Family Time

So, I was upstate this past weekend for some Christmasy family time. It was the usual routine ... a lot of blah, blah, blah by my mother, too much unhealthy food in my gut and talkin' sports and my career unknowns with my dad. Some memorable moments:

• I got up to my parent's house Friday night. I have to wake up sort of early (at least by my weekend standards) on Saturday to pick my wife up at the train station. I didn't bother setting an alarm, but conveniently my father wakes me up. In the years since I've been away from home his ability to hand out a heart attack has not wavered. My wake up was like this, "Bill! Do you know what time it is?!" I'm in a deep sleep, no idea where I am or what day it is and I can guarantee I don't know what time it is but it certainly sounds like I am late for something (I wasn't).

• My Uncle discussing before dinner his dislike for his cousin's son (I guess he doesn't really work or attempt to work): "So I tell him, 'Look, your son is a loser.'"

• My Aunt, a former fan of Rachael Ray, who unbeknownst to me has done a 180 since we last spoke: "She's on all the time. All the time. And she's gotten more and more annoying. That fake laugh, the way she hams it up for the camera and God, has she gotten FAT!"

• Driving back from the mall I pull onto the highway and immediately have some chubby, frog-like woman in a minivan box us into an "exit only" lane. After I mumble some insults and threats I manage to get around her only to notice my father who is riding in the backseat giving her the finger. It's not just the finger either, it's a violent gesture like he might be trying to jam it up her ass. All about the holiday spirit in my family.

• On the train ride back to New York City I saw a murder. A murder of crows that is. Just south of Poughkeepsie. Shitloads of crows. If not for my protective metal and glass cocoon, it would have been a little unnerving.