Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Rain Issues

Dear umbrella users,

When you have an umbrella held over your head, please realize that you need to increase your distance from others. With an umbrella you need more than your usual shoulder width to get by others. You'd think this would be obvious, but my whole walk home today I had umbrellas jabbing me in the head, the face, the arm, etc. It's fucking annoying having little, metal umbrella spikes jabbing at you. And just to let you know, I'm not against punching your umbrella so it smacks you in your own head or even ripping it from your hands and crushing it into a useless tangle.


Oh, and this goes with extra emphasis to the ladies. I know you are used guys lifting their umbrellas higher so you don't have an umbrella collision which is very nice and all, but although I am as chivalrous as them, I don't use an umbrella (because they are fucking useless) and I have not yet figured out a way to disconnect my head and raise it out of the way of your umbrella. So until then, keep your shit away from me.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Umbrellas should be distributed by height. the taller you are - the larger your umbrella can be. The shorter you are the smaller. Cildren would simply get those awful umbrella hats, that way we are now showered as children thrill in twirling their wet umbrellas.