the show my friends and I decided that if we got separated during the show or on the way out, which inevitably happens, that we would meet across the street.

I wound up being the first one out and got to the other side of the street. There is a guy standing outside of the place across the street who asks me if I am there for the show. Without having a clue as to what show this might be I say, "I could be." He asks if I have tickets and I tell him "No." The guy gives myself and the rest of my posse free tickets and in we go. As it turns out, apparently opening for Seven Mary Three hadn't been sufficient for The Refreshments so they were playing an acoustic gig. Sort of an unexpected concert doubleheader.

It was a really small crowd, I guess some would call it "intimate" and The Refreshments were pretty damn good and entertaining too. I wound up getting pretty drunk (surprise, surprise) and have been a fan ever since.

I don't really have a point to all of this. I'm just hoping that this new version of The Refreshments almost 10 years later will treat me just as well.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Now That's Marketing

Why nobody came up with this a long time ago is beyond me ...

MasterBaTour 2006
"Ministry is gearing up for the MasterBaTour 2006, which will also feature Revolting Cocks and Spyder Baby ... "

Now that sound like some good, clean fun that the whole family can enjoy!

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Best Seats Ever

See the guy's face on the bottom, just to the left of that football player?
He is the most excited I have ever seen anyone when in close proximity of a sweaty football player's ass right after a game. He looks like he is on heaven's doorstep! I'm willing to bet that the digit he is hoisting in a "We're number one" sort of way is heading for an oil check of number eighty-one immediately following this shot.

Woooooooooo. We're number one. Yeaaahhhhhh. (insert favorite Bronx cheer noise here).

Monday, September 5, 2005

One Less

Reflecting upon this long weekend as it draws to a close, I think I find myself actually appreciating the fact that the upcoming work week is one day shorter than normal, even more than the fact that the weekend was one day longer than usual.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

Ladies 2, Gents 0

Here are two news stories from Reuters via Yahoo! News proving that women should not be fucked with:

One Reason To Say Yes To Lap Dancing..
Fri Sep 2,12:18 PM ET

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An angry San Diego topless dancer pulled out a knife and stabbed a customer after he refused a lap dance, police said on Thursday.

Lawanda Dixon, 24, was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon shortly after the altercation with 33-year-old Melik Jordan at the Dream Girls Cabaret early on Wednesday, San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen said.

"He was in the club with some friends watching the shows when she came up and asked if he wanted a lap dance," Hassen said. "He said no, she got upset about it, they argued back and forth. She pulled knife out of her bag and stabbed him."

Dixon was taken into custody and police found methamphetamine in a small metal container in Dixon's bag, Hassen said, adding that she may face drug charges. Officers also confiscated a small folding knife.

Jordan was treated for his injuries and released by a local hospital.


Anti-rape Condom Aims To Stop Attacks
Thu Sep 1,12:02 PM ET

KLEINMOND, South Africa (Reuters) - A South African inventor unveiled a new anti-rape female condom on Wednesday that hooks onto an attacker's penis and aims to cut one of the highest rates of sexual assault in the world.

"Nothing has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped and I thought it was high time," Sonette Ehlers, 57, said of the "rapex," a device worn like a tampon that has sparked controversy in a country used to daily reports of violent crime.

Police statistics show more than 50,000 rapes are reported every year, while experts say the real figure could be four times that as they say most rapes of acquaintances or children are never reported.

Ehlers said the "rapex" hooks onto the rapist's skin, allowing the victim time to escape and helping to identify perpetrators.

"He will obviously be too pre-occupied at this stage," she told reporters in Kleinmond, a small holiday village about 100km (60 miles) east of Cape Town. "I promise you he is going to be too sore. He will go straight to hospital."

The device, made of latex and held firm by shafts of sharp barbs, can only be removed from the man through surgery which will alert hospital staff, and ultimately, the police, she said.

It also reduces the chances of a woman falling pregnant or contracting AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases from the attacker by acting in the same way as a female condom.

South Africa has more people with HIV/AIDS than any other country, with one in nine of its 45 million population infected.

