Thursday, August 12, 2004

Olympians Gone Wild

Back when I was a swinging bachelor, I always thought it would be cool to go to the Olympics strictly for the post-event athlete partying. Don't get me wrong, I would still like to go, but now it would strictly as a vacationer/team U-S of A supporter. Back then, beyond the traditional spectator role, I thought it would be cool to hang out in bars waiting for the athletes who haven't been able to party properly for what could be years go nuts. I think one drink + zero body fat = pandemonium. Then, if all went well, some Olympic babe (preferably not a wrestler, weight lifter or hammer thrower), and I would start up some witty conversation and then she would molest me ... but even if that didn't happen, at least drinking with Olympic athletes would have been cool and entertaining I'm sure.

Anyway, according to an article I just read on, it turns out the Olympic athletes do like to get it on (although probably not with my non-medal wearin' ass):
The Olympics are all about numbers and stats.

Welcome to Athens, which is about to become the sex capital of the world.
In Athens, there will be ...

Countries: 199

Officials: 3,000

Athletes: 10,500

Condoms, courtesy of Durex: 130,000

Tubes of lubricant: 30,000

Durex doesn't blush about its contribution.

"As the official supplier of condoms and lubricants, we hope the donation will help athletes improve their achievements between the sheets," says one Durex mouthpiece.

If you ask the athletes and look at the history (previous Games have run short long before the Closing Ceremony), this supply probably won't be enough. In fact, we find the math just plain confusing. The reports from Sydney were that each athlete got 51 cloaks upon arrival at the village, which was far from enough. But maybe Durex expects Greece to be less, umm, exciting -- 130K works out to only 12 condoms per competitor.

(We think someone did some bad division in one newspaper article about Sydney, and that number just appeared everywhere, unchecked. At the start of the Games, there was talk of a supply of 50,000 condoms, which works out to about five per athlete.)

In any case ...

"There's a lot of sex going on," javelin thrower Breaux Greer told Men's Journal. "You get a lot of people who are in shape and, you know, testosterone's up and everybody's attracted to everybody."

Other fun nuggets, courtesy of Men's Journal, which conducted a survey of sorts: Swimmers do it longer; the French do it most often (but only with compatriots).

In Sydney, the Cubans ... well, they ran through their ration faster than any other nation.

"I don't know what they're doing with those things," said one official. "Maybe they're making water balloons. They're lovely, lovely people. They're very friendly."

For sure.

So, will the Athens supply last? Should you start an office pool on the re-supply date?

It might all come down to design.

The first major effort at condom giveaways was at the Barcelona Games in 1992, and it was a huge success. The shields were emblazoned with the colorful Olympic rings, apparently a mood enhancer (or a cool souvenir).

In 1996, Atlanta's organizers pushed five-packs, with one 'prophy' in each official Olympic color.

In 2000, the colors were gold, silver, and bronze.

Apparently, they all went fast. Which either means that style counts, or doesn't count at all.

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