Ehlers, who showed off a prototype on Wednesday, said women had tried it for comfort and it had been tested on a plastic male model but not yet on a live man. Production was planned to start next year.

But the "rapex" has raised fears amongst anti-rape activists that it could escalate violence against women.

"If a victim is wearing such a device it may enrage the attacker further and possibly result in more harm being caused," said Sam Waterhouse, advocacy coordinator for Rape Crisis.

Other critics say the condom is medieval and barbaric -- an accusation Ehlers says should be directed rather at the act of rape.

"This is not about vengeance ... but the deed, that is what I hate," she said.

Now That Should Make Things Better (that's sarcasm in case you missed it)

"Oh my God, President Bush! I lost my husband, my house is destroyed, I'm so thirsty and hungry. I really need some food and water. Look, my water bottle is empty! Do you have any? Any at all?"

"Um, no. But I do have hugs."

Friday, September 2, 2005

What's In The Bag Bub?

This past work week, entering the PATH station on my way home from work I was stopped and had my bag searched on two separate occasions. Two out of five days I was looking suspect. A 2:5 shady ratio! I like that.

On a side not, I have to give some kudos to the police conducting the search. Very cordial and fairly thorough too.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Out of the V.I. Closet

Vanilla Ice. I wasn't really into him back in his heyday -- at least not any more than anybody else who turned on a radio or watched MTV back then -- but I took a liking to him when he appeared in 1996 as a special guest on Bloodhound Gang's song "Boom" (yeah, that clip is the V.I.).

After that, I have slowly become a bit of a (not so) closeted Vanilla Ice fan. A guilty pleasure some would call it. Feel free to make fun. I don't care.

I'm sure you are wondering where the hell I am going with all this.

Well, I wanted to give a little background in hopes to explain why I've acquired this newly issued gem, Vanilla Ice ~ Platinum Underground:

Sweet, I know.

So far, this is my favorite rhyme from the album:

I'm on a mission, I remain in the game,

see, I do it for my rhymes, you can fuck the fame,
cause I cater to my crew, ones that pull me through,
the blacks, Puerto Ricans and the white people too,

All you haters, I kick ya hmmm like Bruce Lee,
Got my foot up in that ass, so far you can't see ...

Classic. Yet new? It's a new classic, I'll say.

Sunday, August 28, 2005


I think I have found my new favorite Japanese rockers in Electric Eel SHOCK. Actually, now that I think of it, I have never had a favorite Japanese rocker or rockers, so I guess there is nothing new about this. Nevertheless, you should check out this video for a taste.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Black and White and Red All Over

Does anyone find things a bit out of the ordinary when a woman tried to comfort a skunk after it had an altercation with a dog? Rabies positive or rabies negative, comforting a skunk sounds like a bad, bad idea to me.

Rabid Skunk Bites Bergen County Woman

Aug 25, 2005 11:02 am US/Eastern
(1010 WINS)

Officials say a skunk that bit a woman in Bergen County tested positive for rabies.

The woman had tried to comfort the animal after it had an altercation with a dog in Woodcliff Lake.

Officials say the woman, whose name was not released, had to seek treatment.

It's the third animal diagnosed with rabies in the county this year.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Just Tubin' It

Heading upstate for the weekend and spending a good chunk of the day like this makes me wonder why the fuck I am living in a city ...

Thursday, August 18, 2005

More Assholes

I received more stupid comments spam from asswipes trying to push their goods and services. I deleted them, but I thought I would share what awesomeness these salesfolk had to offer:
  • If you're looking for more hair loss remedy related resources check out my hair loss remedy site.
  • I've got a arthritis pain relief site/blog. And it covers arthritis pain relief related items. Come and check it out if you get time :-)
  • I have a free test drives Site. It's all about free test drives related stuff. Come and check us out if you get time.
  • I have a free online play poker site/blog. It pretty much covers free online play poker related stuff. Come and see it some time.
  • I really enjoy reading blogs! I have a forex currency trading system site. It really is about forex currency trading system and stuff. Check it out some time.

All of those offerings are so hard to find. Thanks for contacting me!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Jump

As requested. As promised. Here are some photos of myself plummeting to earth from 13,000 feet back on August 7, 2005 (you can click on them for a larger view):

Holy crap! Why did I pay to do this?!?!

Wait a minute, shouldn't I be in that plane up there?

A long way to go ...

120 MPH = Smoosh face

Remember to pull the cord at 6,000 feet. Remember to pull the cord at 6,000 feet. Remember to ...

You can see these and the rest of that roll as well as some of my other shots from the day here.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Keep Your Youngens Away

I don't often remember dreams that I have, but last night I had a dream that I actually remember. Remember at least enough to be slightly disturbed. Here it is, so analyze at will ...

I am hiking. I don't know where, but it isn't an overly difficult hike. Sort of wide carriage trail style trails like they have at Lake Minnewaska.

For some reason I am holding a baby. I have no idea as to why or who the parents of this baby are. As opposed to a nice papoose or baby backpack as would be prudent and more comfortable for all parties, the baby is all wrapped up in a blanket, sort of like they always have baby Jesus wrapped up in Christmas pageants.

Anywho, despite the fact that the hike is fairly easy, I get off track and find myself sliding down a hill half on my feet and half on my ass. The hill is all loose dirt and shale, so there isn't much of anything to grab onto that isn't sliding along with me. I'm doing my best to protect the baby which is resulting in a lot of banging and scraping of my own self. It is a mess. I'm sliding feet first, baby in one arm, with the other elbow scrapping the rocks. I occasionally try to shoot my hand out to try to latch onto something solid. Unsuccessful on all attempts.

I see that the hill I'm sliding down leads to a drop off and I am in some serious shit unless I grab onto something. I small tree is coming up, but I definitely need two hands to grab that thing and save my, and the baby's ass. I grab the baby blanket in my teeth nice and tight and make a grab for the tree ... Got It! Just as I start to feel relieved and a bit triumphant, I notice that all I now have in my teeth is a blanket. The baby had slipped out and must have slid right over the edge.

As you might imagine, upon that discovery I was pretty upset. I woke up right around there, so I don't know for sure that the baby didn't have wings or land on a trampoline or was saved by an eagle flying by, but I tend to assume the worst.


So, to all of you knowledgeable in dream meanings feel free to let me know what that was all about. For those of you who have children or children on the way (Andrew), you may want to think twice about having me take your wee ones on hikes.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Is That a Phone Ringing or My Pockets Jinglin'

Report: Crowe Reaches Phone-hurling Settlement
A British newspaper has reported that Oscar-winning actor Russell Crowe will pay a whopping $10.8 million settlement to the Mercer Hotel porter he is accused of injuring during his notorious phone-hurling outburst in June.

For $10.8 million, I think I'd be willing to let Russell Crowe hit me in the face with a phone at least once. As a matter of fact, I think I'd be willing to let him stuff a phone right up my ass.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Comment Whores

My previous post seemed to attract a whole lot of comments. I was a bit excited for a moment, thinking I had suddenly become popular. Then I took a look at what people had to say and it turns out that it is just a bunch of jerkoffs trying to sell their crap via me. Actually most isn't even selling anything. There are just adds on their page that they are hoping people click on so they can get paid. Do me a favor and don't click on any of their shit. Unless I am getting a cut of their big advertising cash landslide, I'm not participating. I was going to remove the comments, but have decided to leave these so I have a reason to bitch about something. Plus I have TinaPoPo all jealous as hell.

TinaPoPo said...
Wow, hip hop rap ringtones, corvette parts, and annual credit are one lucky blogger!

Only in your dreams PoPo can you get treats as good as these via blog. Only in your dreams.

Whoever is demanding photos (AP I presume?), you are just going to have to remain patient. The photos were taken on film which means they must be developed. This isn't all instant gratification all the time. OK?

Regular people ... keep on commenting. Sales freaks ... cut the shit.

Monday, August 8, 2005

Made It

I know you have probably been worried sick about me. Sorry about the delay, but yes, the skydiving was successful. Photos of my 120 MPH wind-thrashed face will be posted once developed.

Saturday, August 6, 2005

Fun With Pseudonyms

If I got a card like this, I would keep it and use it with pride ...

News from across the pond:
Wednesday August 3, 05:19 PM

Sign Here Please 'Mr Dick Head'
A bank has apologised to a customer after sending him a debit card bearing the name "Dick Head".NatWest said it had launched an inquiry after Chris Lancaster, 18, of Tiptree, Essex, received a cash card with the wording: "Mr C Lancaster Dick Head".Mr Lancaster said he did not spot the insult until he was handing over the card in a supermarket to pay for something a few days after it arrived in the post.

"I couldn't believe it," he said.

"When I got the card out I saw the name embossed on it. I was so embarrassed I put it back in my wallet.

"I know I've been overdrawn a few times but I've done nothing to deserve this.

"The bank said it must have been a worker with a grudge."

A NatWest spokesman said: "We have apologised unreservedly to Mr Lancaster.

"This is completely unacceptable and we have launched an investigation."

Friday, August 5, 2005

This Could Be The Last

Well, tomorrow morn I'm heading upstate a little way to go skydiving. I've wanted to go skydiving since I was a little kid and would see people in the skies over Duanesburg, N.Y., dangling under parachutes, drifting to earth (sometimes a long way away from the landing field). Once I got old enough to do it something would always mess up the plan -- not enough money, too drunk, no car, partner in crime unavailable, etc. Anyway, tomorrow is it. I'm fucking jumping.

7'2" vs. 5'6"

Coach: "I don't care how big you say she is. Get out there, box out and get some goddamn rebounds!"

The New York Liberty's Becky Hammon, in front, guards the Connecticut Sun's 7-foot-two-inch center Margo Dydek, of Poland, during the second half of their WNBA game at Madison Square Garden in New York Tuesday, Aug. 2, 2005. (AP Photo/Gregory Bull)

Do I smell a double date brewing?

Monday, August 1, 2005

Not To Be Confused With Amber Alert

Perhaps this week is already dragging and the weekend seems like a distant mirage. Maybe you really crave need something to look forward to so you'll make it through the week. Well, why not look forward to having your socks rocked right the fuck off?

I know some of you are thinking that Meat Loaf at the Beacon Theatre might be a nice end to the week, but for some serious rockin', you should head to Brooklyn Music Terminal (formerly known as L'Amour) to see the amber code (staring former co-worker Aaron) this coming Friday.

That will make the week go a bit more expeditiously and will serve you up the metal you so dearly have been missing. Plus, I'll be there and God knows you can't go wrong with that!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Vader Visits

This past weekend my nephew came down from the 'cuse (that's Syracuse for those who don't know) for a visit to the big city. We got to do all sorts of fun stuff. Watched Spaceballs, ate donuts, played X-Men Next Dimension on Xbox, fed squirrels, went to Coney Island for some Nathan's and New York Aquarium and built a monkey at the Build-A-Bear store. It was fun in the city for sure. After a trip to Toys R Us, a good chunk of nephew's weekend was spent as Darth Vader.

The Vader mask has a voice changer built in, so anything you say while wearing it makes you sound robotic. There was a lot of yelling "You don't know the power of the darkside" and assorted raspy breathing. I'm betting his mom really appreciates that gift. It's not annoying at all.

Who knew Darth Vader shops at Gap?

I also was able to teach him to rock back and forth on a spring held motorcycle to the point of creating a blurry photo. Safety first!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

More Human Than Human

A bit too lifelike for comfort. This is some creepy Terminator-lookin' type shit. Slightly sexier than Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I still don't trust it:

Japanese Develop 'Female' Android
Link to story
By David Whitehouse
Science editor, BBC News website

Japanese scientists have unveiled the most human-looking robot yet devised -- a "female" android called Repliee Q1.

She has flexible silicone for skin rather than hard plastic, and a number of sensors and motors to allow her to turn and react in a human-like manner.

She can flutter her eyelids and move her hands like a human. She even appears to breathe.

Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro of Osaka University says one day robots could fool us into believing they are human.

Repliee Q1 is not like any robot you will have seen before, at least outside of science-fiction movies.

She is designed to look human and although she can only sit at present, she has 31 actuators in her upper body, powered by a nearby air compressor, programmed to allow her to move like a human.

"I have developed many robots before," Repliee Q1's designer, Professor Ishiguro, told the BBC News website, "but I soon realised the importance of its appearance. A human-like appearance gives a robot a strong feeling of presence."

Designed to look human
Before Repliee Q1, Professor Ishiguro developed Repliee R1 which had the appearance of a five-year-old Japanese girl.

Its head could move in nine directions and it could gesture with its arm. Four high-sensitivity tactile sensors were placed under the skin of its left arm that made the android react differently to differing pressures.

The follow-up has the appearance of a Japanese woman. To program her motion, a computer analysed the motions of a human and used them as a template for the way Repliee Q1 moves.

She can be designed to follow the movement of a human wearing motion sensors or to act independently.

"Repliee Q1 can interact with people. It can respond to people touching it. It's very satisfying, although we obviously have a long way to go yet."

Professor Ishiguro believes that it may prove possible to build an android that could pass for a human, if only for a brief period.

"An android could get away with it for a short time, 5-10 seconds. However, if we carefully select the situation, we could extend that, to perhaps 10 minutes," he said.

"More importantly, we have found that people forget she is an android while interacting with her. Consciously, it is easy to see that she is an android, but unconsciously, we react to the android as if she were a woman."

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Frosty Beverage

On my way home from work today I bought a cup of lemonade from some little girls who had a little business going on the corner of Irving Place and 15th Street. They even had a little plastic cash register to store their loot (which they seemed to have quite a bit of cash -- I saw a ten dollar bill in there). $1 for a Styrofoam cup full of lemonade and some ice. Just what I needed to chase the heat way for a few blocks.

Beyond enjoying the lemonade, I always feel I'm doing some sort of good deed by purchasing drinks from young entrepreneurs because I recall trying that lemonade venture on my street when I was young. It was always unsuccessful. The traffic on my street was minimal and foot traffic was pretty much non-existent so I would usually drink the profits and then pack that venture up for the year. Plus I know I wasn't selling it for anywhere near a dollar a cup. It was probably more like 10 cents. Man kids are greedy these days! Thanks and you're welcome little girls.

I'm wondering if Ben Harper is going to get his ass off his tour bus (parked right across the street) and buy a cup before his show at Irving Plaza this evening? That would be nice.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Look at Me

Looks like somebody wants a little attention. Well, my friend, I think you can stop worrying about attention for I'm fairly certain that you'll soon be having a whole lot of it -- mostly in the form of prison sex.

Backpack Bomb Scare Empties Penn Station

Jul 25, 2005 6:28 am US/Eastern
(NEW YORK) Police arrested a man following a bomb scare that emptied Pennsylvania Station and disrupted service on Amtrak, commuter trains and city subways for about an hour on Sunday.

The busy commuter hub was evacuated after the man allegedly threw a backpack at an Amtrak agent and said it was a bomb, said Marissa Baldeo, a spokeswoman for New York City Transit. The threat was a false alarm, and service on all lines was restored at about 1:25 p.m.

Police arrested the man, Raul Claudio, 43, Sunday, according to Manhattan District Attorney's office spokeswoman, Barbara Thompson. Claudio is awaiting arraignment on felony charges of making terrorists threats and falsely reporting an incident, Thompson said. Each count carries a sentence of up to seven years in prison.

Lance the Machine

Unbelievable ...

Monday, July 18, 2005

Since You've Been Gone Nuts

Wanna see something that will have you wondering if you should laugh or cry? Yeah? Then watch this: (You need to have a Yahoo! ID)

It's alarming enough right at the start, but then around the 55 second mark things get so out of sorts that I don't even know what to think. I find myself watching in stunned horror. The animal band is odd, but not even close to how frightening the little shits in the audience are.


So Sticky

I don't want to start complaining about the weather, but today was hot enough that complaining is justified. Not even just hot, but sweaty.

Nobody needs this Mother Nature. Humidity at 97%? Give it a rest. I see there is more of this shit planned for tomorrow too. If I wanted humidity like this I would move to Thailand or Malaysia or a greenhouse. You don't need to be dropping this soggy shit in NYC. Especially during the week, when work requires me to dress business casual aka not summer friendly.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The ABCs of APs

I guess there are a few things that need to be addressed about the A.P. in question from my last posting and the comments related to said posting.

The A.P. firing off comments like the LAPD fires their guns is NOT the Associated Press. A.P. is also NOT the A.P. who used to work with me. The A.P. discussed is my former roommate from college. I would just put everyone's real name down, but I'm guessing none of them want their name associated with this blog, me or being searchable by the information superhighway in general.

Let's compare the A.P.s shall we?

The news organization A.P. - likes distributing news/photos, making rules, and ... well, keepin' it real I guess. They'll let you know all the things you need to know when writing news type stuff. Like these two need to know entries from the AP Stylebook ...
  • Dr Pepper - A trademark (no period after Dr) for a brand of soft drink Headquarters is in Dallas.
  • kids - Use children unless you are talking about goats, or the use of kids as an informal synonym for children is appropriate in the context
  • Oreo - A trademark for a brand of chocolate cookie held together by a white filling. The use of the word by blacks indicates belief that another black is "black outside but white inside."
The A.P. who used to work with me - likes Space Ghost, Long Island, legal matters, Kelly Ripa, rockin' out and he often wears goofy shirts

The A.P. from college - likes beer, iguana feces, strip bars, Bruce Springsteen, smashing pumpkins (not the band, just the big orange vegetable), sleeping, and talking shit

So as it turns out, it may be the same initials, but certainly not the same.

Now that we've got that all figured out perhaps we can move on. Oh, special request granted for Anise -- Fuck you Associated Press! Fuck you and your not-for-profit news providing cooperative!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Pickin' Winners

Back when American Idol 4 started, upon seeing and hearing her for the first time I predicted that Carrie Underwood would win it all (ask my co-workers if you don't believe me). Right I was.

Don't get all excited and start making fun of my A.I. watching. I'm not one to watch American Idol every time it is on because after the initial onslaught of shitty singers dissipates, the show starts to irritate more than entertain. That said, I have been watching ROCK STAR: INXS the last couple of nights and I wanted to throw a prediction out there again. Granted there are way fewer competitors, so if I predict correctly it won't be the amazing feat that the Carrie pick was, but nevertheless ...

I did my first predicting using only the ROCK STAR: INXS site. Read the bios and looked at the pictures and I picked two possible winners. I missed the premiere of the show, but caught the second night. After watching the performances I have stuck with the same two singers. So, here is my prediction ... (drum roll) ...

Winner: Ty
Runner Up (aka First Loser): Jordis

Both are entertaining to watch, have good voices and have some fashion sense. Also, neither is too much like the old singer of INXS so it won't be alienating INXS fans too much.

Prediction made. Now we just wait to see if I once again I prove myself an A&R genius.

Numbers Don't Lie

I realize (or realise as the Brits would say) this is probably only adding fuel to the fire, but A.P., I feel I must address your comments in public. Public being right here, not on a soap box in Times Square or something.

According to the Site Meter I have strapped onto this blog, I am averaging 49 visits a day. Now granted, most are accidental and most visitors aren't sticking around for hours to read my retarded ramblings, but as you can see on the accompanying graph, my numbers are still significant enough to make me feel like somebody. Somebody Damn you!! SOMEBODY!!

By the way, take note of the numbers in November. That's when I mentioned Tara Reid's boob falling out of her dress. If the only thing printed here sinks in is this, well then at least you now know that breast exposure makes you feel like even more of a somebody without even trying. Good to know.

So, in closing I'd like to say that although you, A.P. are probably one of my biggest fans, and you are probably only trying to encourage me to "challenge myself" and "push the envelope" and all that shit, but with the science of the internet and free internet tracking devices, I can prove that I am not yet done for. Thanks for the support though. Also, T.D. (I'm guessing it's you), thanks for backing me up in the comment arena.

In your face A.P.